Ask The Dad

Dear The Dad,

I have a daughter too, and while I only have one, I wonder if we have the same concern: Do you worry that a fine gentleman with a cash fan and Levolor shades will come along and sweep her off her feet? That's right, I'm worried about this guy.

Yours in fear, Burt

Dear Burt,

That guy could have Kathryn at "hello," or however it is the young people greet each other these days. Kathryn is all about the money these days. This is the same girl who, right at the beginning of Spring, blanketed our neighborhood with these:

I have no doubt, if Mr Cashfan lived on our block, she'd have put two in his mailbox.

Dear The Dad,

Do you think Hillary should give up and concede to Obama?

Thanks, The Godfather

Dear The Godfather

No. Months ago, I bet The Mom I could get Lila potty trained before Hillary gave up. I need Hillary to hold out just a little longer if she can.

Dear The Dad,

My husband and I are buying our first home; we close on May 28th.

Our home features a detached garage with a ginormous finished/insulated room included – windows, a little wood burning stove, electrical outlets – quite cozy, really. It has been agreed that said room will become “The Man Cave”.

My husband has a HUGE clown head trashcan lid made of fiberglass (with its painted gaping maw the trash receptacle) acquired one night from the Clown Museum in Delavin, Wisconsin. It’s legendary. It even made the News.

He would like it to sit in our mud room, greeting our guests with its evil clown grin...looking out the windows and terrifying the neighbor children. I feel this item is more of a “Man Cave” novelty.

Question: Is this something you feel I should concede, or banish forever to the designated Man Zone?

Awaiting your response, @ndrea

Dear @ndrea,

Coulrophobia. It's real. It's debilitating. Think not of yourself, but of the children.

Put it in the mud room.

Dear The Dad,

I have four-year-old triplets and a 2-year-old singleton. I recently let my husband go on a 10-day vacation by himself to hang out with all his buddies from college. The only reason he came home after 10 days was because he thought he had alcohol poisoning.

While he was gone, I took all four kids to Disneyland and to visit relatives by myself. Don't you think it's only fair that my husband lets me go somewhere now for 10 days, while he takes the kids to SeaWorld? Would The Mom cut you loose for 10 days of drunken debauchery so she could hang out in Amusement Park Hell with the kiddos?

Sincerely, The Greatest Wife Ever

Dear TGWE,

You birthed a singleton two years after triplets? Honey, you came to me for advice two years too late.

Dear The Dad,

My husband hates his job - truly loathes it - but has been unable to find anything else remotely acceptable. Should we consider stopping the practice of emptying our bank accounts to pay for child care and let him take care of our baby? Or rather, should I consider letting him do it? Come to think of it, maybe I should be writing The Mom about this one.

Sincerely, Nevermind

Dear Nevermind,

I'll take a stab at this first, then I'll give you The Mom's answer.

I loathed my job, too. I was an eighth grade math teacher. No one could loathe their job more than I did. So that makes me wonder this: Does your husband loathe his job, or does he loathe going to work? Because to some people, "Stay-at-Home Dad" sounds a lot like "Don't-Go-to-Work Dad." Nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing. If your husband doesn't like going to his current job, how will he feel if he lives at his next job. How will he handle it if, instead of saying goodbye to his boss every day at five, he tucks his boss in bed every day at eight. Some of us didn't exactly think that through when we made our decisions oh so many years ago.

Now here's The Mom. Her answer was a little wordy, so I edited it a bit as this post is already too long:

Dear Nevermind,

Keep in mind...stay-at-home dads...are...stud[s].

Dear The Dad,

I'm jonesing for another contest.

Think about it, John

Dear John,

The Second Annual Looky, Daddy! Limerick Challenge will begin on Monday. Get ready.

Comments

[Burgh Baby]

Forget my mad crush on Marc Andre Fleury, that guy wearing the shades in the first pic is mine, all mine. How can you not fall for a guy with shades that hawt?

[The Mom]

Hrmph!

[The Godfather]

The Dad,
It looks like you have until Saturday on the potty training. Or, if you take a more legalistic interpretation of her comments, you have until Obama accepts the nomination at the democratic convention this summer because Hillary is only "suspending" her campaign, not ending it just in case "something unexpected" happens to Obama.

-The Godfather

[LiteralDan]

Points to The Godfather for accuracy, wittiness, and wry social commentary.

Millions of points to The Dad for a hilarious summation of The Mom's response. Just genius.

[loren]

So, after reading the response to Greatest Wife Ever's letter, I'm thinking I should send hubby to get the snip snip.

[3-Martini Jennifer]

limericks too hard to write. me like haiku.

[John]

Oh boy. I love me a good contest.

Oh how I do live to compete.
If I won that would be so sweet.
To get me some praise,
I have many ways
To describe what my kids excrete.

Oh, it is on!

[Brian]

Awesome, John. Simply awesome.

[Chickenpig]

Hilarious post, as usual. My husband also loathes his job, but not the money. I, on the hand, loved my job but the pay sucked. Now I love/hate my job, my bosses are ogres, and the pay still sucks...where did I go wrong?