Carpools With Camilo, part 2

Christmas must be just around the corner. I know this not because I've seen the displays at the mall. I would rather participate in a voluntary study of some kind of particularly invasive and controversial surgery than take my girls to a mall. It is also not because of the cold snap that has hit the country. Cold snaps only affect those who go outside, and with the twins deeply rooted in the "I'll do it myself" stage, I think it's better for everyone concerned if they continue to spend most of their day indoors. In the bathroom. In the tub. Under a mattress. Guarded by fierce dogs.

But I digress.

I know that Christmas is upon us because Camilo and Kathryn have begun to argue about Jesus again. Believe it or not, this is a bit of a relief, because of late, our Carpools-with-Camilo arguments have avoided safe topics, such as religion, and gone into the social sphere. Apparently their elementary school is home to a little more than eight hundred thousand secret first-grade clubs and it is very important for both Kathryn and Camilo to loudly and repeatedly proclaim their (1) membership in, or (2) opposition to, each of these secret clubs.

There's the Spider Club, the Care Bear Club, the Baby Bear Club, the Magic Witch Club, the Lunchtime Club, the Playground Club, the Spider-Bear Club, the Baby Spider Lunchtime Club, the Magic Baby Care Bear Witch Club, and a bunch of others with names so complicated that it confirms my long-held suspicion that First Graders should never be allowed to congregate in groups greater than one.  And Kathryn and Camilo are in about half of these clubs and enemies of the other half. And it is very tiring.

But now Kathryn and Camilo are back on their old favorite, Jesus. Today's argument was about how Jesus died. Camilo was adamant that Jesus was hung. Kathryn was equally insistent that Jesus had been nailed to death. Both children brought forth a truly staggering list of supporting sources, pictures they had seen, videos they had watched, members of the clergy they had consulted, peyote buttons they had chewed, that proved with no doubt that they were correct. Finally, Kathryn turned to me.

"Daddy, how did Jesus die?"

But there was no way I was getting into this one. Not in an election year.

Comments

[petunia]

Well played, Dad. Intervening in advance of imminent bloodshed is never a good move. You will always be WRONG. Both sides will think so. This will hold true for tbe next 25 years or so, no matter what position you take. My suggestion is to turn the radio up very loud, overpowering the noise coming from the rear of the vehicle. I used to threaten mine with loud Country music to restore order. (That often worked!!)

[The Godfather]

Psst... The Dad-- Why are you calling Amanda "Kathryn" and Captain Poops in the Tub "Lila"????!!??

[The Dad]

The whole name change got too confusing. Plus, the other kids thought it was unfair that Lila had the fun name, so they spent the rest of the weekend trying to earn their own moniker. Kathryn was apparently aiming for Captain I'm-Not-Tired-So-I-Won't-Go-To-Bed and Victoria had her sights on Captain Screams-Through-the-Night. So I thought it was best just to go back to their regular names. Sorry for the confusion.

[Loretta Poobin]

When you say that "First Graders should never be allowed to congregate in groups greater than one" are you advocating home schooling?

[The Dad]

No two words strike more fear into The Dad's heart than "home school".

[The Godfather]

How about "sick twins"? (for two words that strike fear into The Dad's heart)

[EOMama]

Godfather, I've gotta side with The Dad here and say that as bad as "sick twins" can be, it is a far cry from the imagined horror of "home school." I can barely type the words. You see, we parents of twins have internal clocks that count down the days until our little "cherubs" are in school full time. I have what seems like 1.5 billion days to go....