Your Days Are None the Better For What You Have Done

I woke up this morning at about 6:30 AM and I rubbed my eyes. They hurt. Everything near them hurt as well. They would continue to hurt until coffee was brewed.

There was a noisy queue for our house's single toilet and I joined it at the end. Everyone in front of me was wearing footed pajamas. Two-thirds of them asked to have their butts wiped. Two-thirds of them were disappointed. No one flushed. The water in the bowl was impossibly yellow by the time it was my turn. I told myself not flushing was better for the environment, then I made the water even more yellow. The sight of it would have surely burned my eyes had not closed them against the pain.

Three pairs of pajamas were exchanged for three sets of school clothes. Some people thought this was a better idea than others. Protests were made and ignored. I poured three bowls of cereal: Two bowls Frosted Mini-Wheats, one bowl Cheerios.

Later, school lunches and backpacks were passed out and shoes were wrestled on. I handed the car keys to Lila. It was her turn to hide them. Each morning, one child gets to run out first, unlock the car, and hide the keys somewhere inside. That's my way of ensuring at least one of my children goes to the car voluntarily. I can sling the other two over my shoulders if I need to. Even the eight-year-old. Lila always hides the keys in the glove box. I always know this, and she always knows I'll check at least five other places before I find them. This morning, when I opened the glove box, she screamed with joy at her own cleverness.

Nothing that happened this morning was affected by California passing Proposition 8. Had voters rejected it instead, my morning would have been identical. Proposition 8 has not touched me. Making gay marriage illegal in California has left me unaffected. My days haven't changed.

But listen, 52% of California: Back when gay marriage was legal, your days didn't change, either. When there was marriage equality in your state, your mornings transpired exactly the way they had before. Your head probably hurt before your morning coffee. Your kids probably protested getting dressed. It's even possible that your daughter also hid your keys in your glove box, and when gay marriage was legal, she still squealed with joy when you found them.

You didn't need to vote away a people's right. Your days are none the better for it. Your days are none the better for what you have done.

Comments

[Angela]

As always, an extremely thoughtful, well written and excellent post. Thank you.

[Brian]

Oh dear, saint, are these the thoughts that are keeping you up at night? I'm mortified that this is where you think same-sex marriage is going. And I'm laughing a little, but only inside, only inside.

Besides, most school kids already know an enema is not necessary for anal sex.

[Meg]

I'm late...as usual. Beautiful post. When I heard this news last week I couldn't remember ever being so disappointed in the democratic process. And no, my day is no different either.

[Michelle]

I still don't understand why we can't just define marriage as a legal contract between TWO CONSENTING ADULTS, and leave it at that. Why does gender or religion have to play into it at all?

Voila! By doing that, we'd allow equal rights, and isn't that a good thing?

[3-Martini Jennifer]

Dude, now people google "enemas and anal sex" are going to be directed to your blog! Sweet.

Wonderful post. Why in today's society is it so hard for some to see how hurtful this law is - not just to families but to us all. If a segment of our society suffers, it reverberate out like waves in the pond. My best friend growing up was lesbian, and though I am not, I witnessed the deep hurt her family and friends inflicted on her. She is a beautiful person. And, she has a right to acceptance (not just mere tolerance) and the choice to be in a sacred relationship with a loving partner. I pray that society will come around. We are going to look back on this years down the road - and be ashamed of this law.

[Ella's Mom]

Whoops - forgot to put a name with the last post. Got a little too riled up.

[Kori]

Saint-Seriously? And where/when did all of this happen? On a Jerry Springer episode? I thought you were kidding until I got to the end and realized that you were just looney tunes.

I'm frightened, hold me The Dad!

Great Post!

[Amanda]

You know when kids get the pee jitters, how they grab their crotches and kind of bounce around and wiggle a lot?

That's exactly what I do when I see you've posted, and I get to read something new that you've said.

Without the crotch grabbing, that is. Usually.

Well said, you. As always.

[midwest mom]

I'm just thinking here. If a law passes in Namibia that helps some and hurts some, no, it doesn't affect me. My day's no different in the practicalities, but neither is the day of a homosexual couple now that this vote has been tallied.
What I mean is that I'm assuming they still woke up and showered, hustled kids off to school, themselves off to work. I'm sure they were outraged and/or grieved. But had the vote gone the other way, the 52% would have likewise been outraged as they stuffed cheerios in pudgy cheeks and grieved as they tried to shave with an impatient audience.
It's true that you're very eloquent, LD, and I continue to read your blog though I rarely agree with your political and social views because I identify with you as a parent. But to say that the 52% didn't have better days because their daily routines didn't change isn't really an accurate statement. They may have slept better believing the future culture in their state was stable for a while longer. They may have felt more at ease, just as the 48% conversely felt more pissed off. Beautiful words, I'm just not convinced it makes any sense.

[LiteralDan]

I'm still so shocked that this happened, I don't know what to say. But you make a very important point in a very dramatic way.

I just wish you didn't have to. What now?

[Slim]

But Midwest Mom, the point is that giving civil rights to a group that isn't hurting you doesn't hurt you. Or your culture, whatever that means. You are still free to pass along your beliefs and values to your children. And people with different beliefs, values, and wiring are free to live their lives, too, as long as they aren't hurting anyone. And there are no data to say that what two consenting adults do in their private life is hurting -- or likely to hurt -- anyone.

[Angela]

I second, third, forth everyone here. Very well said.

[Nat]

Found this simple, eloquent, sad post via Five Star Friday. Can't wait to read more.

[Alison]

Here from Five Star Friday...extremely well put. Thank you.

[Morgan]

I usually don't comment on blog posts, but this one I had to comment. This is beautiful. I'll be sure to pass this along. Thank you so much for this. People like you help give me hope for our future.

[maternity top]

Very interesting and well put. I don't really understand why people need to be involved in other's lives. Everyone should just be how they want to be.

[Robert]

Here's one of the "people you wanted to reach": what in the world does it not altering my morning have to do with the rightness or wrongness of it?! You people celebrate the election of BO by a majority of the people and then lambaste the same democratic process that passes 8? I'm a conservative who is grown up enough to realize that this country is tired of George Bush and Republicans in office, that it wants abortion 'safe, legal and rare' (not a crime), and that it wants gays to have civil unions not marriage. That's what a majority of people want. I don't get to jail abortionists, you don't get to have gay marriage. Accept it (or try changing America to a dictatorship).

[kmonster]

Exactly......Who cares

[jen]

Very eloquent. Glad I "StumpledUpon" you. I'll be back!

[Britt]

Very well put together article. I'm a native of Idaho so I know a bit about conservative, closed minded nit wits.

[Micheal Medved]

Thursday, November 20, 2008
ELTON JOHN SOLVES GAY MARRIAGE CONTROVERSY
Posted by: Michael Medved at 1:40 PM
One of the world’s most prominent gay entertainers offered some rare common sense on the explosive issue of same sex marriage. In New York City for a gala AIDS benefit, rock legend Sir Elton John appeared with his long-time partner, David Furnish. “We’re not married,” he told the press, “Let’s get that straight. We have a civil partnership…I don’t want to be married! I’m very happy with a civil partnership. The word ‘marriage,’ I think, puts a lot of people off. You get the same equal rights that we do when we have a civil partnership. Heterosexual people get married. We can have civil partnerships”. If more people on all sides of this issue embraced the simple, irrefutable logic of this clear-thinking superstar, a vastly divisive, unnecessary controversy could reach a successful and amicable solution.

[breedemandweep]

You write so damn beautifully.

YES, I say. YES.

[Natalie]

It's amazing how so many people feel the same way. I was so choked that prop 8 passed and I'm from Canada! I used this info to teach my kids a valuable lesson on equal rights and acceptance of differences. Beautiful post.

[Val]

Nicely written, but that still does not make it a constitutional right.