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December 11, 2006


Everytime I see some awesome uber-toy that I could never afford to buy for my twins (or have the indoor space for), I always think to myself, "I bet Julia's twins are playing with that right now."

Personally, I think Julia's twins are imaginery. There is no way that woman gave birth to two babies at once. She made it all up as a publicity stunt.

I am amazed you have memories of those early days. In true PTSD fashion I have blocked that entire time. When my wife tries to remind me of something it's like that scene from Weird Science where Gary has been erased from his father's memory. "You remember. They're our sons, Grant and Dean."

I also have to say that my wife and I love the Supernanny type shows for the exact opposite reason that you hate Julia Roberts. They ALWAYS have a family with twins and it's so nice to know that there are people out there doing so much worse than us. No offense to anyone reading who has been featured on any of those shows.

I was going to invite myself for martinis, but after the Julia rant, I'm keeping my scrawny ass on my side of the bay. I'll try not to mention that even without personal trainers and nanny's I was back to my pre-twins weight in two months. *ducks*

But really, who has time to eat with twins?

It's not so much about the pre-pregnancy weight. It's more about the pre-pregnancy shape. I actually weigh less than I did pre-pregnancy and have a smaller waist (breastfeeding--so many benefits!). But if I bend over my stomach flops out like a female cat that's been fixed. It's unnerving to say the least. And look at her! She’s had her hair done: I haven’t even had a trim in 8 months. If I’m not at work, I’m on duty. Sadly they don’t carry my size at The Children’s Place so I don’t have any new clothes: I’m starting to look threadbare. And hell, she’s SITTING DOWN in the picture!! I bet at some point in the same day that photo was taken, she ate a full meal without rushing bites in between feeding others, read a book for pleasure, and had a full, adult conversation with her husband.

Um, sweetie, just a reminder. You never had an adult conversation with me even before we had kids.

As for the pre- vs. post-pregnancy weight issue, I am also lighter than I was before twins. In fact, I lost exactly HALF the preggo weight just by giving birth to my monstrous girls! Breastfeeding did the rest. And spending the last 18 months eating not much more than whatever the twins drop onto the floor from their highchairs took off the extra 10 pounds. But like The Mom, I would gladly take back the ten pounds in exchange for my pre-twins flat belly and perky chest.

By the way, The Mom clearly needs to play hooky from work and join us for martinis! And Kate, your scrawny ass is most certainly welcome to cross the bay anytime... as long as you blog about it.

If I could move the belly flap back up to my boobs, I'd be happy.

And of course I would blog about going to Joowsey, that is assuming I'm sober enough to type! Actually the last time I was up that way I was pregnant with the boys...

The Dad, are you going to surrender the blog of such a MANLY man so full of maleness that you fathered twins to rants about getting back to prepregnancy weight and boobs hanging down to your belly and flabby fixed female cat bellies?!?!?! If this descends into plastic surgery before and after stories it is going to cost me BIG! My wife has been dropping hints about the tummy tuck to fix the flabby fixed cat belly thing since about 2.7 seconds after the twins were delivered. Please stop this before I am living on Ramen.

Yikes. You all are living my worst nightmare and have nothing but my respect and condolances. I am grateful every day that my little monsters came in one's.

And Julia? She always gave me hairballs, even before the twins.

Uhm, you guys are freaking me out.

Is it too late to say no to twins? Perhaps we can just sell one on the black market.

Does anyone know how to contact the baby black market? And what's the going rate?

BTW, not the body shape thing... it's the other stuff. Not seeing the light of day, not being able to get it together to get out of the house, etc.

The not seeing the light of day thing isn't permanent. But twice the hugs is! (I think that was the most gag-a-rific thing I've ever typed.)

I agree with "How About Two." It's really not about the body shape.
And John, you need to get her thinking about it this way:
1 Tummy Tuck: $8,500, 6 weeks of recovery, and possible complications
Developing a corset fetish: $150
A $5 pair of control top pantyhose: priceless

If I went to a 3 Martini playdate, you would probably have to do an intervention and steal my car keys.LOL! I haven't had anything to drink in soooo long, one drink would do me in. I've become a wuss.

How About Two: Not only is that not seeing the light of day thing impermanent, it also happens when you have only one baby at a time (or so I've heard).

Can I start by saying that I am an avid reader and fan of your blog (and I’m not just saying that because my “people” suggest that it will help me gain a solid footing in the non-celebrity twin community). I have to say that your depiction of me as a hands-off mom could not be further from the truth. The twins are not whisked off to different wings in my mansion (er, um, home)…they are softly and gently nurtured under their mother’s giant metaphorical wings. Wings of love. There are few times that I am not physically embracing them, or playing age appropriate games with them while teaching them whatever it is they should know at this age. Why just the other day, I was talking with them about how lucky they are to have an amazing mother like me. One of the little things said to me “Mom, you are truly unique. You are the soft, spiritual, angelic image of motherhood that every twins mom should aspire to”. If you don’t believe that children of my age could speak these words (or even talk for that matter), then feel free to view the undoctored video that captured them. After I send you this manufactured evidence, (um, I mean cute candid video), you could post it on your site with a humble apology and retraction of the “She’s dead to us” comment. Maybe you could change it to “She’s just like any other twins mom, only much much better”. If you leak the video to the press, I may even agree to come to one of your 3-martini thingamajiggies (sans children of course).

With thanks for helping me re-direct my public image to include goddess of motherhood,
Julia Roberts

Okay, no more comments that make me spew my coffee (or gag on it for that matter, Kate). This post has officially gotten out of hand.

It's not Julia Roberts who gets me...it's that Angelina Jolie. Working mom, sleeping with Brad Pitt, saving orphans, working with United Nations to save the world, and completely stunning. At least Julia keeps mostly quiet.

Okay... back up, back up!

How do you have time for 3-martini-playdates? I only have one baby I don't have time for 3 drinks of anything much less a playdate. I'm lucky if I can chug a Shiner between changing diapers and doing loads of laundry.

I hate her. I even met her once, total bi#$%! However, I have 4 month old twins and I am less than pre-pregnancy weight. It does happen... nursing is what I credit... and good genes.

you have time to WEIGH YOURSELVES?

I've been thinking about this particular post for ages. Mainly I wanted to comment that last time I saw the Mom, I thought she looked STUNNING. So I was a little suprised when first reading this post, but then glad to see her comments. Also, I can affirm that the not-seeing-the-light-of-day thing happens to singleton moms, too. Especially if you have any other kids. Same for the flabby tummy thing. And I too went through a phase of intense dislike for Ms. Roberts, but mine was born of a different source of envy - news of her twins' birth was everywhere, just when I learned that my "Baby B" was gone. Blah.

Yes, I want to kick Kate's scrawny ass. My twins are 19 months old and I am having a hell of a time getting rid of the weight. And I ate very healthy before, during, and after the pregnancy. So put that up your scrawny ass and blow it.......JULIA and Kate!

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