First there was Lila and her filthy mouth. Then came haiku. Now it's time, well past time, actually, for a new contest:
Limericks.
Don't blame me. It wasn't my idea.
The rules are going to be the same as last time, but since we've gained a good deal more readers since then, I'll elucidate them again.
Write a limerick about any aspect of child-rearing. To help, here are some links which may prove useful:
Rhyme Zone for those who are looking for words that rhyme with poop (but please, for the love of God, do not use their suggestion of 'pea soup'. That's a couplet that should never be written.)
Synonym.com for those of you who shamefully do not own a thesaurus.
Wkipedia on Limericks in case your day is not complete without reading words like anapestic foot or dactyl rhythm.
Once written, submit your limerick below. There is no limit to the number of submissions you may make. We'll accept submissions from now until Monday, January 15th, 10:00 PM Eastern time.
Last time, we had a wonderful guest-judge, Emily, over at Dream/Baby Haiku. She has graciously accepted my request to judge again, which thrills me no end. On Tuesday the 16th, Emily will choose the finalists by whatever means she feels is appropriate. (She's a poet, so God only knows how she does these things. All I know is, based on her choices last time, works referencing poop, boogers, and hineys have a good chance at the finals. Works referencing homeostasis? Not so much.)
On Wednesday the 17th, I will post the finalists as chosen by Emily, and then open it up to a popular vote until Thursday evening, with the winner announced in Friday's post. The winner will once again receive an exclusive Looky, Daddy! Please Help Me Through Another Day with My Kids gift pack, which includes a pound of dark roast coffee, a pack of chocolate-covered espresso beans, and a gift certificate for a dozen glazed Krispy Kreme donuts.
I'll start off with a few of my own:
Stay at Home Dad
There once was a guy who taught math
Then his life took a different path
Now it's diapers and tears
And powder on rears
And fishing out turds from the bath
Inspired by True Events
My babies are always en garde
Finding veggies they'll eat is quite hard
They shun the small pea
From the carrot they flee
But they'll gladly eat dirt from the yardI'll Be Sleeping on the Couch Tonight
Our marriage has been on the skids
We fight like vermicious knids
Though divorce is a thought
It's a war best not fought
What if I end up with the kids?
Surely There Must Be Some Mistake
I could hardly believe it was true
All we did is what other folks do
But the doctor was there
And he said, "Look, I swear
There's not just one heartbeat, there's two!"
first timer, jumping right into the Limericks contest.
Here's my first two, probably more to come:
Speaking of sleep deprivation
Who could have ever believe
That all I would want to achieve
Is one measly night
Of sleeping real tight
Goodness, was I ever naive.
There are so many great words that rhyme with breast...
My li'l one is truly obsessed
Hear me, I'm here to attest
He will get me undressed
If refused, he'll protest
He is seriously hooked on my breast.
Posted by: Shiri | January 10, 2007 at 04:52 AM
Limericking at 4:52 AM, Shiri? That's the kind of dedication we like to see around here. You'll fit right in.
Posted by: The Dad | January 10, 2007 at 06:47 AM
Shopping with Twins
I shouldn't be making a stink
But I wonder if you even think
Your question's so coy
"A girl and a boy?"
What boys do you know who wear pink?
It's enough to drive me to drink
Posted by: Amelia | January 10, 2007 at 08:46 AM
They went to bed 2 hours late,
Neither one finished their plate.
And the house is a mess,
But I’ve got to confess,
That being a grandma is great!
Posted by: Debbeeanne | January 10, 2007 at 08:53 AM
Okay, I sent this one in when you first announced there would be a contest, but I think I can still enter it now, right?
There once was a baby named Ella
She really stole the heart of this fella!
She sure liked to poop,
it threw us for a loop,
but we still think that she is a bella!
Posted by: The Godfather | January 10, 2007 at 08:55 AM
Words of Hope for the Blurry Years
Yes, parents of tots vent your spleens
On Looky, Daddy! re: diapersful of beans.
You feel you can’t cope,
At the end of your rope?
Add hormones. Voila! You have teens!
-- Mine are 13 & 14. Gratuitous (and no doubt unhelpful) advice available upon request. Therapy gratefully accepted in return.
Posted by: Shortie | January 10, 2007 at 09:43 AM
Oh, LD you have no idea what you have started in our house. I feel the need to apologize in advance for this one. I couldn't resist.
This Would Be Funnier If We Actually Lived In Nantucket
There once were two babes from Nantucket.
They love the paci, Mom plucked it.
Right after the New Year,
She said, "No more paci's here".
Oh, how they wish they could suck it.
Posted by: Katie, from now on KatieG (Sorry for the confusion) | January 10, 2007 at 09:51 AM
Note of clarification: Paci (passy) is what we call a pacifier in our house.
Posted by: Katie, from now on KatieG (Sorry for the confusion) | January 10, 2007 at 09:54 AM
That's Passy - with an A
Posted by: KatieG | January 10, 2007 at 09:55 AM
a vivacious young couple were we
went at it like bunnies you see
now with two who has time
I swear it's a crime
what got us here is a distant memory!
Posted by: monster mama | January 10, 2007 at 09:58 AM
Here's my contribution -
We got us twin boys named Luther
We'd paid for one but got two-fer
We're too old for this
Our sleep we sure miss
Maybe we should be more youth-er
Posted by: Gail I'm-Not-Their-Grandmother Luther | January 10, 2007 at 10:07 AM
Have you ANY idea what you have started??
This is just way tooooo much fun!
The Name Game!
I've decided I'm changing my name
the kids don't really like this game
I don't come to "MOM!"
sometimes it's Bob, Ralph or Tom-
the trick is it's never the same!
Posted by: monster mama | January 10, 2007 at 10:12 AM
It's ART!
a stay at home mommy of two
a young artist so fresh and so new
now thinks its an art
making armpit farts
with her son who screams "YUK" and "EWW"!
Posted by: monster mama | January 10, 2007 at 10:41 AM
Okay, I'm really not getting anything done at work
When we'd take the babies to play
Strangers would shoot questions our way
Are they twins, they'd ask
Answering-hubby's task
No, they were just born on same day!
Posted by: Gail I'm-Not-Their-Grandmother Luther | January 10, 2007 at 10:56 AM
Vasectomy
There once was a man named Sean
Who really didn't want any more spawn
After his wife had twins
He said, "That's it! The knife wins!"
Now his little swimmers are all gone.
Posted by: cindy | January 10, 2007 at 11:02 AM
stay at home parents hear my vent
I can clean and it won't make a dent
there are two to this one
a daughter and a son
a nanny would be heaven sent!
Posted by: monster mama | January 10, 2007 at 11:13 AM
A story through limerick by KatieG
How The Night Began
I only leave the house now & then.
I got home at fifteen after ten.
Baby's awake,
Husband: "I need a break".
All I wanted was dinner with friends.
How The Night Ended
Oh, evil croup, how you mock me.
You make my daughter all coughy.
It's two in the morning,
The husband is snoring,
While I sit here & "rocky-rocky".
Again? You've Got To Be Kidding.
Mr. Croup, are you trying to spite us?
You, sir, are One Nasty Virus.
You've invaded my child,
I hope this is mild.
We had enough when you visited at Christmas.
For The Boy
I know that you like to play dirty,
When Mommy is tired and hurting.
Up with your sister all night,
Don't want to pick a fight,
But why did you wake up at five-thirty?
For The Husband
Your compassion for me: teeny-weeny.
I yelled & then called you a "meany".
You could have stayed home today
-left me alone anyway.
Don't complain when the kids say "martini".
Posted by: KatieG | January 10, 2007 at 11:42 AM
I DO IT!
"I DO IT" she does profess,
and I know she does try her best-
as she pulls off her dipey
and grabs for a wipey
smearing poop from her toes to her chest!
Posted by: monster mama | January 10, 2007 at 11:48 AM
Bare Stomach Twin-Pregnancy Video
To keep parties from hitting a rut,
Hubby shows some home movies (half-cut)
Most oft’ shown is me
Just before surgery
And the group all shouts “Jabba the Hutt!”
Posted by: Sharon with J and N from Twinstuff | January 10, 2007 at 11:55 AM
OKAY! this is SO my last entry for the day......you have turned me into a limerick monster, bless your sweet heart!!
Texas Love
(say it with a southern drawl!)
He's fortysix to my thirty-faw
the one that he so adawed
now with two spud's
the love life's a dud
doesn't help that he calls me maw!
Posted by: monster mama | January 10, 2007 at 12:04 PM
Help, I can't stop -
My son says sleeping is boring
I hear that my husband is snoring
So my son and me
Are up at three
And the internet we are exploring!
Posted by: Gail I'm-Not-Their-Grandmother Luther | January 10, 2007 at 12:09 PM
Adventures in Babysitting
We were sitting our nephew named Beck
Who was playing with toys on the deck
When he scrunched up his face
And sat rigid in place
And SPLURT! he pooped up to his neck
Posted by: Mr. Pubin | January 10, 2007 at 12:09 PM
You had to say it...
There aren't many internet places
That cover all parenting bases
For poop, boogers, and pee
It's Looky, Daddy!
Oh, one more thing: homeostasis!
Posted by: Tapey's Mom | January 10, 2007 at 12:56 PM
Mysterious Odor Emanating From The Sofa Region of the Living Room
The Dad smells it. "What IS that?"
"Perhaps something I should take a look at."
A meatball, 'twas the smell,
And all ended well.
For now we know that it wasn't the cat.
Posted by: KatieG | January 10, 2007 at 01:12 PM
The Uncle
At Gift-giving I am a master
Though my sister opines, "You're a bastard"
My niece squeals with glee
Noisy toys? She got three!
Through the phone I can hear the disaster.
Heh heh. Delisciously eeeeevil.
Posted by: You can call me, Sir | January 10, 2007 at 01:25 PM