If you flip a coin, you have a one in two chance of it landing on heads. If you flip two coins, you have a three out of four chance of at least one of them landing on heads. Think about it: Heads-heads, heads-tails, tails-heads, and tails-tails. Three out of four show heads. That's pretty good odds. Betting odds, you might say.
Now re-read that paragraph, reading the words "flip a coin" as "take a two-year-old to preschool," and the words "landing on heads" as "losing her shit."
I was not ready for that. I was not ready for the kick in the gut that comes from pulling my girls' hands apart as they wrapped around each of my legs, begging and pleading for me not to walk out of the door. I tell you it was a horrible feeling, a terrible overflow of emotion of pity and self-doubt and self-loathing, a feeling that almost lasted all the way though my first expensive espresso drink of each day.
Almost.
But now even that moment is a thing of the past. Now, the twins love school. They love it. They would gladly step over my beaten and bleeding body to get into that classroom, with its delirious mixture of toys, markers, and glue sticks. And beaten and bleeding I am by the time I get everybody there, because as much as they love school, it does not seem to occur to any of my three girls that they need to voluntarily participate in any of the daily activities that lead up to it. As nutmeg once wrote in one of the funniest one-liners I've read, the only way to ensure that all of your children can find the shoes they need when it’s time to walk out the door is to cut off their feet. So now, if I can just find a saw, my days should be completely worry free.
My twins just finished up their third week of preschool/daycare/people I pay for silence. Some days they would step over my broken and bleeding body and some days they'd rather cling to me crying "mommie don't leave." Either way, I prefer to cling to a bottle of Gray Goose.
Posted by: Kate | September 22, 2007 at 12:49 PM
Talk about losing his ****.
A Saturday post?
Posted by: Gdada | September 22, 2007 at 01:15 PM
Dude, how do the teachers stand all the crying and weeping and stuff?
Posted by: Victoria | September 22, 2007 at 01:54 PM
If you can train the girls to take their shoes off at the door you have the advantage of the shoes being (typically) within kicking distance of the door.
Posted by: clickmom | September 22, 2007 at 07:32 PM
LMAO
thats all i have to say about this one.
LMAO!!
Posted by: Amber | September 22, 2007 at 07:36 PM
If you happen to encounter a size 5 pink Nike shoe while you're looking for the saw, could you let me know? New Jersey is about the only place I haven't checked in the past 24 hours.
Posted by: Burgh Baby's Mom | September 22, 2007 at 11:00 PM
I can always find the todler's shoes, cuz I am the one to take them off and put them away. But she spends most of her day wearing MY shoes all over the house. So while your looking, if you spot a size 11 black pump, I really need it for work on Monday!
Posted by: Adrienne | September 22, 2007 at 11:57 PM
It took 6 months of crying (every single effing day) and after pulling him out of preschool... another 7 months before trying it again. Izzy (now 4) will willingly go to preschool after 5 kisses, 3 hugs and a promise of "I will pick you up in 2 1/2 hours". But I know how you feel.....the other four which are older would rather cut out my eyeballs with a blunt butter knife than forfeit school.
Posted by: tallulah | September 23, 2007 at 12:44 AM
I'm trying to follow the logic.
I lost my pre-baby ass. If I saw off the one I have NOW, the old one will reappear.
Yep, the logic works.
I noticed you're not TOO beaten nor TOO bloody to enjoy a nice, hot, expensive coffee-drink. The joys of someone else caring for your children!
Posted by: loren | September 23, 2007 at 04:42 AM
My six year old son is still adjusting to Grade One, he complains and begs to be allowed to stay at home. My husband is the poor soul who gets to hear all the complaining, tears and the chaos of morning readiness as he drops the kids off at school, I get the hugs and smiles at pick up time....I know, I'm very lucky. Sorry, no advice to give you, just my sympathies.
Posted by: Angela | September 24, 2007 at 10:07 AM
By some freak of nature, I'm pretty sure we have lost more kid's shoes than we have ever owned.
Posted by: jon deal | September 24, 2007 at 12:06 PM
I have a hard time on Mondays when my kids go to school...or shall I say, they have a hard time, especially if they spent the weekend with their dad and not me...and then I walk home usually in tears.
Yet, most days they're like "See ya! Get out of here! We're going to school and you're not!"
What a rollercoaster.
Posted by: steppingoverthejunk | September 24, 2007 at 04:08 PM
Ah, but what are the odds of the coin landing on its SIDE? That, my friends, is the $25,000 dollar question.
Chris
http://thesuperdad.blogspot.com
Posted by: Chris | September 25, 2007 at 01:17 AM