Your Days Are None the Better For What You Have Done

I woke up this morning at about 6:30 AM and I rubbed my eyes. They hurt. Everything near them hurt as well. They would continue to hurt until coffee was brewed.

There was a noisy queue for our house's single toilet and I joined it at the end. Everyone in front of me was wearing footed pajamas. Two-thirds of them asked to have their butts wiped. Two-thirds of them were disappointed. No one flushed. The water in the bowl was impossibly yellow by the time it was my turn. I told myself not flushing was better for the environment, then I made the water even more yellow. The sight of it would have surely burned my eyes had not closed them against the pain.

Three pairs of pajamas were exchanged for three sets of school clothes. Some people thought this was a better idea than others. Protests were made and ignored. I poured three bowls of cereal: Two bowls Frosted Mini-Wheats, one bowl Cheerios.

Later, school lunches and backpacks were passed out and shoes were wrestled on. I handed the car keys to Lila. It was her turn to hide them. Each morning, one child gets to run out first, unlock the car, and hide the keys somewhere inside. That's my way of ensuring at least one of my children goes to the car voluntarily. I can sling the other two over my shoulders if I need to. Even the eight-year-old. Lila always hides the keys in the glove box. I always know this, and she always knows I'll check at least five other places before I find them. This morning, when I opened the glove box, she screamed with joy at her own cleverness.

Nothing that happened this morning was affected by California passing Proposition 8. Had voters rejected it instead, my morning would have been identical. Proposition 8 has not touched me. Making gay marriage illegal in California has left me unaffected. My days haven't changed.

But listen, 52% of California: Back when gay marriage was legal, your days didn't change, either. When there was marriage equality in your state, your mornings transpired exactly the way they had before. Your head probably hurt before your morning coffee. Your kids probably protested getting dressed. It's even possible that your daughter also hid your keys in your glove box, and when gay marriage was legal, she still squealed with joy when you found them.

You didn't need to vote away a people's right. Your days are none the better for it. Your days are none the better for what you have done.

Comments

[renata]

Awesomeness.
And applicable to so many issues of rights and freedoms, whether yet made legally explicit or not, here or anywhere in the world.

[Stine]

I'm totally linking to this. Very well said.

[Brenda]

As someone who spends an inordinate amount of time trying to explain basic human rights to students, I am very impressed with the angle you have taken on this issue. I may just have to cite you :-)

[Cricky]

Well said.

[Andy]

So true, so poignantly put.

[Ericka Lutz]

Thank you for this. I am one of the 48% who voted NO and I am deeply ashamed of my State.

[Carrie]

We're still working, dude. We're not giving up on equality.
And the car key idea? Brilliant. Completely.

Jordan sent me over for a cup of coffee. Er, um no wait, to use the bathroom. Eeew, never mind.

Excellent post. But I disagree w/"mywholelife" about this being the last frontier in civil rights. GLBT *and* disability rights together are probably the NEXT frontiers but not likely the last.

Glad you found your keys and I hope your eyes don't hurt now. :-)

[Niksmom]

Um, clearly **I** need more coffee still...that was me who just posted w/no name. Oops.

[Sadia]

Very well put.

[Amy the Mom]

Well said. What amazed me is the state and the demographic that voted it down...what's up Cali?

[Karen]

Beautifully put. I'm still scratching my head at that 52%, wishing I could turn back time and talk to each and every one of them personally. Because surely they wouldn't have voted that way if they'd thought about it for even one moment...

[allmycke]

You're my kind of human.

[swirl girl]

I am totally with you on this one.
I can't stand the fact that chickens have more rights in this state than people do.

-I am just glad that I am not a glassy winged sharp shooter...or I'd be eradicated to protect grape crops.

-soon, 'they' will tell me that I really did kill Jesus.

[VegasDad]

Very well put.

[Marie]

Amen! Nicely put.

[Maggie]

Bravo. Haven't heard it spun this way yet, but thank you. I'm still in a little bit of awe that the majority voted yes. I'm convinced that a number of those "yes" votes were a mistake, since the whole "yes I WANT gay marriage to be legal but I have to vote NO?" thing may have been too much for some people. At least, that's what I want to believe...because how could more than 1/2 our state really believe in discrimination?

[Jonathan's Mum]

Ditto to that LookyDaddy.

[Anne]

Aren't you worried that someone will lock the keys in the car?

[Tristan]

Wow. As one who is greatly affected by Prop. 8 personally, I am edified to read your experience with this. Perhaps the one good thing that has come out of this hideous reversion to the days of lynch mobs and book burning is that we have seen just how many wonderful, equal-minded, supportive straight friends that we have.

[3-Martini Jennifer]

Amen, Brother.

[Vikki]

Thanks for this LookyDaddy. I am just as happy as the next person that Obama won but that excitement is tempered by what has been lost. Thank you for pointing it out. Honestly, I'm a lesbian and my partner and I have two kids and our lives haven't changed either. The only difference is that I now have to explain to my children - again - that a whole lotta people in this country think our family shouldn't have the same rights as others.

That said, thank you for all you did here on your blog for the cause. If you are ever in Minneapolis, I'll be you a beer! I'll even spring for something micro-brewed. ha ha.

[Caitlin]

this is the first post of yours i've read... and as a californian who voted no on prop 8, well said. what baffles me is that so many people who originally voted to allow gay marriage suddenly changed their minds.

on another note, i was skimming through the rest of your posts and saw that your daughter has epilepsy. just thought i'd share my own story: i was diagnosed with a similar type of epilepsy at the age of 8. i also had most of my seizures at night and the early morning (mostly while asleep). my last seizure happened at the age of 14. it's been 10 years now.

i hope kathryn has a very similar recovery!

[American]

To obfuscate this as a true civil rights issue is a fallacy that diminishes the true honor of the black civil rights success in this country; please don't do it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The people have spoken and chosen Obama! Let the world know that those who opposed it must accept what the people of this democracy have stated with their vote and, therefore, should concede and let it be.

The people have spoken and chosen Prop 8! Let the world know that those who opposed it must accept what the people of this democracy have stated with their vote and, therefore, should concede and let it be.

peace,

[Cara]

I spent a good part of the day talking with my mom about taxes and rights and McCain and Obama and, most of all, fear. I can now unfortunately see how something like this could have happened. Thanks for giving me an idea for yet another way to approach these conversations with my mom and others.