And You Thought All the Good Ones Were Taken

thechickensensation.com is available. So is superfuntimepagoda.com. Unbelievably, 100percentass.com is not taken, either. I take a break from blogging and what do I do? I search for domain names. It's more fun than, say, dealing with hospitals.

Ever since Kathryn's weekend hospital getaway, we have been inundated with hospital bills, so many we have considered using them to paper our new bathroom. And these bills are not regular bills either. They are toddler bills.

"I want money!" they scream. "Eleventy billion dollars!"

"I don't have eleventy billion dollars."

"But I want it."

"Here. Have some insurance."

"I don't want insurance. No! No! No!"

Right now, we have a veritable day-care of toddler bills screaming for our money. And if the bills are toddlers, our insurance company is, at best, a surly nanny.

"Now now," she tells the bills. "We talked about this, remember? Eleventy billion dollars is too much money for this. You are only allowed to ask for two thousand, okay? Two thousand dollars is all you can charge for an electroencephalogram. Now, I'll give you a little bit of that two thousand now, and you can get the rest from Kathryn's parents after you take a nap."

"Eleventy billion! Wuaaa!" the next bill we get says.

The system is broken. Hyperbole aside, our emergency visit, not including any extras, not including CAT scans, MRIs, doctors, neurologists, or even the crappy food, was billed at just over $27,000. Twenty-seven thousand dollars. We submitted the bill to insurance who paid out just $2,000 and disallowed the rest. That's $25,000 that our insurance company made go *poof*, about the price of a new, mid-sized, domestic automobile with half a tank of gas. Thank god we have insurance.

There are reportedly some 40-million uninsured Americans out there at any given moment. That's 40 million people who lack their own surly nannies who magically make 90% of their hospital charges go bye-bye. And, just like us, at any given moment, their daughters might choose to go shopping at the Epilepsy Store (your one-stop seizure shop!) and for them, the consequences can go far beyond the medical and deep into the financial. The system is broken.

Which is why it's no surprise that my domain name search showed at least thirty-five registered domains with "health care sucks" in the name.

But thingsthatlooklikepoopbutarenot.com is still out there for the taking. If you hurry.

Comments

[sara]

funny & serious all in the same post. that's why i read looky, daddy. we HAVE to do something about health care in this country.

[Brian]

I must point out that the idea of 100percentass.com came from here. Anybody else interested in joining the revolution?

[Burgh Baby's Mom]

Is the nanny sleeping with bill? Cause, damn, she's good. She's welcome to sleep with my credit card company any time she likes if she can make 90% go away.

[Lisa Milton]

I hear you. I'm feeling the weight of our medical bills, and while I am thankful we have good insurance, it is still painful.

Great post.

(And I hope your girl is still doing well.)

[Mauigirl52]

Brilliant post. So glad you're back. Sorry you all had the flu.

I couldn't agree more with you about the insurance. One thing that seems particularly warped is that if you have insurance, the health care provider is willing to take a LOWER amount than if the person doesn't have insurance - and likely has no money either - then they want a HUGE amount. It makes no sense whatsoever.

[Lora]

Insurance companies make me want to poke my own eyes out. I've been going round and round with ours over charges from 2 YEARS ago that they can't seem to figure out what to do with. And in the meantime, new charges keep rolling in. I recently took my 6 year old in for his "well-child" visit and it cost $540. His eye "exam" by the pediatrician cost more than his eye exam by an actual optometrist. What is wrong with our country?

The health care system is this country is a total mess. The only way to survive it is to avoid getting sick. Catch-22!

[Heather]

Wow. That's some seriously scary math.

Glad you're back!

[mel]

God, I'm having my own personal panic attack because I know how true this all is. The uninsured are screwed.

I became uninsured 6 months ago when losing my job. Then I decided to go back to school. So now I only work part time.

I might want to invest in some personal health insurance no matter how crappy...so I will at least have catastrophic coverage. wow....

[rachel]

I think I misunderstood the post from the tenor of the comments. I read "disallowed" as "declined to pay" thus leaving you with a 25K liability. But does "disallowed" mean they told the hospital, "uh uh, you ain't allowed to charge that"?

[Brian]

Yep, Rachel, that's exactly what they did. Doctors and hospitals alike throw out incredible charges willy-nilly, and then insurance companies remind them of their pre-negotiated rates. Ironically, and this was said earlier, that means those of us with the money for insurance pay less to the hospital than those who cannot afford insurance in the first place. Or, as my mom says, the uninsured pay for the insured. And the insurance company pays nobody.

[Kelly]

When #1 was born he was very early, very sick, and very much in the NICU for 3+ months. We took photos of the final statement the insurance co sent us - the one where they say "See!? See what we're paying for you! See what your child's life is worth! Respect your co-pay, bit*hs!" That statement had a number on it that was larger than the big number on our mortgage at the time. Our mortgage plus our car. Not a damned day goes by (well, maybe one or two, I'm lazy) that I'm not so very grateful for insurance.

[rachel]

I deeply hate this system. I had surgery due to a ruptured ectopic pregnancy in December, which was itself the fault of a faulty IUD. The insurance company now tells me I am responsible for the $400 charge billed for "removal of IUD" during surgery as that was "elective" on my part. Meanwhile, I simultaneously and unrelatedly find out that if I go to a dermatologist and schedule a facial, the insurance will cover it in full. Fuck you, insurance, for knowing that almost no one will take advantage of a free facial but that a bunch of sad women will be stuck paying for faulty birth control to be removed.

[Irma]

You know, stories like this remind me to be glad I live in Canada. Not judging your system, just saying.

Did I mention I'm glad?

[Joy]

Everyone hates the U.S. health care system. Patients, doctors, nurses, hospitals -- and even a lot of politicians rant about how bad it is. The only people who seem to like this system are the insurance companies. And it never changes, because then we might have "socialized health care." OMG, no, not "socialized" health care here in America! Then we might be like Cuba (which has far lower infant mortality rates than the U.S.). Then we might be like Canada (where it's colder). Then we might be like England, or France, or Germany (where they talk funny). Or something.

If I had to pick the three most disgraceful aspects of American society, I think it would be (1) our health care system; (2) that we don't find homes for the hundreds of thousands of homeless people -- the majority of whom are mentally ill and/or war veterans; and (3) that more than 20% of American children live in poverty.

Thanks for letting me rant on your blog, LD. (Not that you have a choice, really.)

[Litte Bird]

The system, it is designed to screw us all over. I have no insurance, due to a pre-existing condition. My last Doctors appointment cost me $450. For a check-up. I can't afford to go even when I'm really sick. Something has got to change. Good luck dealing with future bills, I hope it gets easier.
And Rachel? Your birth control is not covered, but some guys viagra is. THAT is how badly this system is.

[Angela]

You are very fortunate indeed to have insurance, but you are right the system does not seem to be working for a large part of the population. As much as we(Canadians) whine about wait times for the ER, chemo, MRI's, CAT scans, etc. at least we don't get a bill from the hospital, we just show our health card and poof, it gets paid. I really hope that the US medical system changes, people shouldn't have to worry about getting sick and having to sell their homes to pay bills, that is just wrong.

[Stacia]

Don't even get me started on healthcare in this country. I pay $6K annually to my insurance company in premiums and deductibles, and that's before any coverage kicks in. And I'm one of the lucky ones who can get coverage at all.

[Stacia]

I should add that I'm self-employed and had to find an individual healthcare plan.

[Chickenpig]

Your darn tootin' the system is broken. We have kick ass insurance here, but for some reason the company decided that everyone needed to prove how everyone is insured under the policy, with notarized photo copies no less. This means by next month my husband has to go and get a notarized photo copy of our marriage license, the twins birth certificates (photo copies or the one's we have? not good enough) and proof of our address. WTF? All of this, of course, requires either me running all over creation with the twins (not going to happen) or my husband taking a day off from work to get this done. I'm sure they may be some ppl committing fraud, but seriously, what a pain in the ass!

[Diane]

Yes, our system is broken, but don't make the mistake of believing socialized medicine is 100% better. I know people in Canada, England, New Zealand, and other countries with socialized medicine, and as much as they appreciate the cost advantages, they're still at big disadvantages when it comes to serious and even not-so-serious situations. One famous quote goes,"Just because you're the hundredth person in line for heart surgery doesn't guarantee you'll be the hundredth operation."

I wish I knew the cure for our system. Maybe it's a combination of elements of socialized medicine and the capitalist system we have. Maybe it's something entirely different. Regardless, it's going to take way more than a new President to go into effect.

[Charlie On the Pennsylvania Turnpike]

Having been down the road you described - once for my much-better-half, and several times for our two kids - I can agree with your idea of papering the walls with the bills.

And at one of these times, with our oldest, I was between jobs.

And yet, I have to agree with Diane, and others, that the call for SOCIALIZED MEDICINE will be the end of the great medical system we have. (As someone once said: "If the US gets Socialized Medicine, where will Canadians go for care?").

Contrary to the belief, we - those who have insurance and/or pay taxes - pay for the insurance of the uninsured. That's a reason to secure our borders to prevent more illegal aliens to drain the system, but that's another post entirely...

[Brian]

Not to be argumentative, Charlie, but uninsured Americans outnumber undocumented immigrants 4 to 1. Take care of the former and I suspect the latter might not seem like such a drain on our system.

And speaking of systems, I'd love to see how our American economic system would fare without the labor provided by those same immigrants. Just a thought.

[Laura]

It is SO nice to know I'm not the only one sitting around wasting time by making up domain names to see if they are taken. I'd list some here, but I'm kind of embarrassed to admit to some of the things I've tried. :-)

[Petunia]

As I understand it, the users of a "socialized" system trade off financial expenses and worries about getting slammed with big bills for, at times, quality. While waiting an extra hour or two in the ER for treatment of a sprained ankle is a small price to pay for the freedom from the financial worries of medical issues, there is another side. Delays in receiving critical care or testing have a much higher cost, one that can't be paid by money.

I'm here in the U.S., where we pay through the nose, and perhaps get more timely care and easier access to what it needed. If you are fortunate, you get coverage through your employer and get a "group rate," with larger groups getting a better deal. Heaven help the person working for a small company or self-employed. And as medical costs skyrocket, so do the premiums, and the co-pays. Each year sees an increase.

My husband's employer changed insurance companies last Oct, to save themselves money. The premiums are a wee bit cheaper. OUR costs/co-pays went up 50% for doctor visits and meds. So for folks that don't go to the doctor or take meds, they're getting a good deal. It hasn't worked that way at our house. So one answer to the health care problems we face is simply to not permit anyone to get sick or injured.

A candidate for public office is currently campaigning for "universal health care at an affordable cost." Hey, that sounds great for all of us. What I'm wondering is who's gonna decide what amount is "affordable." I've seen pictures of this affluent candidate's home, in a most pricy, exclusive neighborhood. My idea of affordable might be very different than what's OK with them folks.