You know, there's a very real part of me that would just be delighted if we were wrong about Barack Obama. Not wrong, like he turns out to be bad for the country, that would be dreadful, but wrong like he turns out to be, like, crazy evil. You know, like all the wingnuts said he'd be? Like, on Inauguration Day he'd stand up, walk to the podium and start out all, "My fellow Americans," but then a few minutes into it, he go all "Rise! Rise, my undead servants! Heed your new master!" and then the sun would turn dark and all these zombies would come out and start eating our brains and my mother-in-law would be all "I told you so!" and locust swarms would devour our crops and toads would rain from the sky and we'd be cursing ourselves that we dismissed all those warnings, all those emails sent mostly from East Texas, but we wouldn't curse for long because we'd be zombies, socialist zombies, and our health care would suck? I think that'd be a hoot.
My wife just read this over my shoulder and asked if it was really the kind of material I wanted to write when I was up for a weblog award. So I replied, yes, this is exactly the kind of stuff I want to write. I mean, I can't keep playing the seizure card, now can I? Sure, it'd probably get me a lot of sympathy votes, to say my daughter is epileptic and keeps having these wacky seizures, in fact I bet I could get a vote every time I wrote the word seizure, but that's not the kind of guy I am. Seizure seizure seizure.
Besides, I was going to play the twin card, but there's a finalist with quads. So seizure.
Speaking of which, what's up with all the comments saying you all are positive I'd rather the seizures were happening to me than to Kathryn? Have you seen those things? I mean, come on! Look, middle school is going to be hard on that girl, too, but you sure as hell won't see me trying to shoulder that burden, either. Remember who you're dealing with here. I'm a finalist for Best Parenting BLOG, people, not Best Parent.