Long. Live. First. Grade.

First grade is fighting for its life and Kathryn is trying to wring every last ounce of bizarre and mildly anti-social behavior out of it before she puts it down for the count.

It was a physical year for Kathryn, a year that began with Kathryn limping at break-neck speed from the school doors that first day, left knee wrapped enough tape and gauze to support Doctors Without Borders for a calendar year, calling out, "Daddy! Daddy! I met the nurse!"

And a few weeks later, I received one of the most unusual introductions to one of Kathryn's teachers I've ever had.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mr Sargent? This is Mrs. P. I just want you to know I would never, never, intentionally hurt your child."

"Oh, dear."

It was a year that Kathryn answered virtually every inquiry about her day with, "Please don't be mad," as in, "Please don't be mad, but we were on the playground playing a game where you had to hurt someone to live and so I hurt someone in the head and it went into his eye and he had to go to the nurse." Which left me wondering if a game where you have to "hurt someone to live" was somehow an initiation to a starter gang, like the Brownie version of the Crips. (I've heard the Bloods have Webelos.)

Intellectually, Kathryn grew by leaps and bounds this year, learning about punctuation and the mystery of the silent "e" and by mid-year she wase. writinge. alle. ofe. here. sentencese. like. thise. which I guess will make her work easier to recognize when we start finding "Cripse. Forevere." spray-painted behind the old train station. Of course, while she was wildly punctuating her written work, her spoken work begantosoundmorelikethis withnotasinglepauseforbreathormoreimportantlythought.

She also grew from a child who couldn't read to a child who doesn't read, which is an improvement of sorts. For the betterment of the environment, we've given up trying to get her to read aloud, because her dramatic sighs at every word that was not "cat" were surely contributing more than our family's fair share to Global Warming.

It was a year that soccer practice morphed into actual soccer games and Kathryn, in turn, morphed into the most single-minded halfback in the game, ready to kick the ball out of the possession of any girl who happened to dribble it past her, color of her jersey be damned. "She's remarkably, um, focused," her coach once remarked to me. I chose to take it as a compliment.

But first grade will give up the ghost soon, and with it, so will whatever sense of domestic tranquility I've been able to achieve this past year. But they will both be replaced with Kathryn's shining eyes and sweat-matted brow, and that's a trade I'm willing to make. For a few months, at least.

Comments

[The Whole Jackson]

Make. Love. Note. Ware.

[The Whole Jackson]

Or how about Kilroye. Wase. Here. Am I dating myself with these?

[The Gmama]

Perhaps the "doesn't read" syndrome that Kathryn exhibits is an inherited trait? If long term memory serves me, wasn't there a similar manifestation in a very close relative?

[You can call me, 'Sir']

Maybe she's channeling Shakespeare, what with his phrases involving words like 'olde' and 'flinte' and 'theefe', and 'Hamlet, thou arte a whiny little punke, forsoothe'.

It's really quite advanced for a 1st grader.

[Polly]

...ready to kick the ball out of the possession of any girl who happened to dribble it past her, color of her jersey be damned. "She's remarkably, um, focused," her coach once remarked to me.

This was a wonderful piece; I love your writing. Always do, though. Also I'm glad our girls are years and time zones apart because if ever they got on the same playing field, I get the feeling Kathryn would eat her up and spit her out like so much chaw.

[Diane]

A single-minded girl with a flair for the dramatic (loud sighs) and who uses silent Es and punctuation with abandon...sounds like a journalist in the making. From one kindred spirit to the other: You go, girl! Or, should I say: You. Go. Girl.

[Amy]

Hilarious, and so well-written. As a third grade teacher, I can totally relate. The punctuation and silent e's have somewhat worked their way out by the time they get to me, but new grammatical and spelling issues take their place. Like when the students learn about quotation marks, it's pandemonium. And I'm not sure why this is, but nearly every third grader spells these words incorrectly: dose = does; frist = first; thrid = third, mabe = maybe. I spend the entire year trying to teach those four words, and if they learn them, I've done my job well!

[Kate]

I can't stop laughing over the "Cripse. Forevere."

[Katherine]

I was feeling all giggly and pithy until the close - then I just felt sappy. You paint a nice picture Looky.

[stephanie]

omg, you kill me. "Cripse. Forevere." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[loren]

My husband sighs dramatically as well, when I tell him "OMG honey, you have to read this post!" He hates blogs. And reading. Until I tell him its from The Dad. Then it's okay.

You men.

And people picked on Whitman for using too much punctuation, and he's ae! literarye! geniuse!

[Renata]

I had no idea how physical the schooltime playground play is until we attended a birthday party last weekend. (By the by, not only was there no theme, there wasn't even cake! The parents were thrilled! The kids didn't notice!) School's been out for a few weeks, so this was a reunion for Liam and his former-Kinder classmates. There was punching, kicking, heads shoved under water, boys and girls all in one great two-hour melee. I suddenly realized Liam has been coming home with far fewer bruised and bloodied knees since school let out... Guess we need to expect more of it next year.

[Angela]

Thanks for making my morning, I'm still laughing at the thought of Kathryn on the soccer field, and on the playground "hurt someone to live game" and the Crips Forever reference. My son would so totally take on Kathryn, thank God they live in 2 different countries. The word most people use to describe my son is "intense". He will be in Grade One next year, where he will actually be expected to sit at a desk for long periods of time....help!

[Amber]

Way to go Kathryn! The Dad, you really are the best. The Mom has nothing on you.

[Meg]

What a great entry. Hysterical!
Here's to a good summer, Dad.

[Monica Brady]

They grow so quickly don't they?!?!?! First grade is coming to the end.. and summer is beginning.. I hope you have a wonderful summer...
Your post had me rolling!

[s.]

Funny, this is exactly how my neighborhood gang bangers spell their words. In fact, Kathryn spells a little better. And, from what I'm reading here, she just might have more guts than half of them, too.

Youe goe, girle.

[Anne Prince]

Ah the old (or should I type olde) silent E. When my oldest was Kathryn's age he had a gerbil (ick!) and he wrote a name/sign to put on it's cage. It was Mrs. Drabe. I asked him to pronounce it he said Mrs. Drab. I asked him about the E and he looked at me sadly and told me that the E was silent (like why didn't I know that - sheesh!!) I always called it Mrs. Drabe out of spite. This same kid is graduating HS next Thursday and is headed to TCNJ as a journalism/english major - LOL!

[loren]

Where ARE you?

I'm beginning to think you're having tantric comment-war makeup sex. Hurry up and get back to posting! Us addicts need a fix!

[whymommy]

Cuteness! That Kathryn is such a pistole!

[PermissiveParent]

I think this may be the funniest blog entry I have ever read in my life. It hurts me.