The Second Annual Haiku-a-thon

I am writing to you in secret. My wife is in the twins' room, reading them bedtime stories, and I've stolen to the basement with my laptop to transcribe a few handwritten notes into a real live blog post. It's November 4th and we close on our new house in just four days. Four days. If my wife knew I was taking time out to post to my blog, I would no longer have a blog. Or fingers with which to type a post to it. We're lucky she hasn't taken this laptop away just as a precaution. Well, not really lucky. I hid it down here in the basement, under the cats' litter box, just in case.

But she'll find it eventually, yes she will, and then our midnight trysts will be over. I'll miss you and I hope to see you on the other side of this move. In the meantime, I thought I'd leave you with what you all come to my site for anyway, a poetry contest.

The Second Annual Haiku Contest to be precise.

The rules are simple. Write a 5-7-5 haiku. Post your haiku. Win a fabulous prize. The haiku must have something to do with children or childrearing in general. You can post as many as you like, the more the merrier.

On Thursday, Nov 8th, I'll post the ten finalists. At that point, I'll open the voting up to you. By Saturday we'll declare a winner. The winner will get one of my Please-Help-Me-Through-Another-Day gift packs: a pound of coffee, a pack of chocolate-covered espresso beans, and a dozen donuts.

I'll get us started with a few of my own.

Someone's in for an Asskicking When His Wife Gets Home

Curly blond tresses
"Looky! I'm a hairdresser!"
All over the floor

Please Bring Back Garanimals

Tiger with tiger
Koala with koala
Nobody goes blind

Two Out of Three Developmental Milestones Ain't Bad

Drink from a real cup
Sleep in a bed with no rails
Poop behind the couch

Comments

[Kerri]

(Do Not) Kiss Me Goodnight

I kiss him on the cheek
"Take your kiss back!"
I steal it and give it to Timber Bear

[Amelia]

The Wonderful World of Disney Princesses

Crappy role models
Girls without spine or substance
Very watchable

[sasha]

oo! oo! I've been waiting all year for this!

I'll be back with the haiku.

[Kerri]

I kiss Jeffrey on the cheek
"Mom, take your kiss back!"
Timber Bear gets it instead

[kerri]

The Wheels On The Bus

The bus doors open
Joey is sleeping inside
The wheels turn too long

[Kerri Stanley]

Toys in the hallway
Colliding with our footsteps
Curses in the air

[Sharlene]

Why God Gave Me Boys

Weekend with the girls
way too many loud screatches
next time bring earplugs!

[WhichBox]

Separation

My sweet baby girl
Innocence taken from her
Please Daddy don't go

(ugh, sorry, crappy life at the moment)

A separation
Is time for figuring out
life really does suck

A daughter can love
her mommy so much she wipes
the tears from her eyes

Wow. I better leave before I'm booted out. Parenthood is Happy. And Joyous.

[becky from sc]

A Toddler's Sense of Time

a ten minute nap
new toys forgotten in five
two-hour hand wash

[Mike]

Haiku is a delight

please do not eat that
cheddar cheese off of the floor
thirty seconds passed

i know that giggle
means terrible things are done
don't pee on the dog

shrieking and jumping
i've never seen poop so big
you just lost four pounds

you sing in your sleep
with your sweet soft lilting voice
the alphabet song

all you will eat is
peanut butter and jelly
don't wipe that on me

please sleep for a while
your mother has gone crazy
snip-snip while I sleep

I could do this all night. I'll stop now though.

[Kelly Anne]

Words I never thought I'd utter

Car keys buried where?
Do not handcuff your brother!
How'd this poop get here?

[Meredith]

Hooray for Monday Haiku Trio

Been a long weekend
With your incessant whining
Yay! Work tomorrow

Daylight savings time
Ends, disrupting sleep patterns
Must repeal this law

Spelling quiz Monday
Study hard your sight words
No freak outs, OK?

[Sharon]

Bathtime

Three kids in the bath
Sudden shrieks and loud screaming
A large turd floats by

[Heidi]

Dyslexic?

Sarah reads her book
But the word "look" becomes "cool"
And bites her backwards

[Doug Webb]

No children here yet
Niece and nephew are enough
Got to go home now

[Heidi]

Halloween Sugar Withdrawal Blues

Is it dessert night?
Can I have a candy now?
You are not nice mom!

[Heidi]

The Homework Mantra

Do you have homework?
Did you do all your homework?
Where is your homework?

(Chant multiple times every school day while frantically searching for field trip permission form and hot lunch money)

[Arwen]

Still a Little Fuzzy on Mammal Identification

Looking out window
Smart baby points and says, "Dog!"
Wait, that's a squirrel

Daddy Hopes Her Technique Will Keep the Boys Away

Loves to give kisses
Such an affectionate girl
Hand me napkin, please

[witchypoo]

I suck at haiku
Count syllables on fingers
Yours are much better

[riann]

water water everywhere!
who gave him a sippy cup?
wet, wet shirt must go!

[Kristin]

ok, here's mine:

NO ONE WARNED ME

breaking my pelvis
she shot out like a bullet
it was all worth it

[Amelia]

Try a Different Octave, Please

You ask for ice cream
candy, popcorn, and goldfish
Only dogs can hear

[Karen]

It's a Mom Thing

I feel a tingling
Familiar throb of let-down
Oh crap, now I'm drenched

[debbeeanne]

Nana's House

We have no rules here
Hurry, eat all the candy
Mama's coming soon

[Arwen]

Bath Time is Fiber Time

Explain to me, child
Why you eschew all food, yet
Chow down on washcloth