Two thoughts from Kathryn's First Communion:
One. When Kathryn returned to her seat in the pew, she looked at me with a sour face and whispered, "Daddy, I never want to have wine again!" From your mouth to God's ears, Kathryn. From your mouth to God's ears. Now, if only Jesus had offered his disciples shots of cheap vodka with Rose's lime juice, I'd feel much better about the chances of Kathryn not throwing up in the back of a campus police car her freshman year of college. Or maybe not everyone has that same experience.
And Two. As I watched the faces of the thirty-three First Communicants as they had their first taste of the cardboardy goodness Catholics call the Host, I decided that, with a little bit of start-up money, I just might become a millionaire.
Bet you can't have just one!
ROTFLMAO!!!
When I was a wee catholic and was practicing for my first communion, we used Necco wafers as practice hosts - that was the best part of the whole boring rehersals.
I also remember my parents (in the progressive 70's) went to mass at Neuman Center and MSU we kids we eat all the leftover hosts as they were consecrated and couldn't be thrown away (BIG sin). They have this really neat yeasty taste and while I am no longer a practicing catholic (sorry Sharon!), the new times that I do have communion it brings me back to that moment.
Posted by: Anne Prince | April 07, 2008 at 06:59 AM
Mmmmmm, delicious, cheesy Christ.
Posted by: Tammy | April 07, 2008 at 07:22 AM
I have never laughed so hard this early in the morning...
Posted by: Mary | April 07, 2008 at 07:33 AM
Jaysus - can you tell that I typed my response BEFORE my first cup of coffee???
Posted by: Anne Prince | April 07, 2008 at 07:46 AM
Mmmmmmm...sacrilicious!
Posted by: Taylor | April 07, 2008 at 09:00 AM
I am pretty sure you just punched your ticket for the fiery infernos, or at least for an extended stay in purgatory. But from where I sit... Well worth it!
Posted by: PG | April 07, 2008 at 09:07 AM
Sweet monkeys alive man! Where do you come up with your stuff. Now for the million dollar question, is Jesus already fat free or is there a light version?
Posted by: sourpatchbaby | April 07, 2008 at 09:14 AM
What sucks is that 3 days later, it comes back up on you...
Posted by: bryan | April 07, 2008 at 09:35 AM
We used to say "toasted hostie os, transubstantially delicious." Of course we are going to hell.
Posted by: Nick | April 07, 2008 at 09:53 AM
When my daughter gets her first communion in a few weeks, this will be all I can think about. Thanks!
Posted by: FishyGirl | April 07, 2008 at 10:28 AM
Tears rolling down my face, and after reading Bryan's comment, coffee spray on my laptop. Thank you, gentlemen, this is the best Monday morning I've had in years.
Posted by: Annabelle | April 07, 2008 at 10:57 AM
How about a self-refilling bag of goldfish?
Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' | April 07, 2008 at 11:10 AM
Frankly, I'm surprised that I was able to read this, since it seems that Old Testament God would have been right on with the smiting of you and possibly all of New Jersey. I can only assume that I'm reading the cached page.
Posted by: Nicole | April 07, 2008 at 11:23 AM
you are soooo going to hell....or perhaps to work on Madison Avenue which is essentially the same thing. Also please add a hot drinks disclaimer to your comments page. I am concerned about all this spewage. Annabelle can get hurt.
Posted by: Heidi #2 but whose counting... | April 07, 2008 at 11:33 AM
You went to church??!!
Posted by: Max | April 07, 2008 at 12:21 PM
that was sooooooo HILARIOUS!!!
crispity-crunchity...
my first communion, i forgot to say "amen" when the host was offered. i just couldn't remember what i was supposed to say. so, i said "boss!" and went to the next station for the wine. my priest was so annoyed. and the moment lives on in super 8.
Posted by: @ndrea | April 07, 2008 at 12:51 PM
Well you know what they say: Cheese is Christ.
Posted by: Maggie | April 07, 2008 at 01:12 PM
Okay, I know I'm Kathryn's Godfather and everything, so I should be encouraging her walk down a spiritually righteous path, but that's damn funny!
Also, I forgot that you wacky Catholics drink real wine instead of just the Welch's knock-off grape juice!
Lastly, I'm really impressed at the Catholic humor of your readers! I haven't laughed this hard about Catholic jokes since our friend Tom gave up fish for Lent!
Posted by: The Godfather | April 07, 2008 at 01:40 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F67PvLfy3do&NR=1
Posted by: Kate | April 07, 2008 at 01:54 PM
I would also like to point out that I was a good little Catholic girl myself and married a Jew. (He loves me because I can make bacon.) And I would send him the link to read this and have a good laugh, but I don't think he'll get any of the jokes...
Posted by: Kate (again) | April 07, 2008 at 02:03 PM
What Max said!
Posted by: 3-Martini Jennifer | April 07, 2008 at 02:41 PM
Oooo......dude....you are so going to hell...onboard HadesAirbus, nonstop...... you made fun of ...like holy stuff.....
I know that and I'm not even Catholic....
Posted by: David | April 07, 2008 at 04:43 PM
First class ticket to Hell stamped and ready for boarding at Gate 1.
But I laughed, so I will be sitting next to you.
Posted by: Rebekah | April 07, 2008 at 05:34 PM
How DO they get all that Cheese in Christ?
Posted by: loren | April 07, 2008 at 06:09 PM
Thinking here... maybe it's supposed to be Cheesus Christ, and it got lost while they were playing telephone.
Posted by: loren | April 07, 2008 at 06:11 PM