The Looky, Daddy! Limerick Challenge

First there was Lila and her filthy mouth. Then came haiku. Now it's time, well past time, actually, for a new contest:

Limericks.

Don't blame me. It wasn't my idea.

The rules are going to be the same as last time, but since we've gained a good deal more readers since then, I'll elucidate them again.

Write a limerick about any aspect of child-rearing. To help, here are some links which may prove useful:

Rhyme Zone for those who are looking for words that rhyme with poop (but please, for the love of God, do not use their suggestion of 'pea soup'. That's a couplet that should never be written.)

Synonym.com for those of you who shamefully do not own a thesaurus.

Wkipedia on Limericks in case your day is not complete without reading words like anapestic foot or dactyl rhythm.

Once written, submit your limerick below. There is no limit to the number of submissions you may make. We'll accept submissions from now until Monday, January 15th, 10:00 PM Eastern time.

Last time, we had a wonderful guest-judge, Emily, over at Dream/Baby Haiku. She has graciously accepted my request to judge again, which thrills me no end. On Tuesday the 16th, Emily will choose the finalists by whatever means she feels is appropriate. (She's a poet, so God only knows how she does these things. All I know is, based on her choices last time, works referencing poop, boogers, and hineys have a good chance at the finals. Works referencing homeostasis? Not so much.)

On Wednesday the 17th, I will post the finalists as chosen by Emily, and then open it up to a popular vote until Thursday evening, with the winner announced in Friday's post. The winner will once again receive an exclusive Looky, Daddy! Please Help Me Through Another Day with My Kids gift pack, which includes a pound of dark roast coffee, a pack of chocolate-covered espresso beans, and a gift certificate for a dozen glazed Krispy Kreme donuts.

I'll start off with a few of my own:

Stay at Home Dad

There once was a guy who taught math
Then his life took a different path
Now it's diapers and tears
And powder on rears
And fishing out turds from the bath

Inspired by True Events

My babies are always en garde
Finding veggies they'll eat is quite hard
They shun the small pea
From the carrot they flee
But they'll gladly eat dirt from the yard

I'll Be Sleeping on the Couch Tonight

Our marriage has been on the skids
We fight like vermicious knids
Though divorce is a thought
It's a war best not fought
What if I end up with the kids?

Surely There Must Be Some Mistake

I could hardly believe it was true
All we did is what other folks do
But the doctor was there
And he said, "Look, I swear
There's not just one heartbeat, there's two!"

Comments

[Paula K]

By noon I am feeling like crap
My kids all my energy did sap
After much fussing and fighting
And hitting and biting
They take just a twelve minute nap??!!!??

[Christine]

Hi, I'm new here - I found you through Finslippy. I'm really enjoying your blog, and this was just too much fun not to join in.

Surprise - It's Triplets

We'd spent almost every last dime
Before seeing that second pink line.
My husband, he grins
"Please don't let it be twins"
He should be more specific next time.

[Cobwebs]

I'm sorry I didn't find you before the haiku contest; it's a lot harder to rhyme than just count syllables.

My Toddler
Although there are days I could pound him,
In the midst of the mess where I've found him,
His kiss and his smile
Make it all seem worthwhile.
At least, so far I haven't drowned him.

[The Dad]

Christine, your limerick made me black out for just a little while. Please stop contributing.

[Christine]

Ha! We tend to have that effect on people.

[Katharine]

Sleep Late No More

We were spoiled with how well he sleeps.
Not until 7 would we hear even a peep.
Then one morning at 5,
The boy came alive.
Now we hear the monitor and weep.

Potty Training

A messy child, he is not.
So we thought, "Why not give it a shot?"
Since we started, dare I share,
It's been on the walls, the crib, and in his hair.
He'll put poop anywhere but in the pot.

[Shiri]

On the relative merits of global time zones
"Dedication", he praised me by name,
And I'll take it - I have no shame.
But the truth to be told
I'm at a country of old
Seven hours ahead of the game

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

There once was a mom from DC

Who often read "Looky Daddy".

Overwhelmed with The Goon Squad,

Began thanking the Sun God.

"It could be worse, I could have three."

[kimblahg]

Do multiples run in your family?
If you ask me again I will damn thee.
"They do now!" I answer the stranger
"Whew, now that's a life changer"
The next person that asks is in danger.

[kyra]

oh my! i came over from finslippy's and i'm having a BALL here! i'm laughing out loud at every one of your posts!

[kyra]

okay, here's mine:

i thought it was turkey pastrami
stuck to his face, looking crummy
plucked from his chin, to my mouth it went in
my son’s booger is now in my tummy

[The Uncle]

kyra: Ewwwwwww!

[Lisa Connor]

What a hoot! I found you through finslippy. Here are my midnight entries. More tomorrow:

AN UMBRELLA WOULD BE NICE
“Look at me!” he shouted with glee
I found him way up in a tree.
And then came a shower
From that high mighty bower
I guess that he needed to pee.

LET HER EAT CAKE!
“Dessert?” she asked with bright eyes.
And I admit she deserved such a prize
For she’d managed at last
To end her long fast
And finally ate tuna surprise.

POTTY MOUTH
I stared at him with great dismay.
He has said it twice now today!
A four-letter word
And not “poop” or “turd”
I sigh, “It’s what he’s heard me say.”

[The Godfather]

Ode to Antibiotics

Dr said "she'll love the taste of this med."
"And she'll love the color, it's red!"
But with all of her power,
She gave me a throw-up shower.
And now we wish the doctor was dead.

[The Dad]

I've got another one:

I'm obsessively checking my stats
But, oh goodness, who's watching the brats?
From the volume, I hear
That they're really quite near
And they're trying to wet-wipe the cats

[mom-nos]

And I found you through Kyra. Here's mine:

I know I’m a horrible mum
And that thinking it’s funny is dumb
But while bathing one day
With a penny Bud played
Till he stuck the coin right up his bum.

[Christy from Twinstuff]

via the Twinstuff Message Board:

I swore I would never take drugs
That's something engaged in by thugs
Then Clomid I found
made my belly quite round
And now I get double the hugs

[monster mama]

Bad Brew
I do think that I need a break
I’m asleep although I may look awake
the brew seems quite bleak
did I make it too weak.....
yesterdays grounds I made by mistake.

Sore Spot
My sons got a troublesome spot
I think that it’s all a plot
he holds it all day
I bribe, he won’t sway
he constantly plugs up my pot.

Potty Mouth-for real!
Some days are simply this way
in the bathroom I hear them at play
sounds like it’s in the sink.....
from the toilet she did drink
what more do I need to say.

A Prayer
6 years without sleep has been tough
I mean it, I’ve had enough
my husband thinks I’m playing
I just keep praying.....
“dear god, let him call my bluff!”

I’ll hop in the car and I’ll go
where to, I simply don’t know
somewhere it is quiet
away from this riot
for the break that I deserve so.

Who am I kidding, there’s no way
It’d be manslaughter on that day
For he could never survive
They’d eat dad alive
To the cops what could I say!

[The Dad]

This one was emailed to me by my dad. Apparently he took umbrage at the phrase "shamefully do not own a thesaurus". Guess I shouldn't have stolen his over Christmas.

Shameless

A fine thesaurus was owned by my dad
It seemed wasted and I needed it bad
I now call him shameless
He sends his posts nameless
But he's really more glad than sad

[monster mama]

This one got cut off at the end......sorry!

A Prayer
6 years without sleep has been tough
I mean it, I’ve had enough
my husband thinks I’m playing
I just keep praying.....
“dear god, let him call my bluff!”

I’ll hop in the car and I’ll go
where to, I simply don’t know
somewhere it is quiet
away from this riot
for the break that I deserve so.

Who am I kidding, there’s no way
It’d be manslaughter on that day
For he could never survive
They’d eat dad alive
To the cops what could I say!

“Mommy just needed some time”
Tequila and a suck on a lime
I fear they’d not get it
and I might regret it
A break shouldn’t feel like a crime!

[monster mama]

Mom! she pooped on the ground
and now she is dancing around
between her cute lil toes
and lord heaven knows
where else this poop can be found.

[monster mama]

Toilet paper in a line on the floor
I follow the line out the door
From here to there
It's still stuck up her rear
As she zooms around the house just once more.

[The Dad]

mm, Are you just excited to have an outlet for your inner poet, or do you just really need the chocolate, coffee, and donuts? Either way, I'm a little worried.

Make that a lot worried.

[Jaci]

We were a happy family of four.
We agreed on having no more.
So Dad had the snip
But the test he did skip
So now we have twins to adore.

[Dog Dad]

Looky, Daddy stories teach me
How rough child rearing can be
I get the point
Now I’m off to the joint
Where I get a vasectomy.