I am writing to you in secret. My wife is in the twins' room, reading them bedtime stories, and I've stolen to the basement with my laptop to transcribe a few handwritten notes into a real live blog post. It's November 4th and we close on our new house in just four days. Four days. If my wife knew I was taking time out to post to my blog, I would no longer have a blog. Or fingers with which to type a post to it. We're lucky she hasn't taken this laptop away just as a precaution. Well, not really lucky. I hid it down here in the basement, under the cats' litter box, just in case.
But she'll find it eventually, yes she will, and then our midnight trysts will be over. I'll miss you and I hope to see you on the other side of this move. In the meantime, I thought I'd leave you with what you all come to my site for anyway, a poetry contest.
The Second Annual Haiku Contest to be precise.
The rules are simple. Write a 5-7-5 haiku. Post your haiku. Win a fabulous prize. The haiku must have something to do with children or childrearing in general. You can post as many as you like, the more the merrier.
On Thursday, Nov 8th, I'll post the ten finalists. At that point, I'll open the voting up to you. By Saturday we'll declare a winner. The winner will get one of my Please-Help-Me-Through-Another-Day gift packs: a pound of coffee, a pack of chocolate-covered espresso beans, and a dozen donuts.
I'll get us started with a few of my own.
Someone's in for an Asskicking When His Wife Gets Home
Curly blond tresses
"Looky! I'm a hairdresser!"
All over the floor
Please Bring Back Garanimals
Tiger with tiger
Koala with koala
Nobody goes blind
Two Out of Three Developmental Milestones Ain't Bad
Drink from a real cup
Sleep in a bed with no rails
Poop behind the couch
Oh yeah. This is my favorite time of year. A crispness in the air, Red Sox are World Series champs, the Pats are undefeated, and I will be thinking only in haiku for the next four days! Woohoo!!!
Posted by: John | November 05, 2007 at 09:54 AM
You can play with those annoying water flutes instead
Your bottom itches
Public shame at hands in pants
No more bubble bath
Wherein I answer the obnoxious question about the next child
I have only one.
No, I am not having more.
Screw you, have your own.
Posted by: The Dol | November 05, 2007 at 09:55 AM
Cold is coming on.
The first signs - no play
now, sleep a little longer
Vomit is coming
Posted by: | November 05, 2007 at 09:59 AM
sorry - I'm the one with vomiting kids!
Posted by: Katherine | November 05, 2007 at 10:00 AM
The great mountain waits
Mom where are my underpants?
Doing laundry sucks
Posted by: Heidi | November 05, 2007 at 10:42 AM
Reflections on Packing
At under three years
You own more stuff than I do
Just shy of forty
Posted by: The Dad | November 05, 2007 at 10:50 AM
How I Find the Time to Shower
"Hola! I'm Dora!
And this is my best friend, Boots!"
cheap babysitters
Posted by: sasha | November 05, 2007 at 11:09 AM
Recommended Daily Allowance
Your first morning words:
Mama! I need choklit shake!
whine and lip tremble
Posted by: sasha | November 05, 2007 at 11:14 AM
Ver. 2.0
Our young otaku
face buried in his manga
just like his daddy
Posted by: sasha | November 05, 2007 at 11:19 AM
Approaching Two
Do you want some cheese?
No! Some apple juice instead?
No! No! No! No! No!
Cheese? Cheese? Cheese? Door? Cheese?
Can you say please? Peez. Tanku.
Mommy! Mommy! Kiss!
Getting Ready to Go
Time to put shoes on.
Go limp! I shall be shoe free!
No? Other ones! Orange shoe!
Posted by: Liza | November 05, 2007 at 11:38 AM
Quit'cher Whining
Grape jelly only
One kind of peanut butter
Stalinist sandwich
Posted by: The Whole Jackson | November 05, 2007 at 11:46 AM
Twins getting out of the car
Come back here right now!
Because I said so, that's why..
Wait! Where's your brother?
Ahhh...Peace and quiet
Naptime, naptime everywhere
CRAP! What was that noise?
Yes, they are twin boys
You're right, they don't look alike
Repeat as needed
Yeah, twins are just great!
Why don't you take one of ours?
No...he's the good one.
(just kidding ppl, please don't attack me...I love them both and they are both good...so on and so forth)
Posted by: Chickenpig | November 05, 2007 at 11:57 AM
The Dad-
I think you got a little over-zealous in the packing... you packed two kids that aren't yours into your masthead!
Posted by: The Godfather | November 05, 2007 at 12:22 PM
OK, I have to say: Liza, you rocked my world with your "Approaching Two" haiku. My 20-month old daughter sounds EXACTLY LIKE THAT.
Overcrowding
Mom, Dad, toddler girl
A new baby on the way
All in one bedroom.
Irresistible Force
Frantic mouse clicking
Signals disobedience
Put that down right now!
Posted by: SarahD | November 05, 2007 at 12:39 PM
Godfather: We took in a second set of twins for the holidays. It seemed the charitable thing to do. And really, there's not much difference between two toddlers and four toddlers when Blues Clues is on.
Posted by: The Dad | November 05, 2007 at 12:57 PM
It's Funny, For Now...
Teaching her to talk
Stupid us for not getting
That "clock" comes out "cock!"
Posted by: KK | November 05, 2007 at 01:11 PM
How's this for a start?
I Love My Urologist
Just a quick snip snip
So easy, should have done it
When I was eighteen
The Stomach Bug
Oh, did you make doo?
As if I needed to ask
Poo runs down your leg
Do I Know You?
"Oh twins, they're so cute.
They must keep you real busy!"
Please get a new line
Gather Ye Thorny Rosebuds
Many people say
These are the best days-I say
When will you move out?
Posted by: John | November 05, 2007 at 01:17 PM
Bathroom Bliss
Put the hairspray down
Stop eating toilet paper
Trash ain't a toy box
Posted by: KK | November 05, 2007 at 01:24 PM
BK VS. AK
Once we were quite hip
Traveling the globe with backpacks
Now van, three carseats
THE COMMON REFRAIN
You've got your hands full
Says he when spots twins plus one
I smile weakly
Posted by: sara | November 05, 2007 at 01:55 PM
It's all ups and downs, right? well, third time is the charm...
How to stop THAT conversation at work
No coffee for you?
Are you finally pregnant?
Not anymore.
Posted by: Anne | November 05, 2007 at 02:29 PM
Curse you The Dad! How am I supposed to get any work done when this is so much more fun? And this goes on until Thursday? I am so screwed.
Posted by: Heidi | November 05, 2007 at 02:54 PM
Stupid Questions People Ask
"Identical?" No.
I don't need a doctor's proof.
They don't look alike!
"Fertility drugs?"
Hello? You are a stranger!
How is *your* sex life?
--------------
If They're Like This Now...
I hear Evil laughs
Two find more trouble than one
Not yet 1 year old.
-----------------
New Heights
From coffee table
He does a victory dance
Uh oh. He's on top!
-----------------
The Obligatory Poo Haiku
Baby on the hip
What's that smell? Time to change. Ew.
Poo on the hip, too.
----------------
The Tables Will Turn
They have a big sis.
She bullies and does not see
they will grow bigger.
-------------------
Nostalgia
Little pink piggies
sticking out from overalls.
Soon they will be one.
-------------------
Are You Crazy?
Is it a wonder
I have this look when they say
"Oh! I wanted twins!"
------------------
That was fun, I may be back :D
Posted by: ~Crystal | November 05, 2007 at 02:55 PM
Bedtime, Yet?
Running through the house
Screaming at high decibels
Is it bedtime yet?
Posted by: Erika | November 05, 2007 at 03:32 PM
CLUELESS MOM
Adorable babes
Brown stain spreading over sling
Target checkout line
WHY WHY
...now? ...there? ...with sister?
...hold hands? ...dead deer? ...ambulance?
...stop? ...crazy? ...too much?
Posted by: BETH | November 05, 2007 at 04:05 PM
I can't hear the girls
Silence always means trouble
Finger paint with milk
Drops upon the floor
White smears arched across the room
Freeze! Mom is coming!
Posted by: Leslie | November 05, 2007 at 04:11 PM