30 Days Is Just 1,440 Back-to-Back Episodes of DragonTales

As best as I can remember, there were about five of us crowded into the small room, six if you count the guy in the hospital bed. One of the other five was me and one was The Mom, which I find almost impossible to imagine because the year was 1987 and The Mom was still a good thirteen years away from being The Mom. Further, she was four years from even being The Girlfriend. Four years from The Girlfriend, six years from The Ex-Girlfriend, eight years from The Re-Girlfriend, nine years from The On-A-Break Girlfriend, ten years from The Fiance, eleven from The Wife, and thirteen from The Mom.

The guy in the bed was still and quiet. He was awake, we knew, since he had acknowledged our group's presence with a look, but as we jostled around his bed, he neither moved nor spoke. He was a freshman in college. We were all freshmen in college. He had no skin on his back.

He had been one of many students piled into a convertible which had been driving too fast after too many drinks when the driver lost control. Most everyone was thrown from the car. Two lost their lives. Our friend lost the skin on his back when he skidded down the highway at an initial speed of 70 miles per hour.

As we shuffled around the room, one of us, a girl whose name neither The Mom nor I can recall (which makes me nervous because I don't want her pseudonym to accidentally coincide with her actual name so I'll call her Gertie because surely had her name been Gertie we would have remembered it) stubbed her toe on one of the machines that surrounded the hospital bed.

"Ow!" Gertie exclaimed, loudly.

"Shhhh!" the rest of us replied.

"But it hurts," Gertie said in a voice that I now recognize to be the only voice in which a seven-year-old can speak between the hours of 3 PM and forever.

At this, our friend in the bed opened his eyes again. Then he opened his mouth. "Pain," he croaked, "is a relative concept."

I tell this story a lot, not just because it shows how witty a guy with no back can be, but because it is so undeniably true.

Eleven years later, when The Future-Mom and I got married, we did not take a honeymoon. We were too busy, you see. The Mom was knee deep in grad school, cranking out her master's thesis on Underwater Pottery Techniques of 13th Century Half-Polynesian Tradesmen Named Joe and I was doing something equally compelling by taking night classes to get a teacher's certificate in a subject that I never proceeded to teach. We were far too busy to take time out for a honeymoon.

"Busy-ness," I hear my voice of today croaking, "is a relative concept."

And it is. With each new day, I look back on moments past and think what a total dimwit I was to believe I was busy before. Except, and here's the kicker, in one month the twins start preschool. Preschool, people, are you listening to me? Puh-ree. Suh-chool. And just like that, I will instantly become the least busy I have ever been. Ever.

Oh sweet Mary and Joseph, my nipples are hard just thinking about it.

Comments

[Julie]

Great post!

Believe me, things will come about to fill up your time. I mean, you get to start with the soccer thing, and the scouting thing, and tee-ball and b-day parties and field trips and lunches and parent-teacher meetings and...

Still, enjoy this moment of less-business while it lasts.

[Chantelle]

Six 1/2 years grad school in something that is even less practical than underwater pottery techniques (I mean, at least with that you can maybe make pots) followed immediately by the baby and I know I am not done yet, but you, sir, just painted me a picture of the promised land which will sweeten my dreams until then.

That more than makes up for the image of a man with no back skin, which I now can't seem to shake.

(First time poster, by the way, who giggles aloud when reading your blog and then giggles a second time when I read it to my husband)

[Susan]

I chuckle aloud as I read this post. You have yet to become busy! Soon, the volunteer "opportunities" will come a-floodin' in! Then it's playdates and field trips and parties. "Busy" as an in-the-workplace-person is NOTHING compared to "busy" as a stay-at-home-parent. You are about to enter a chapter of much fun and carpooling. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have!

[You can call me, 'Sir']

Careful, though. With all that free time on your hands, you might end up getting into stuff that you shouldn't, like soap operas and heroin. Seriously, they go together like chocolate and peanut butter. I hear.

So, technically, the twins are currently saving you from a life of addiction. You owe them big.

[Tammy from Twinstuff]

Yay!You are going to love it. I put my twinkies in mother's day out 1X a week when they were 20 months. They are moving up to 2X when school starts back. The kicker is that they are so sweet to each other and mind the teacher at school where they fight, bite, and try to kill each other while they are home. I plan to spend my extra time at my son's new school. He starts kindergarten this fall. I taught kindergarten for many years and want to volunteer on a regular basis.

[Sue]

When my twins started preschool, I was so bored I had another baby.

[The Godfather]

The Dad,
That is truly awesome news!! You must tell us of your plans for the future! And how long do they involve contant Martinis?

And, the question I'm sure we all have on our brains, "will you teach school in New Jersey?"

[Tasha]

I remember that wreck. Yikes.

And yay! for un-busyness. Although I'll believe it when I see it :-)

[cupcake]

I hate to burst your little bubble - or, heaven forbid, wilt the nipples - but you're going to be a whole lot busier when they're in preschool. Trust. For one thing, you're going to try and accomplish in three hours what you normally give yourself all day to do. And for another, you're going to feel a little selfish over those three hours because, damnit, you're FREE for three hours and you don't want some interloper coming along and soaking up YOUR time.

But here's to that first moment that you step into your child-free home. It's divine.

[Brooke]

I just dropped off kid #2 at preschool this morning....and now I don't know what to do with myself.

Kid #2 is the masthead for today, goggles and all!

[katie]

Time for baby #4?

[Shortie]

Hey! I haven't logged in for several months [see keyword: busyness] and I'm happy to be procrastinating and improving my mind by reading your blog again. 2 things. One, I read parts of your post today to my teenagers and some of their friends (one of mine is highly likely to RAGE in a CONVERTIBLE after PARTYING, BABY! as soon as someone has his/her license) so you are reaching folks of all ages and thank you. And two, remember when you had Kathryn (sorry if I'm misspelling; I'm too eager to finish and continue reading L'yD'y.com) and you DID stuff while she napped, and then you had the twins and you wondered WHY THE HECK YOU DIDN'T NAP WHEN KATHRYN WAS AN ONLY CHILD AND WAS NAPPING because now you realized you would never sleep again (or have a moment's peace, for that matter)? Don't let that happen with your first experience with all offspring in school. Because all of a sudden you will be horrendously (wondrously) busy again. So figure out how you want or need to use that time and don't spend it not-napping (or its equivalent)! I vote for your devoting every spare hour to writing for all of us.

[ramblingmom]

You have NO CLUE how really fast that couple of hours goes by.

[shawn]

I think I've written about this topic, but if not I've dreamt about writing about it for a long time. I typically do dream about what I should blog about. Odd.

I totally relate to that past-life feeling of busy. I've even offended a non-parent friend or two by stating such facts -- usually after they've complained about being busy.

I think back to all the things I really could have been doing with my non-parenting time, how the house would be gorgeous, how that novel would be not just written, but probably published, how I would have been thin from all that exercise.

Congrats on being a month away from being less busy. What will you do to fill the time??????

[Renata]

Given free time around the home sans partner or children, I tend to become paralyzed with indecision. Or maybe it's shock.

[The Dad]

Yes, yes, yes, I know I will be busy. I know I'll not have leisure time. I know the time will go by fast. Don't forget, the twins aren't my first kid, and when Kathryn began preschool, I went back to teaching. In the minimal freetime preschool afforded me, I taught 118 eighth graders mathematics. For a year. And if I could do that, then at the very least, starting in September, I will manage an occasional latte and maybe even a trip to the dentist.

[Nicole]

Ooooh! A dental visit! You are planning on leading a life of decadence come September. What's next? Haircuts? Colonoscopy?

[cupcake]

Oh, dream big. Get a man pedi. Teach driver's ed. Paint your kitchen in Tromp d'Eoil style. Carve a canoe out of a tree.

[The Dad]

Nicole & cupcake: How about a colonoscopy and a man pedi in the same day. That will take care of just about everything south of the belt.

Just about.

[Amber]

3 martini playdate minus the twins. sounds marvelous.

[mommy24x7]

Oh, my. How far you've come from 1987. By the way, I remember you guys back then pre-Mom and Dad, pre-boyfriend/girlfriend, pre-anything. What took you so long, anyway? You sure piddled around getting to the Really Important Stuff in Life. And now that you are there, you're dreaming of dentist appointments and lattes in your spare time. Sigh. And yes, you will still be busy.

[The Dad]

Um, what????!!! mommy24x7, you remember us from back then? Really?!? Who the hell are you? I'm so very freaked out right now.

[Joy]

Everything south of the belt that you have time for, anyway, even *with* all the kids in school.

[Sandra]

I'll tell you what I find time to do in the luxurious 2 hours of preschool that my twins started in last fall. I manage a whole 1/2 hour of gym time (man can I superset with the best of them or what?) and then a marathon sprint through the grocery store (I actually make up my list in the order the grocery story is laid out in to save time!) and then somehow race back, running several near-red lights, just in time to pick up the kidlets because God forbid I am 1 second late then I have two hysterical kids in tears that Mommy wasn't going to show up to take them home. And you know what? Although it's a hugely frazzled two hours, it's bliss. Grocery shopping sans kids is almost nirvana, even if I do have to sprint the whole time. This fall I get three whole mornings to myself plus an extra 15 minutes each time. Whatever will I do with those extra 15 minutes? Perhaps I will take up a boy toy at the gym and squeeze in a quickie? The possibilities are endless. My mind reels. Enjoy the time off, you've earned it.

[cupcake]

With all the empahasis on multi-tasking, I would hope that your physician offers man pedis during the colonoscopy.

It's the least he can do, really.