My last post was a bit disingenuous. For that matter, so were the 200-odd posts before that, but accuracy in reporting was never my strong suit. There's a reason why Journalism was the shortest-lived of all my college majors. (It didn't even last as long as Men's Studies, a course of study whose inclusion in the catalog turned out to be an elaborate college prank. Still, it was my declared major for a semester and a half.)
Lila's front tooth didn't break last Friday. It actually broke well over a year ago, about a month after it had first come in. The circumstances are clouded in mystery. One day, she had a shiny, happy, white tooth, the next day she had a shiny, happy, not-so-white tooth, and the next day she had what you saw posted here on Monday: a big, scary, double-pronged, sharp and pointy, pacifier shredding, partial front tooth.
In what must have been the fastest, least guilt-ridden transition ever, Lila was weaned within the hour.
Also within the hour, our local dentist received no fewer than 782 phone calls, to no avail. Broken teeth happen all the time in the infant world, the dentist assured us. Not like this, I assured her. The entire middle part of her tooth was gone! Gone! Did she not understand what that meant? My precious darling Lila, the only child of ours who actually cried less when I held her, looked like an infant Vlad the Impaler.
Our dentist was unmoved. She calmly suggested that we schedule an appointment for a week later, unimpressed by our loudly voiced visions of severed fingers and lower jaws chewed to bloody pulps.
A week later, none of my fears had come to pass. Lila was showing no ill effects from the broken tooth, nor had she included biting her sister in the neck to her already substantial list of infant anti-social behaviors. At our appointment, the dentist looked at the tooth, poked at it a bit, then told me to bring Lila back in four months as there was no way she was going to attempt filling a tooth that sharp on a baby that young, that'll be sixty dollars, thank you very much. And by the way, don't let her chew on her fingers because did I mention how sharp her tooth was? Bye, now.
I might have been a wee bit indignant as we left the dentist's office, but had I known just how bad filling Lila's tooth would be four months from then, I would never have agreed to come back. It was ugly. There was an awful lot of blood, none of it Lila's.
If you've ever had to reach down into a garbage disposal to retrieve an object, you know the feeling our dentist had when she voluntarily placed her fingers in Lila's mouth to attempt to fill that broken tooth.
And if you pulled your hand back out of the garbage disposal all in one piece, untouched by whirring blades, then that's where the similarity ends.
But against all odds and while sustaining great personal injury, the dentist filled that tooth. And that filling lasted just over a year until dinnertime last Friday, when Lila swallowed it down with her second helping of nutritious Goldfish brand snack crackers. So now we are back at square one. Knowing what we know, we might just leave the tooth this way. Of course, we might not have a choice. Our dentist has stopped taking our calls.
At least she'll have some really cool pictures to show her friends when she's older. My girls have a cross-bite where one top front tooth goes behind the bottom one. All THREE of them have it (what are the odds?) They look like a bunch of hillbilly midgets. Sorry, "little people."
Posted by: Loren | April 11, 2007 at 01:21 AM
Loren: I can't wait until people start showing up at this site after Googling "hillbilly midgets." Quality readers you will garner me. Quality readers.
Posted by: The Dad | April 11, 2007 at 06:38 AM
this comment is actually for Loren. "hillbilly midgets" - I love it! i laughed out loud at that comment. (as i frequently do when I'm here.)
Posted by: | April 11, 2007 at 08:01 AM
oops didnt mean to de-lurk anonymously. The above was me.
Posted by: Laura | April 11, 2007 at 08:02 AM
You see? It's started already.
Posted by: The Dad | April 11, 2007 at 08:09 AM
When I was a baby I fell down, landing with the bottle firmly in my mouth, and knocked my two front teeth out. I didn't have front teeth until they finally came in when I was 7 (??). Didn't bother me. It just took me longer to learn how to whistle. :)
Posted by: Wendy | April 11, 2007 at 08:35 AM
dangnabit, I came here looking for my kin and all I find is this jibber jabber daddy stuff!
Posted by: django's hillbilly mama | April 11, 2007 at 11:32 AM
My son's left front tooth came in "budded", which is fancy dentist-talk (dentist fancy-talk?) for some weird genetic anomaly that causes two roots to fuse into one larger, notched tooth. He looks like he damaged his front tooth, but it just is what it is. We have not considered getting it fixed, but it's also not quite as sharp as the one Lila is sporting... Our biggest plan at this point is to try to get him in for x-rays to see if the anomaly extends to his permanent teeth. Praying for a big no on that one.
Posted by: Nicole | April 11, 2007 at 12:04 PM
Nicole - I had the same problem with my now 18 year old - both my kids had THE most perfect baby teeth, but omg...when the permanent ones starting coming in - yikes!
My son's 2 front teeth each had "budding" issues - for example if the normal tooth size if 4cm, then 1 tooth was 12cm and the other one was like 9cm. Or something like that.
Lots of orthodontia later, his teeth are perfectly amazingly straight although he still has the big chicklet teeth (I blame is dad), he kind of likes them, they fit in his mouth and with his smile and the biggest one still has a small notch in the middle he likes - says it adds to his personality. Our dentist said we could have the permanent ones bonded, but if it doesn't bother him, why bother. If you want, I'll send you a picture of his now perfect smile to show you how the 2 front teeth came out.
Posted by: Anne Prince | April 11, 2007 at 12:45 PM
I'm so glad I could help diversify your audience! PS - Leave the tooth. It makes a very convenient bottle opener, and will save you money on ear piercings. I wish I could say that my kids were so useful.
Posted by: Loren | April 11, 2007 at 02:09 PM
The Dad, I wouldn't be so concerned about the search engines picking up the hilbilly comment as I would the one about having a vampire daughter... oh yeah, now THERE'S a fun crowd to hang with....
But I digress. May I at least congratulate your daughter on her fine choice of a dinner food? Goldfish crackers ROCK.
Posted by: Diane | April 11, 2007 at 02:19 PM
Oh Lord, Diane, you're right. Luckily, my blog is lost amid the 8,307,896 Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan blogs.
Scary, scary people, them. Not that I don't own all seven seasons on DVD, mind you. I just don't blog about them. Much.
Posted by: The Dad | April 11, 2007 at 07:47 PM
Anne--Thanks for your reassuring comments. If you have a sec, I'd love to see a pic. You can email me at rosenleaf-at-aya-dot-yale-dot-edu.
The Dad--I do have the blog domain for "A Shoebox Full of Howler Monkeys" reserved. (See Episode 83.) Not that I'm a freak like that, you know.
Posted by: Nicole | April 12, 2007 at 11:37 AM
Dentists are good like that. When I was little I chipped a tooth off (ill-conceived carnival ride) The dentist actually just told my parents to leave it chipped until my permanenant teeth came in....which they did and I have the horrible class pictures to prove it. Good luck Lila!
Posted by: Claudia | April 12, 2007 at 10:24 PM