Today my older brother turns 40. All last week the girls and I were making cards and crafts for this monumental occasion. We made designs of black paper pasted on black paper, colored more black paper with black markers, drew black flowers with little skulls in the middle (Kathryn's touch), and were altogether hideously tacky individuals. Long ago my family forswore pleasant Hallmark birthday greetings for more irreverent fare, and as the youngest of the bunch, I can be as tasteless as I want, knowing that everyone will always be older than me. By a lot.
As we worked, Kathryn recited a stream-of-conscious series of poems all about death and old age, each one more disturbing than the last, making me wonder if my ability to choose to stay home with children should have been curtailed by a more conservative Supreme Court. Each poem was titled Turning Forty, and there were maybe a dozen in all. Here's the one she wanted included on this site:
Turning Forty, by Kathryn
Time turns weary
You moan for your bed
And then one day you rest your head
And never awaken again
Until it's time to say goodbye
And go into the grave
After she dictated the poem to me, I asked her if there was anything else she wanted to add to it. She said, "Oh, yes. Please make the last line say 'Happy Birthday Uncle Randy.' With an explanation point."
So Happy Birthday Uncle Randy. With an explanation point.
explanation point = disclaimer?
Maybe she wanted you to put on here that it's not her fault she's writing morbid birthday greetings. It's all that "pain" that she's in as an arttis.
And I love that you got permission to put her work online. Such an awesome daddy thing to do, especially after the last fiasco.
Posted by: loren | July 11, 2007 at 01:21 AM
That is just too funny. My hubby is turning 40 in September. I found the perfect card for him this week. It has Al Gore on the front saying,
"You're putting HOW many candles on your cake this year?" On the inside it has, "What did the polar ice caps ever do ito you?"
Posted by: Tammy from Twinstuff | July 11, 2007 at 08:39 AM
As someone who's both the baby of the family and the baby of my group of friends, I giggle at your creative antics--right up my alley. But as someone who hits the Big Four-Oh in November, I now dread what my sister and nephew are scheming, thanks to your antics...
Posted by: Diane | July 11, 2007 at 09:33 AM
How very Wednesday-from-The-Addams-Family of her.
Her use of 'weary' and 'awaken' is pretty impressive for a young'n, too.
Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' | July 11, 2007 at 10:19 AM
Well, it seems that Uncle Randy and I share a birthday. I turn 39 today. I'm also enjoying my 38th week of pregnancy with baby boy #3 (beat that Uncle Randy!). I, too, moan for my bed and I really don't care if I awaken or not. Kathryn really knows a lot about pain, doesn't she.
Posted by: Sue | July 11, 2007 at 11:34 AM
Oh come now, The Dad, are you really that "far" from 40 yourself? Somehow I don't believe it - you speak with the wisdom of one who has weathered many years. (Or many martinis - which is it?)
Posted by: mommy24x7 | July 11, 2007 at 11:50 AM
I desperately want to start using more 'explanation points.' Outta the mouths of babes... !
Posted by: Viaggiatore | July 11, 2007 at 11:56 AM
Can I please have the arttis Kathryn come be my child? She is obviously wise beyond her years and would be the perfect addition to my family. My three year old needs a sibling and since I can't (or is it won't - I can never remember) she would be perfect for his smart little mouth!! And I am in LOVE with explanation points, so she would be very very happy here in Seattle. She could be a struggling arttis all jacked up on caffeine!!
Posted by: Faith | July 11, 2007 at 11:58 AM
Your child has some seriously morbid talent. Maybe you should mass distribute cards that are a little irreverent for those birthday occassions with her verses in them.
Beverly
Posted by: Beverly | July 11, 2007 at 12:22 PM
I was sitting here wondering - how did she do it? How did a little child capture, so perfectly, the experience of aging? And then I realized she just applied what she learned from her last camping trip, and the mystery was solved.
Posted by: dregina | July 11, 2007 at 12:46 PM
I am also the youngest in my family. But I treat my elders with respect. I also realize that if I start calling my sister or brother "old" that means that I'll be "old" when I reach their age. And I ain't no way gonna be "old" in 5 years (or 10)
Posted by: Mary | July 11, 2007 at 01:43 PM
I love it. perfect.
Posted by: tuesday | July 11, 2007 at 02:16 PM
Your kid completly rocks. That is just freakaing creative and so right, all at the same time.
Posted by: Phoenix | July 11, 2007 at 03:04 PM
You know how sometimes when you learn more about the parents and/or siblings of someone you know, you say to yourself "That explains how he got that way!" Not that I'm being a dime store psychologist or anything.
Posted by: Joy | July 11, 2007 at 07:56 PM
I SO love morbid children!
Posted by: tallulah | July 11, 2007 at 11:53 PM
Thanks for the death clock. It said you have 63,936,000 more seconds than I do until I plugged in the part about twins. I'm not sharing how much ahead I came out on that one.
Thanks Kathryn for so thoughtfully coloring over the skull on the flower!
Love,
The Uncle
Posted by: The Uncle | July 11, 2007 at 11:57 PM
The Uncle: Gled you liked the death clock. Remember, it's the thought that counts. And I'm not so sure that twins age a person prematurely as much as they make that person crave the sweet release of death.
Posted by: The Dad | July 12, 2007 at 01:03 PM
Gled? The Dad is Gled? Or did the Arttis type The Dad's last comment?
:-P
Posted by: Laura | July 12, 2007 at 02:51 PM