Ask The Dad

Dear The Dad,

My husband and I have three kids (twins and a singleton) and, while we both agree that we don't want any more children, we are at a bit of an impasse. Up to this point, I've been in charge of birth control, meaning I've been on the pill. I've taken it since I was in college, and frankly, I'm done. I don't want to take it anymore. I'll spare you the details, but lately my body has not been reacting positively to it. So now I'm trying to talk my husband into a vasectomy. He has been, shall we say, resistant. Very resistant.

So, do you have any advice what to say to him? If you don't mind me asking, have you had a vasectomy? From reading your blog, I'm guessing you have.

Advice on what to say to him? Say nothing. Just leave him alone with the kids for a week, and when you come back, say "Oh, and I'm off the pill." That would do it for me. I mean, before my wife's 3-month maternity leave was exhausted, I not only visited the hospital myself for a quick and easy vasectomy, but I also sent my wife in to have her vagina surgically relocated to the middle of her left thigh. Not that it matters because I sleep at the neighbor's house, just in case.

It's a penis, fellas. It's not the Eighth Wonder of the World. Get it snipped. I guarantee that any mistreatment it suffers in the hands of your trained urologist is nothing compared to the abuse you dished out at thirteen locked in your closet with a stack of Playboys and a tube sock. It's a simple procedure. Get it done.

Seriously, I have half a mind to detail for you the unending medical delights that your wives have had to put up with in, on, and around their hoo hoos just to show you what a pussy scrotum you are being. Go get it snipped.

Hope this helps,

The Dad

Got a question for The Dad? Email him at lookydaddy [at] gmail [dot] com.

Comments

[Keryn]

I think I just fell in love with you.

[R]

Awesome. Saved for that day in the future when this will come in VERY handy...

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Too funny! I've always wondered why some men are like "dude, I'll get snipped now, just promise to pick me up afterwards" and others are all "um, never! them there's the jewels!"

I guess this is the difference. The ones in the first group have been left alone with small children.

[John]

My vasectomy was such a beautiful and moving experience. My wife on one table delivering twins and me right next to her on my own table with my urologist snipping and burning away. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

[Jo]

LOL!!!! This was hysterical!!

[Hatchet]

You are (sing-song voice) awwwwwwwwwwwe-sommmmmmme!

Lovin' it!

My husband and I had a similar conversation. It ended with him getting snipped. I've done my part with the emergency c-section for the singleton and the planned c-section for the twins. I'm DONE.

[Jeff]

As dad of 3 I thought the same thing... until I developed an infection after the snip snip. 2 days later, the gentleman on the left was larger than a baseball, and the gentleman on the right had nearly disappeared (I can only guess that he was feeling inadequate.) 3 painful weeks later I was back to a relative state of normal, but I still get days where it hurts for much of the day.
Would I still get a vas? Take two boys 10 and 7 with their 2 year old little sister to the mall... Yep, in a heart beat.

[LiteralDan]

At first, I took offense to your claim that my penis is not The Eighth Wonder of The World, but then I realized that you were probably not speaking specifically of mine.

Once I rationalized that technically, my penis would be classed as the FIRST Wonder of the World, bumping the old number 7 down to 8, I was back to being totally cool with you. The confusion was totally on my end.

(P.S. I've always been really quite gentle, thank you very much.)

[Loretta]

My advice would be telling him your off the pill and then, for an entire weekend, walk around the house in lingerie--with the urologist's cards stuck in your garter belt, your g-string--you get the picture. Make sure that the business card is the only thing he's allowed to touch.

[Chickenpig]

I would ask my husband to get snipped, but apparently it is unnecessary. He has extremely wonky sperm, from either accident, illness, or both. None of our children were conceived with both of us in the same room. Now that I've said that, of course, I will probably get knocked up with child #4. That baby would be the 8th wonder of the world...with or without a penis ;)

[Anonymous]

~annie: It sounded good in theory, but in practice it didn't work out as well. The reply was an update about what the "Eight Wonder of the World" wanted to have happen next...

[reen]

Loretta's idea would TOTALLY work!! As well as your note to the hubs. Great post!

[Parenting Tips Madness]

Oh that was funny but boy that is cruel. But then again I have two kids and I'm nuts for keeping them alive !!!

[Kristen Kemp]

Just tell him that if he does it, he'll get more sex. Worked for me.

[Elisa]

Brilliant. I am SO saving this and showing it to my husband the next time this topic comes up :-)

[heidi]

GREAT answer. And may I add... when they recommend that you get some frozen peas for minor discomfort, get the BAG, not the box :-)

[p/f]

We had talked about and agreed that husband would get a vasectomy after our third child was born. But, after the baby came, hubs was really showing no urgency to get the procedure. I told him that I wouldn't be interested in having sex unless the vasectomy happened. He called to make the appt. that day. I'm just glad that he didn't call my bluff.

[Andrea]

I have to send this to my husband! He definitely thinks his manhood is at stake whenever the snip comes up in conversation...

[Daddy Scratches]

I have two kids. When our second was being born, I had a urologist in the delivery room snipping my bag while my wife pushed out our daughter.

(P.S.: You should definitely get a vasectomy ... but first, you should definitely stock up on frozen peas. Click on my name below for my love letter to those wonderful little frozen orbs and all their scrotum-soothing goodness.)

[John]

All guys should eventually go see the Italian Urologist - Dr. Snippa DePeeni. Just be sure to take the valium they offer you ahead of time.

[Val]

This should laminated and posted at urologists' offices!