Inviting five friends and their seven kids over to help me judge the haiku submissions sounded like a fun idea when I came up with it. Just like the lychee martinis sounded like a fun idea, too. But now that everyone is gone and I have a house full of pizza crusts, spilled juice, and dirty cocktail shakers, with nothing but a few scribbles on the 17 pages of haiku I printed out, it seems less than helpful. Besides, most of the scribbles are from Jennifer, who upon drinking her second martini wrote IDIOT over every sentimental haiku you people wrote. She's an angry, angry person, my friend Jennifer.
So, piecing the event together as best I can, here are the 10 finalists:
Legos by Robyn
Legos are breeding
Under chairs, ready to leap
Beneath my bare feet
My Turn by Megan
"Three boys?" Eyebrows raised
Laugh now! Soon, sweet girls are teens.
I'll laugh last, you bitch!
Cup of Joe by Shnerfle
Morning cup of joe
Rewarmed, lost, found in micro.
Never stood a chance
Honey, We're Packing Again by Vikki
A lovely playdate
My child says "Lick my boobies"
Now we have to move
Wreckage by Laugh, Mom
Have pushed out three kids.
Was two separate places.
Is now vaganus
Missing the Point by Jill
I'm in here! he shouts
Muffled voice from the closet
Preschool hide-and-seek
School Bus by Taado
The good lord giveth,
But School Bus taketh away:
I worship weekdays
Sad Tooth by Carrie
Under the pillow
Waits the tooth safely wrapped but
Tooth fairy forgets
Hannah Montana by Chookooloonks
Hannah Montana
Will be the death of me yet
My daughter can't sing
Last Trimester by Anna
I'm a giant orb
Burgeoning, wobbly, slow, sick;
Ah! I've shit myself
It was my intention to provide witty quotes from the judges explaining why each poem was chosen, but at this point all I can remember was someone saying "Vaganus" would be a great name for a band.
Now for the voting. Between now and midnight EST Friday, please select your two favorite haiku.
The haiku were especially good this year and it was very hard to choose just ten out of all the submissions. If yours was not in the finalists, I'm sure it was one of those argued over again and again. Unless, of course, it was sentimental, then we simply couldn't read it and you should blame Jennifer. I always do.
Quick question: Is everybody seeing the voting box above, in the big space right before the last paragraph? Because I was, but now I'm not. And that makes me sad. :( So sad, I used an emoticon.
Posted by: Brian | March 05, 2009 at 06:30 PM
I am devastated that I won't get to vote for Meandering Michael's 'nads OR Julia O.C.'s Small Vesuvius. Devastated, I tell you!
Posted by: Nicole | March 05, 2009 at 06:50 PM
I wrote four but I didn't see them in the post. Were they swallowed somehow? Or were they just that bad? ;)
Posted by: Chickenpig | March 05, 2009 at 07:00 PM
Ben, for many of the finalist haiku, I added a title myself. It makes voting easier.
Posted by: Brian | March 05, 2009 at 08:00 PM
I don't care about the haikus, but "Vagiant" actually is a band.
Posted by: Kate | March 05, 2009 at 10:08 PM
I picked Missing the Point because it was really about parenting. While the others are fun I don't think one should win just because it said "boobies" in it - with no offense intended to the poet!!
Posted by: John | March 05, 2009 at 10:31 PM
Hooray for "Legos," "Missing the Point," and "Sad Truth"! All classic and elegant. My husband's favorite is "Cup of Joe" so hooray for that as well.
Posted by: Loretta | March 06, 2009 at 08:25 AM
Legos and My Turn
Posted by: Barbara | March 06, 2009 at 11:02 AM
have to give props to "last trimester". pregnancy can be soooooooo humbling.
Posted by: EOMama | March 06, 2009 at 04:55 PM
I'm another one who is getting over my self-pity at not getting it together to submit an entry by consoling myself with the fact that I couldn't have touched these gems.
Ahhh, Vaganus. That would be a hilarious name for anything.
To "Laugh, Mom", your sacrifice was in vain no longer.
Posted by: LiteralDan | March 07, 2009 at 03:30 AM