This is the god's-honest truth: The last words Kathryn heard before she broke her arm were, "Now why don't you try it without holding my hand." And the last words I heard before she broke her arm were, "Okay," but it was really more of an "Okaaaaaaayyyeeeeeeee!" with the pitch of the last syllable wavering up-up-up, up into the stratosphere of nervousness. She then took two quick breaths, then a step, then another, then her feet in her brand-new heelys shot out in front of her and the bone of her right arm eased her fall to the concrete by breaking in two.
If suffering truly built character, we could sell our house and fucking move in to Kathryn's character.
Just say it ain't so.
Posted by: heidi | August 25, 2008 at 07:29 AM
Good, quick healing wishes winging their way to your house!
(Side note to Amy: Don't believe the hype about Crocs being slip-resistant; many boaters have found they're anything but.)
Posted by: Diane | August 25, 2008 at 08:54 AM
My dearest Kathryn,
The frequent visitor card is a MYTH. Quit trying to earn it and instead focus on keeping your little hiney OUT of the hospital.
Thanks, and I hope you feel better soon!
Posted by: Burgh Baby | August 25, 2008 at 08:54 AM
You guys just can't catch a Break
Posted by: Eric Nastri | August 25, 2008 at 09:56 AM
As I mentioned earlier, you really should consider piling into the station wagon to escape from the home built on the ancient Indian burial ground.
Posted by: Nicole | August 25, 2008 at 10:08 AM
Shit!
Posted by: Katherine | August 25, 2008 at 10:14 AM
"Eight" will be great. Yeah. Sure. Looky Daddy what you went and did NOW! I'm with Anne Prince - funky bad mojo going on in your house. Wishing you all a time-out from catastrophes.
Posted by: annie | August 25, 2008 at 10:41 AM
I am so very, very sorry. Kathryn is such an awesome little girl. Thank God she also has equally awesome parents...as all the other commenters have said, these things happen to the best of us.
Posted by: Angela | August 25, 2008 at 10:48 AM
Okay bad things are supposed to come in 3s. You've got waaaaay more than 3 way more than 6. You're using soemeone ele's bad luck. STOP it.
Posted by: Laura | August 25, 2008 at 12:24 PM
We all know Kathryn broke her arm so she could stay home and watch non-stop coverage of the Olympics-- oh wait, too bad! She'll have to watch non-stop coverage of... the... democratic national convention ;>(
Posted by: The Godfather | August 25, 2008 at 02:13 PM
I'm glad she's presumably feeling okay now, though she's probably ready to smash something that's not part of her body.
I hope you guys deposited those Heelys right in the trash on the way to the hospital. No wonder they're banned in most schools and many other places. My wife (a junior high teacher) hates them with a passion.
The next fad just may be spreading ball bearings on tiled floors.
Posted by: LiteralDan | August 25, 2008 at 02:44 PM
P.S. When can we expect a new x-ray banner?
Posted by: LiteralDan | August 25, 2008 at 02:45 PM
Ow! ...and a reminder to add that to the list of things not to say, right after, "Hey, watch this!" Best wishes for a quick recovery.
Posted by: Papa Bradstein | August 25, 2008 at 09:37 PM
dude, buy a lottery ticket. you are due some good luck
Posted by: lisa | August 25, 2008 at 09:38 PM
I would never allow my son to get those, because they were too dangerous.
Guess you got that memo late.
Also big article in Consumer reports about them...DANGEROUS.NO NOT BUY.
Posted by: Trica | August 25, 2008 at 11:39 PM
Well if nothing else, we know you have confidence in your insurance company :)
Posted by: MadWomanMeg | August 26, 2008 at 02:28 AM
Heelys are the work of Satan. I'm convinced. Hate them. Now even more. Poor Kathryn. My son broke his arm this summer by jumping out of a swing. After the initial pain passes, it's not that bad for them.
Posted by: Susan | August 26, 2008 at 08:17 AM
Ohhh I feel your pain! I broke my arm when I was 7 by falling down on roller skates. Hang in there Kathryn, the real fun starts when you start to heal up. That cast gets good and hard-then you can really clock people when they make you mad-just ask my little brother and his broken nose!
Posted by: Madeline | August 26, 2008 at 09:31 AM
At least it wasn't her head! Here's hoping for fast healing. This could be a good time to teach her lots of new words, a la dammittohell in "I Remember Mama."
Posted by: Beth | August 26, 2008 at 09:36 AM
I'll add Heelys to the list of shit I'm never buying my kids.
Posted by: Amy the Mom | August 26, 2008 at 11:55 AM
Amazingly, I think I'm seeing Webkinz in a new light. As in, not the light of the X-ray machine. As in;
"Mama can I get a pair of Heeleys?"
"Well, Boo Boo, how about 20 Webkinz instead?"
Posted by: Renata | August 26, 2008 at 02:59 PM
Kathryn's character could house the nation's entire homeless population.
(I'm sure this joke has already been made, but I'm too lazy to read through all 45 comments.)
Posted by: Tammy | August 26, 2008 at 03:10 PM
You know what the problem is, LD? You've set the bar too high. All of us out here in blogreader land have come to expect to tune into your blog on a regular basis to read about your latest disaster. It's far more interesting than any stupid sitcom. You need to get new screenwriters, or forget about your Nielson ratings, or something.
Posted by: Joy | August 26, 2008 at 03:35 PM
Ah...so THAT's the sound I heard this afternoon.
Posted by: Anne Prince | August 26, 2008 at 04:37 PM
Don't feel too guilty about the whole Heely thing.
I broke my arm at an early age while walking. My parents were too distracted to forbid feet. Slackers.
Posted by: abby | August 26, 2008 at 07:41 PM