Haiku-a-thon

You may have noticed a new site on my blogroll: Dream/Baby Haiku. This blog was brought to my attention this past weekend and I think it's brilliant. You should definitely check it out. Right now. Go ahead. The rest of this post will wait until you get back. Now shoo!

So over the weekend I emailed Emily, the writer of those brilliant haikus (haiki?) and asked her if she would be a guest-judge for a LookyDaddy haiku-a-thon, to which she graciously agreed.

So here's the deal: Compose a 5-7-5 haiku related in some way to the raising of children. Then post it in the comment section. I'll be taking submissions from now until midnight on Monday, November 13th. There is no limit to the number of submissions you may make.

On Tuesday, the 14th, Emily will, using whatever mystical means that poets use (perhaps she'll just count the syllables in each line), cull the haiku submissions down to five finalists. Then on Wednesday I'll take those five finalists and give you, Gentle Reader, the chance to vote for your favorite one.

The winner of the popular vote will receive an exclusive LookyDaddy Please Help Me Through Another Day with My Kids gift pack, which includes a pound of dark roast coffee, a pack of chocolate-covered espresso beans, and a gift certificate for a dozen glazed Krispy Kreme donuts. Mmm, tasty.

Just to get the ball rolling, here are a few originals penned by yours truly, The Dad. Enjoy them and then get to writing.

It’s Dad Again

Morning coos turn to

Hollers of disappointment

Different parent, please

Hot Dog

Render from a pig

The least appetizing cuts

Feed them to your kids

Shopping with Twins

With stupid questions

You impede my shopping cart

Should I mow you down?

Alone Time

Twins wail and bellow

How can he abandon us

As daddy goes poop

Comments

[Paula]

Nightwatch

I watch them sleeping
On top of all their blankets
Dreaming of mischief

[John]

Play With Fire

Three would have been nice
Fertilized egg splits in two
And now we have four

[katie]

Otherwise She Would Have Beat Me To Death

My mom said
The eff word
Saved my life

[katie]

I was thinking 3-5-3, and I still didn't get it right.

Let's start over:

My mom once told me
The Eff Word Probably Saved
Me and Steven's Lives

(New title: Otherwise She Would Have Beaten Us To Death)

[petunia]

While babes sleep soundly
We recharge our batteries
To face tomorrow.

[Dona]

MY LIFE

Twins are a blessing.
Twice the poopy and pukey.
Cleaning them is fun.

[Christine]

Return to Parents

I don't have children
Because when they are your own
You can't give them back

[Jess]

The Joy of Reflux

Eight ounces swallowed
Six heaved on home furnishings
Refill the bottle

[Sue]

Loving Mr. Clean Magic Eraser

Boys play quietly
In another room nearby
One word rings, "uh oh"

[Diane]

MY FRIENDS

Joe and Nancy raise
John and Michael, but really
The boys raise pure hell

[The Dad]

Here's another one from me:

On off on off on
Off on off on off on off
On off on off on

I call it Standing On a Chair I Can Reach the Light Switch.

[Diane]

MY FRIENDS, REDUX
John and Michael love
Their big brother James, who loves
To jump on their heads

[Kate]

I am very tired
My sanity dwindles more
And then they giggle
_____

Their outfits don't match
But I was there at their birth
They really are twins
_____

Double trouble, yes
Two for the price of one? NO!
Better me than you!

[The Godfather]

Efficient machines:
produce much more poop than food
they consume each day.

[The Godfather]

Have twins? Twins, you say?
Insanity, thy name is
parent. Please, no more!

[Amy]

The Breast Pump

Black Backpack Pulses
In a Quiet Room Mom Hides
Milk Overflowing

Crying Over Spilled Milk

Midnight, stay awake!
A tired head nods in slumber
Pumping before bed.

[Tapey's Mom]

Ok, I am going to be a hog; I have four:

He's Got a Cold

I suck out his nose
Babies make grown-up boogers
Bulb syringe goes “slurp”
***************

Why We Have So Much Laundry

Oh no, a loud splurt!
Poop up to his collarbone;
Second bath today.
****************

Long-Distance Love

“Kiss that baby boy,”
Both of his grandmothers say.
It’s easy to comply.
*****************

Damn You, Dr. Sears!

Sleep when baby sleeps
Say all the childcare experts
What if he won’t nap?

[John]

Watch What You Say

Sweet girl two years old
Playing with toys, frustrated
When she says, "Oh fut."

[Victor]

DEMOCRACY STARTS AT HOME

At breakfast she asks
Did we lose the election?
And she's only six

[katie]

HEY! What did you do?
Did you do that Mister, huh?
You poop on the floor?

(Do dogs count as children if we don't have kids of our own?)

[Cathie]

As time goes by

Two babies, need sleep
Terrible two's, oh my word
Three years, please survive!

[AmazngJ]

What am I in trouble for teaching her today?

Her mind a steel trap
Her attention span a sieve
Bad habits retained

[Palooka]

"That new baby smell"

Barf stains on the couch
Glasses smudged by drooly hands
Laundry never ends

--------------------------
"Days of our lives"

Toothless grin at dawn
Sleepy eye rub at seven
Growing up between

--------------------------
"Why there are only two things in the washing machine"

Diaper blowout, noon
Daycare loans onesie; at home
Poop escapes again

Our Generation
Born in easy world
Plundered everything in sight
We leave a less place

Ode to GM
Air so nice and clean
Cars much bigger than they seem
Anyone smell gasolene?