Cleaning House

While the limerick boulder continues to roll, I thought I'd post a few odds and ends that have piled up around here:

There Was Even a Bouncer at the Door

Only really cool people attend parties where luncheon-meat cake is served. But you already knew that, didn't you?

Mock My Tudor

It is for sites like this that blogging was invented.

Tag, I'm It

I'm not really a meme kind of guy, but I've been tagged by one of my first readers/blogging friends, Liesel at Dante's Inferno with Children, to share with you five things about me which you don't know. Of course, it is not beyond me to point out that sharing new things about me is what I do daily anyway, but this time, I'll do it in handy list form. If you are an attentive reader, you might even detect a theme.

1.  Once, while out on a date, the woman I was with looked at her watch and asked if I thought the date would last much longer. She told me she had plans to meet her friends for bowling afterward.

2.  Once I initiated the following conversation with a woman:

"Why is it we never went out?"
"Maybe it's because you never asked me."
"So, will you go out with me?"
"No."

3.  Once, a long-time girlfriend of mine broke up with me on the day I was released from an extended stay in the hospital. She told me she had wanted to wait until I was feeling better.

4.  Once I dated a woman for two months before she told any of her friends about it. When asked to justify the secrecy, she explained she only planned to date me for a few months anyway, so what was the big deal?

5.  The women in numbers 1 through 4 were all the same person. She's currently standing here punching me in the shoulder, saying, "Hey! That was a long time ago. You were a jerk back then, too, you know, and besides, you promised you wouldn't tell those stories anymore. Ooh, I am so getting my own blog."

Comments

[sasha]

Maybe she was just afraid you'd impregnate her with twins.

[gina]

i nannied for twin boys and i think your site is hilarious.

[Superfreo!]

Thanks for the link. There are many more mock tudor beauties to post when I get my computer back up and running.

[Jen3@amazingtrips.blogspot.com]

I wonder where I might pick up one of those mock tudor trashcans?! That would look fabulous next to our mock tudor dog house!!

We have 26-month old GGB (non-identical) triplets and your haiku about scooping poop from the tub is brilliant. Why, I JUST did that very thing ... tonight!

Sounds like you're doing a great job keeping everyone alive. Kudos - that's more than half the battle!

[Boutros]

I am so making a meatcake for a friend's upcoming birthday. Love your site.

[Amber]

I can not get enough of you! this is the best blog. You are great! and glad to hear the wife came around eventually. I, for one, fell in love with you instantly. (in that I like your blog alot kind of way)

[Erika]

My husband proposed to me at my best friend's wedding rehersal. He was trying to get my attention, and I pulled away from him, trying to tell my friend something. Finally he had to almost wrestle me to ask me to marry him. He still says to this day, he should have known then!

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

She must be something really special for you to have married her after all of that.

I am amazed? impressed? horrified? bewildered?

[JudieDJ]

I would adore a "The Mom" blog. It would be interesting to read exactly HOW she puts up with you.

[maggie]

A meat cake! Wow!

I have told my husband on repeated occasions that I would never have looked twice at him in high school/college, based on what I know of those years of his.

[Not Erin]

Oh, the titillation! I'm dying to know what you did to change that woman's mind about you.
Do you believe in karma?

[Diane]

Not Erin, the answer is obvious: He created the meat cake for her, then let her have the first slice. (Manners will get you anywhere!)

[You can call me, Sir]

My God. You married her after all of that? So, let's see: SAHD w/ twins and a 4y.o., all girls, married a heartless wench....The only theme that I see here is that you're a masochist. I'll bet you own a ball-gag, too.

Also, that cake...sodium-tastic! Looking at the picture, I actually heard my kidneys softly weeping.

[Tuesday]

I love it almost as much as I love meatcake

[Tammy]

I'm dreaming of meatcake. I need more details. You know, for research purposes.

[LIB]

I guess she changed her mind!

[P.L. Frederick]

Very funny! But weren't those five factoids in fact about your wife? Hee hee! Liked your writing so much I linked to you from my blog, which has nothing so amusing.

[The Mom]

I would take the time to write something defending myself, but I'm too busy spending my vacation day doing his job (while he contemplates world domination via his blog) and dealing with a clogged sewer line that leaked into our basement. Must find more rags to mop up the mess.

Wait . . . I just came up with a limerick. Go to the limericks to see my take on all this.

[Amy :)]

I too must know more about the meatcake. Then I can make one and write a limerick about it!

[Emmy]

Awesome. I seem to be the only one who thinks that is hysterically romantic. Maybe it's because I'm sorta delusional and that's just the sort of long term relationship I seem to be headed towards.

[Teri]

I ran across your blog and find it hilarious, well written and so true to life. Only one word of advice, buddy....wait till they're older. You have no idea what you are really up against....

bluegrassmusing-teri

[The Dad]

I believe, but I am not sure, that the idea for the meat cake came from Amy Sedaris' "I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence."

There were also tasteful meatloaf wreaths at the shindig.

[KatieG]

I'm almost afraid to ask, but what was in the middle of the meat cake? More meat? A cheesball? Cardboard? WHAT WAS IT, MAN?

[dan]

I was once at an outdoor show of some sort, with a comedian on stage.

He did games with the audience; at one point he brought a cute couple up for a sort of "newlywed game," and asked them to write down their answers to various questions. After completing them, the host read them aloud.

One of the questions was "How long do you think you two will stay together?"

Her answer: "FOREVER!"
His answer: "Three or four months."