Ask The Dad

Dear The Dad,

My husband and I have three kids (twins and a singleton) and, while we both agree that we don't want any more children, we are at a bit of an impasse. Up to this point, I've been in charge of birth control, meaning I've been on the pill. I've taken it since I was in college, and frankly, I'm done. I don't want to take it anymore. I'll spare you the details, but lately my body has not been reacting positively to it. So now I'm trying to talk my husband into a vasectomy. He has been, shall we say, resistant. Very resistant.

So, do you have any advice what to say to him? If you don't mind me asking, have you had a vasectomy? From reading your blog, I'm guessing you have.

Advice on what to say to him? Say nothing. Just leave him alone with the kids for a week, and when you come back, say "Oh, and I'm off the pill." That would do it for me. I mean, before my wife's 3-month maternity leave was exhausted, I not only visited the hospital myself for a quick and easy vasectomy, but I also sent my wife in to have her vagina surgically relocated to the middle of her left thigh. Not that it matters because I sleep at the neighbor's house, just in case.

It's a penis, fellas. It's not the Eighth Wonder of the World. Get it snipped. I guarantee that any mistreatment it suffers in the hands of your trained urologist is nothing compared to the abuse you dished out at thirteen locked in your closet with a stack of Playboys and a tube sock. It's a simple procedure. Get it done.

Seriously, I have half a mind to detail for you the unending medical delights that your wives have had to put up with in, on, and around their hoo hoos just to show you what a pussy scrotum you are being. Go get it snipped.

Hope this helps,

The Dad

Got a question for The Dad? Email him at lookydaddy [at] gmail [dot] com.

Comments

[GyrlPower]

That's exactly what my husband said. He told me that after he watched me give birth to two kids (one of them 10 1/2 lbs), he had no trouble going in for an hour and while under anesthetic having someone snip his bits.

Very well put!! :)

[Lydia]

HAHAHA!! "I sleep at the neighbor's house, just in case." Babysitting as birth control -- that is a great idea.

[Nicole]

I've heard tell of such scrotal pussies but had never actually encountered one. Thanks for sharing! And this:

It's a penis, fellas. It's not the Eighth Wonder of the World.

Pure, tough love genius.

[Jordan]

The entire city of Chicago has just been shocked out of its rain-induced stupor, thanks to my laughter while reading this response.

[Ken]

Just be sure that he follows the doctor's instructions and avoid heavy lifting / strenuous activity after the surgery. My brother thought he was indestructable, tried to play horsey with his kids, and ended up bedridden for a week-and-a-half with, um, "painful swelling."

[Navi]

My husband says intercourse is better post vascectomy. And for him a link to the long term effects of the kind of birth control I was on plus the risks of getting my tubes tied were good enough...

[S]

I haven't laughed that hard in ages. Thanks. :)

[Trish/Astrogirl426]

Yeh, I always have to chuckle (or is it cry?) when I hear about guys who don't want to get their bits snipped. As a mom who's had a c-section, an in-office procedure that's done under local anesthetic sounds like a vacation.

My advice would be to find a family with 6 kids, and let him babysit for an evening. He'll ask to stop off at the hospital on the way home to get it done.

[allmycke]

It's been a long time since I laughed this hard!
This post alone should get you "Best Daaddy Blog 2009"

[jim]

To husband: go see elsewhere.

[loren]

just went on the depo shot because my husband is wanting to "wait two more years" before getting the snip. apparently his testicles are sentimental about the year 2011.

[Mel]

I'm forwarding this to my husband. Thanks!

[metoo]

I'm only surprised that you didn't manage to weave frozen peas into this post...

[sasha]

We are big believers in vasectomy goodness. Having sex and reproduction permanently unhinged is the BEST thing you can do for your sex life. Ever.

[Tess]

My husband didn't want a vasectomy, either. Something about sharp objects so close to his parts...Anyway, after a friend got pregnant with baby #4 two years after her tubal ligation, he RAN to the urologist and assumed the position!

[Shawna]

lol. this post is too hilarious.

an IUD doesn't have the side effects of the pill since the hormone isn't passed through your blood stream, and it's less frightening than a vasectomy to me, but that's a tough one. i currently am feeling in over my head with just two singletons.

[Miss Britt]

I am literally sending this to my husband right. now.

[metoo]

Also, I'm interpreting the masthead in a whole new way now...

[Tess]

Just flashed forward ten years, finding my 10-year-old son in a closet with a tube sock and some sort of futuristic hand-held (oops, bad pun) internet device. Thanks for that.

[kelli]

My husband loved it so much, he had it done twice!

The first time we got my daughter out of the deal. (After we got the "go for it!" letter I went off the pill. Then I missed my period.)

The second time was a freebee.

[Brian]

Guys, all day long I've been trying to get my wife to comment with "Oh, so that's where my vagina's gone!" BUT SHE WON'T DO IT! I can't imagine why not.

[Tess]

I meant to say my 13 year-old son...since 3+10=13. Oh my goodness, see what these kids have done to my brain?!?

[Laura]

Brian - freakin hillarious.

I can't imagine why The Mom won't comment on the location of her vagina?!?!?!

What she puts up with in the name of comedy and marriage...

[Taado]

Our local paper ran an article just this weekend about the increase in number of vasectomies since the economic downturn. After a lot of comments about the cost of more children, they said that the real reason is fear of losing insurance coverage. Personally, working in Labor & Delivery at the local hospital, I think it's because of the huge numbers of multiples being born these days!

[~annie]

Haha! Fantastic! Being single, I've never had this particular discussion with a man. I am, however, going to use the line "It's a penis, fellas. It's not the Eighth Wonder of the World." first chance I get.