The Fun Continues

So, when you find yourself standing in front of your oldest daughter's elementary school, covered in a mixture of oatmeal and cheerios and bile, holding a child who is equally covered, with some of the mixture even pooled between your shirt and your child, do you walk back to your car as you are, or do you strip down and head back al fresco?

It's amazing how you can spend over six hours at a beach, never once self-conscious about your lack of shirt, shoes, or service, but a half-minute streak to your car in suburban New Jersey can make you completely rethink your whole life.

Perhaps I should have kept the clothes on.

Comments

[Nicole]

Oh, ugh. I think the streak was completely justified.

Connery had yogurt poured on his head on his second day of school--suddenly a little crunchy yogurt hair sounds might fine in comparison.

[The Dad]

Oh, no, Nicole. Vomit, no matter how copious, is a blameless event. Yogurt on the head is not. I'll take the former, especially as it leads to hours upon hours of guilt-free movie watching.

But did I mention that it was Lila, not Victoria, who threw up? The joy of twins.

[Nicole]

You're a shoo-in for that lucrative Dad of the Year award now.

[becky from sc]

May I be the first to say "eeewww"?

[Renata]

I second both the "ewwww" and the "streak: justified".

And there's a clear upside to being the Dad and male-bodied - I don't think even that ambrosial mix allows a woman to readily whip off her shirt in public. Several times have I driven home with sick on various parts of my clothing, after putting a spare outfit on the source kid.

[Procrastamom]

I once got puked on at the mall in the food court. I lifted my four year-old up over my head to give him an "airplane ride" and he let loose in my face and hair. My husband just looked at the kid working at A&W and said, "I think you're going to need a mop over here." Then we hightailed it to the car where we couldn't help but laugh hysterically all the way home. It was either that or drive off the nearest cliff to avoid the inevitable clean-up.

I feel your pain. Did you just stand there shocked for a minute, wondering if the earth would blessedly swallow you up?

[Diane]

Man, and my boyfriend thought he had it bad when a bird pooped on his shoulder as he walked in my door yesterday...

And by the way, the masthead photo today is the funniest I've seen!

[Sue]

You haven't seen anything until you've had to dig partially digested peas out of your bra. And yes, the streak was justified.

[The Godfather]

And, you made fun of me once for saying that throw-up was nastier than poop!!

I stand by an offer I once made, if anyone has the power to make it happen. IF I would never again have to be thrown up on, I would gladly change every diaper my lovely daughter produced. I would even gladly be teleported Star Trek-style from whatever activity I was engaged in to change a diaper whenever it happened! If only, I would never have that unique experience again of having throw-up spewed upon me!

Who's with me?

[Loth]

Yep, you're not really a parent till you've had to clean someone else's vomit out of your ears at 3am. And I second The Godfather - I would deal with any number of nappies - even the explosive "My God, he must be hollow now" ones - if I never again had to scrape second hand lamb casserole off a mattress.

[chocs]

eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww you poor thing! how are the twins now?

[Katherine]

I'm so sorry. And, two sick to boot. Poor poor The Dad.

[Petunia]

North Jersey is so stuffy. In South Jersey, you'da blended in better!

[DebiD]

Sorry, but I have to vote that poop is much, much nastier than puke. Perhaps those who think puke is nastier have not yet witnessed a livingroom carpet full of footprint-shaped, smushed-in feces with matching handprints on the walls and television? Oh, and two smiling, naked people covered head to toe standing in the middle like a couple of cherries on the sundae. I'd take puke on the head any day over having to relive that.

Hope everyone is feeling better soon, the Dad, and that you're spared the virus yourself.

[Kim]

Puke is a funny thing. It never grossed me out much with my own kids, but other kids would make me gag. Now that my kids are older- my twins are 14 but I did recently offer silent support from the side of the toilet bowl recently- it's not much of a issue.

Then last summer my 6 y.o. nephew got car sick. In my car. Just as he was about to puke, my hands rushed over and caught it all. And I held it in my hands for the remaining 10 minutes of the ride. Never once gagged. Guess I really love that kid.

[bette]

puke > poop, re: nastiness.

I smell puke & I wanna puke.

I smell poop & I wanna clean it up.

Maybe this is an obstacle thing: I can better handle getting the obstacle out of the way if it's poop. Maybe this is down to genetics & variants of olfactory receptor genes?

[Tammie]

Ah yes. The puke covered shirt. Its an attractive trend around here. I especially love it when said puker has recently eaten fruit snacks and goldfish crackers. Niiiice.

Your blog is great, glad I came across it.

[BBM]

Al fresco was a great idea just as long as you weren't the only one. Now if you tell us that you removed your own vomit-covered clothing, but left Lila to suffer in her own stench, then that is just plain wrong. Also? Not fair that us people with boobs can't do al fresco when such an occassion arises.

[Renata]

Ooh, goldfish crackers, not good. Tho' I recently learned that strawberries coming back up outta a kid aren't too, too bad. Kinda offsets the rest of the scent.

[loren]

I don't believe you.

Send pictures.

[Sweet Mary Sunshine]

At least it was your offspring. Having been projectile ralphed upon by twinfants simultaneously this past New Year's morning, I can attest to the ick factor. But having been yakked upon by a drunken friend (when I was sober) who "accidentally" drank pee from a Molson bottle in college, in which the puke sprayed into my ears, through my shirt and bra, and even between my toes, I have to say that family puke is much better.

Although, I honestly wouldn't wish any puke upon anyone. Sorry to hear about your adventure. Here's to a quick recovery in The Dad's household.

[Jess]

Sorry to hear about your pukescapades. But in true LD style, I will now share tonight's pukefest. Baby Daddy decided it was a good idea to rough house with Toddler A when said Toddler had a belly full of milk. While laying on his back, BD tossed A up into the air (he has been warned repeatedly that tossing a full kid may yield unsavory results). Toddler A urped, dripping partially digested milk curdles into BD's mouth. And to think, we hadn't had much puke around here since Toddler B tried to eat "Good Night Gorilla" three months ago.

[The Dad]

I love how this post has turned into a referendum of all things puke. What did the blogosphere do before us?

[Kelly]

I've yet to be puked upon in public.

Of course, now that I've stated this out loud, my punishment will no doubt be swift and severe.

[Rachel]

My most recent experience was when I learned that Jello is not, under any circumstances, considered a clear liquid and should NOT, under any circumstances, be given to a child with the stomach flu. It is very challenging to get that red dye out of the rug!