Sparky

Kathryn imagines her thoughts as sparks. And her brain is a forest. She tells me that most of the time sparks can fly around a forest and nothing will catch on fire. Sometimes the sparks land on dirt, or in a puddle, or they just bounce off of the tree trunks. Plus it's wet in a brain. Kathryn should work for PBS. She should do voiceovers for science programs. She should write the scripts. You would all watch them. You would rearrange your schedule to make sure you could.

Almost always the sparks fly around the forest and it's okay, she says. And then, every once in a while, her voice rises a little here like she's saying oh those crazy sparks, the sparks catch things on fire. And that's a seizure.

Kathryn doesn't talk much about her seizures, mainly because they don't happen very often and because they aren't Webkinz, but when she does, it makes me happy I have this website. People should hear her. And by people, I mean the people outside the radius of her normal speaking voice. Which is a half-mile.

Anyway, now that we know she's still having seizures, the medicine tweaking begins. A little more at night, and now some during the day. Controlling the sparks. And part of me wants to cry out: But she's Kathryn! She's supposed to be sparky. Sparky and quick-witted and bouncy and full of beans. But the rest of me knows that there isn't enough medicine in the world to empty her of beans. Her brain will eat these meds like candy. Certainly, up to this point, the medicine she's taken at night hasn't, say, kept her in bed more than usual. Kathryn continues to fight sleep like a prizefighter, convinced that as soon as she closes her eyes, there will be a party she'll miss. She's certain we tuck her in every night with our pockets filled with streamers and noisemakers and cake with ice cream and all we need is for her to drift off so we can PARTY! Which, of course, is true, if you substitute 'PARTY!' with 'fold laundry and bicker.'

The irony is her EEGs show the biggest party happening every night around here is the one happening in her brain. Her wet, forested brain.

Comments

[Angela]

I am amazed with Kathryn's insight and observations, what an awesome little girl. You know her lovely spark and light will always shine through.

[Colleen]

okay, so now you've terrified me and made me cry in less than 10 minutes at work.

her explanation is so exact, so colorful, so innocent, so honest.

[Meg]

Kathryn is wise beyond her years in forming that metaphor of synapses. She's also quite brave. I know seizures would scare the crap out of me. Good luck with the medicine!

[Liza]

What a coincidence! I have a date for a laundry-folding party that will surely involve some bickering tonight TOO!

And I have a toddler who will get up somewhere between 2-200 times after we put him to bed, hoping to join the party, throw some laundry, and otherwise just be a part of all the good times we must be having after his bedtime.

Plus when we deny him that thrilling opportunity, he will sternly announce, "You got to go to bed TOO!" If only.

Good luck sorting through the sparks and the fire dangers of Kathryn's brain. I can't imagine what it must be like, but I'm over here praying for it to go as well as possible.

[Alexis J Rudolph]

Amy,
Actually I assumed that the whine was a given, but then again since The Dad's house could be my house, the wine/any alcoholic beverage should also have been a given.

[Bennie]

Incredible metaphor. I think I'll keep this one on the front burner for my son's next "episode."

[Bennie]

Incredible metaphor. I think I'll keep this one on the front burner for my son's next "episode."

[Knight]

What a brilliant child you have. I was directed here today by a visitor on my blog reading about my most recent seizure experience and I am so happy they did. Your daughter's bright words have brought me a lot of comfort and you are right, I would change my schedule to watch that show.