And the Winner Is...

Before I announce the winner, although I must say it is hard to build up suspence when all you have to do is go click on the poll and you'll know who won, I'd like to take a moment and thank all of you. Your participation in this haiku contest has set the bar really, really high for any future contests that the Looky, Daddy! team might organize. (The team, by the way, consists of me and me alone. If I let the The Mom help plan contests, we'd have the see-how-quickly-The-Dad-can-stop-blogging-and-put-away-these-three-baskets-of-clean-laundry contest with the prize being The-Mom-not-unplugging-his-computer-again.)

Many, many thanks are in order for our guest-judge, Emily, from Dream/Baby Haiku. She had an unenviable task and handled it with the same grace, style, and wit which makes her blog such a fun read. Thank you, Emily.

Re-reading your 134 haiku, (134 haiku!), I feel that they contain some lessons that I would be remiss not to extract and share with you. They are:

• Most parents only like their kids while their kids are sleeping.
• Poop up to the neck is a sublime literary device.
• It takes six syllables for a baby to fall down the stairs.
• Having twins keeps many parents awake at night. The thought of having twins keeps the rest awake, too.
• Babies are messy. Really, really messy. Over a quarter of the submissions were about poop, pee, spit-up, or spilled milk.
• The more sleep deprived you are, the more likely thinking in haiku will drive you over the brink.
• Our species would have become extinct long ago if children didn't smile and giggle at just the right moments.
• In a house with kids, quiet moments are moments to be feared.
• "Sensory integration dysfunction" has ten syllables. "Homeostasis" has five.
• I'm glad I don't lactate.
• Cuddle and swaddle your kids all you like, they'll still pee on you when they get the chance. (Or in their own ear. Who knew?)
• Anonymous off-topic submissions to my blog are most often made by the dad of The Dad.
• I should not read, or even re-read your submissions while drinking hot coffee.
• And most importantly, the good people at Vizu polls have no math skills whatsoever. I hope nobody calls for a recount on this thing, because at last glance, the top five entries each received over 20% of the vote for a total of 119%, with the other five entries garnering an additional 45% of the vote for a grand total of 164%. That is a figure even Florida would have to question. So, not to take the wind out of the winner's sails, but, honestly, God only knows who really won. Or maybe JHC.

But nevertheless, we are gathered here to present you with a champion so, without further ado, I hereby announce that champion to be Uneven Exchange by EOMama.

Uneven Exchange

Once worked for money

Now work for tyrants who pay

In boogers and poo

Now, EOMama, if for some reason you are unable to accept your prize of coffee, chocolate-covered espresso beans, and donuts (perchance you are Mormon or there is no Krispy Kreme near you) then the aforementioned Looky, Daddy! team will happily accept the prize on your behalf.

Otherwise, EOMama, I'll send the prizes out to you tout de suite. That way they can sit there in your house, teasing you as you slowly recover from that stomach virus your kids gave you yesterday.

Enjoy!

Comments

[AmazngJ]

Let's do limericks!

[The Dad]

Oh, heck yeah! Limericks will definitely be December's contest. Thank you, AmazngJ!

[The Dad]

Ooh, ooh, ooh! I've already got one:

I could hardly believe it was true
All we did is what other folks do
But the doctor was there
And he said, "Look, I swear
There's not just one heartbeat, there's two!"

[EOMama]

Wow, it really was an honor just to be in the finals! Thanks to all my supporters out there (i.e. my family members who received an email begging them to vote for me!). Trust me, I need that coffee badly. And the doughnuts will help me gain back all the weight I lost during this bout of the stomach flu! The Dad, thanks for running such a fun contest. It sure was a bright spot in my week. Now I'm going back to bed.

[John]

I think I counted my doughnuts before I won them. Now I know how Al Gore must have felt. I think I'll start a speaking tour on the impact of disposable diapers on the environment. I think I'll call it "An Inconvenient Poo." I like the ring of that.

[The Dad]

John, please stop posting! I'm getting tired of wiping the spewed coffee off of my monitor.

[Tapey's Mom]

I'd pay the price of admission to see "An Inconvenient Poo". I might even buy popcorn, too. Fun contest, The Dad -- can't wait for limericks in December! :)

[The Godfather]

Okay, just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in! I was just getting haiku out of my head, and now I can't stop thinking of limerics. So, here goes...

There once was a baby named Ella
She really stole the heart of this fella!
She sure liked to poop,
it threw us for a loop,
but we still think that she is a bella!

Or... an alternate version for the poop-phobic:

There once was a baby named Ella
She really stole the heart of this fella!
She got not much sleep,
so strange hours we keep,
but we still think that she is a bella!

[EOMama]

The Dad, I fear for the stability of your marriage if you run this limerick contest! The Mom may go on strike. For the sake of my sanity, I will abstain from writing poetry for a while. 'Tis a dangerous game.

John, if you lived nearby, I'd invite you over to share the Krispy Kremes! Does it help to know that I voted for your haiku? Genius.

[katie]

Actually the cuddling/swaddling/peeing was not a baby, but a chihuahua. Which is why I'll stick to my idea that dogs are really comparable to babies. If you don't mind the idea of a baby never growing up to talk, why not just get a doggie? If Mark and I had a human baby we'd write a haiku about that instead. Someday (Mark doesn't like to think so though).