One-Liner Wisdom

If I come back in the next life as something repugnant, it will be because I do not interfere as my two-year-olds chase our cats around the house, wielding Windex bottles and paper towels, saying, "Cats! Cats! Clean you!"

One of the more surprising letdowns I've encountered as a father of twins is the look of disappointment on the face of my second twin after the first got such an impressive response when she pulled my finger.

The single greatest argument against homeschooling is that you lose the ability to look at your six-year-old daughter across the dining room table and ask, "Where on Earth did you learn that?"

If I could make a toddler potty that looked like the area behind my couch, I'd be a millionaire.

Comments

[Petunia]

These are truly profound! Good job, sir.

[Kate]

How did you find out my boys were peeing behind your couch? I thought I had disguised them so perfectly as ferns.

[Catherine]

I read this while my twins were chasing our dog with their shopping carts (and I was blissfully drinking my coffee). Here's my justification - now that I have three kids under two, it's the most exercise he gets.

[Nutmeg]

You should make this a meme!

[Diane]

I'll add one to your list (based on a friend's experience with Munchkin Folk):
The single greatest argument in favor of cleaning up your own colorful exclamations is looking at your precious 2-year-old as she says matter-of-factly, "F**k it," moments before Grandma and Grandpa are to arrive to take her for the day.

[Michelle]

When the twins are done cleaning your cats, they can come over and clean mine (3)!

[anne nahm]

This post is awesomeness personified.

[The Dad]

Nutmeg, If you'd like, feel free to make it a meme and pass it along. Let me know how it goes!