Dear Rental House,
You are small. I'm sorry if that hurts, but you are. When we moved in three years ago, we found that a good deal of our furniture could not fit inside you. Our bed frame and mattress, our dresser, one whole couch, and a desk all went back to Texas in the moving truck that had brought them here the day before. The driver said he'd donate them to charity at some point down the line, but secretly I think he's kept them to make his own portable bedroom in the back of his truck. He seemed the type.
You weren't always so small, of course. Almost 200 years ago when you were built, you were spacious: A grand and glorious house replete with bedrooms, dining rooms, parlors, and the like. But then someone had the idea of putting up a wall right down the middle of you and doubling your housing capacity while halving your housing space. Who wouldn't like that, right? Who, indeed.
Rental House, I don't like you. There, I said it. And I don't think I'm alone. Remember that young man, over a hundred years ago now, that young man who lived here with his parents? Remember that day, in 1905, that fine day in May when he hatcheted his mother to death in what would later be our living room? Then he went upstairs and shot his father five times, once in the head? Happily they didn't make guns very well back then and the father survived. Of course, they didn't make houses very well back then either, no offense. It is rumored in the publications of the time that the young man was unstable, which begs the question of what need a stable young man might have of taking a hatchet to his mom, doesn't it? But I think his stability is beside the point. I think he did it because his parents chose to live in you.
Rental House, you were not always sitting where you are now. No, about ninety years ago you were down the block, right where that five-lane street is now. Finding you a hindrance to the building of that street, yet not wanting to deny anyone the pleasure of living within you, the good people of this town moved you. They built you a big basement and then moved you on top of it, and who am I to complain if the two of you didn't match up exactly right? I mean, I can barely set a cup of coffee down in a saucer correctly. And if those gaps between you and your basement let in a little dirt, a little sunshine, and sometimes a little water, well that's just part of the charm in living in you. You charmer, you.
Oh, how I'm babbling on, Rental House. I'm sorry. I never was any good at break-ups. Because that's what this is, you know: a break-up. My family and I have found someone else. A real house, the kind you take home to meet your mom, the kind you buy. And buy it we did.
Rental House, simply put, we're through. I hope the new For Rent sign doesn't hurt much when we pound it into your front lawn. Well, not too much.
Love,
Brian
Wow, you bought a house! Congratulations!
I hate renting, after 12mths I always want a new house. Ugh.
Posted by: Veronica | October 24, 2007 at 10:04 PM
Yay!!! Congratulations on The New Home of Your Own!
Can I lobby to make that the shortnened nickname for the new place? NHOYO? or HOYO?
Posted by: Laura | October 24, 2007 at 10:21 PM
Congrats! Hope it all goes smoothly for you.
Posted by: Liesel Elliott | October 24, 2007 at 10:25 PM
Wow, congratulations! We said good-bye to our crappy rental house a few months back and are so so so so happy to be in our own home. It's worth the hell of moving, I swear it.
Posted by: Jordan | October 24, 2007 at 10:35 PM
Congratulations! Good luck on your big move!
Posted by: Colleen | October 24, 2007 at 11:04 PM
Congrats! We moved the month the twins turned 2. They adjusted with no problems and the toys quickly took over the basement family room. And lucky for you there will be no more nightmares of the unstable young man hacking his mothers head off!
Posted by: Cathie | October 24, 2007 at 11:11 PM
enjoy moving - one of the pure evils in life ;)
hee hee hee hee
congrats, though!
Posted by: loren | October 24, 2007 at 11:30 PM
Oh, congratulations! I didn't know about your rental's history. Freaky but oddly interesting.
Posted by: WendyP | October 25, 2007 at 12:36 AM
Yay! Now YOU get to fix the leaking and other crap that goes wrong. But it's totally worth it.
Congrats.
Posted by: Matthew | October 25, 2007 at 12:57 AM
Someone got hacked up in your house? Totally cool! I would definitely tell that story to the kids on Halloween and scare the living crap outta them.
Of course, you'll be dealing with the screaming and therapy bills so notice why I didn't suggest it for my own kid.
Congrats on the move.
Posted by: Hygiene Dad | October 25, 2007 at 07:00 AM
And I was so looking forward to reading the results of your subterranean agriculture project. Congrats on the new house. Just remember that kids are like a gas, they expand to fill their container.
Posted by: Sue | October 25, 2007 at 08:02 AM
Do you think it will be dangerous now that I'll be able to walk to your house for martini playdates? Hmmm...
Posted by: Jennifer, 3-Martini Jennifer | October 25, 2007 at 08:23 AM
Oh, my! Just when I thought I was dealing well with my addiction to reading about your kids, NOW I'll be jonesing for an update on the move... Good thing I come in to work early to catch up on my blog reading... Have fun!!!
Posted by: Krys72599 | October 25, 2007 at 08:24 AM
A couple of years ago, just before drifting to sleep on the living room sofa-bed in said rental house, The Dad told me a bedtime story. It began, "Mom, do you feel safe here?'
Posted by: The Gmama | October 25, 2007 at 08:37 AM
Congrats, that's very exciting!
We moved a little over a year ago, I'm still recovering...can't wait to hear all about it!
Posted by: Jaci | October 25, 2007 at 08:43 AM
Brian, congratulations! Rental house was so lucky to have your family as tenants. Hope the new house has good karma.
Posted by: Angela | October 25, 2007 at 08:44 AM
Congratulations! It's taken me 18 months to get over my night-sweats and panic attacks about being a homeowner, but it's all worth it now. Especially since we bought at the peak of the market AND interest rates! Yeehah!
Your timing is much better, but for the whole family stress going on.
Posted by: Nicole | October 25, 2007 at 09:08 AM
Congratulations!
Posted by: Erica | October 25, 2007 at 09:18 AM
Congratulations! Also, aaaaaaaiieeeeeee about your house's history! One of my old roommates grew up in an old house in Maine where the elderly couple had locked their unstable son in a room for years. It had long gouges in the wood from where he'd scrabbled to get out.
Posted by: qwyneth | October 25, 2007 at 09:48 AM
Woo hoo!
Posted by: Tammy | October 25, 2007 at 10:10 AM
oh, what a spooky little number you're living in. congrats on the new digs!!
Posted by: mamasgotmoxie | October 25, 2007 at 10:29 AM
Congratulations! Those New Jersey roots are just getting deeper and deeper. Congrats on the house, sorry it's in NJ.
Posted by: John | October 25, 2007 at 10:36 AM
Congrats on the "Joys of Home Ownership"
Now your girls will have a place for all those toys stuffed in the van.
Posted by: Catizhere | October 25, 2007 at 10:40 AM
Congrats on the new house!
Posted by: anne nahm | October 25, 2007 at 12:13 PM
Okay, Gmama's comment made me snort tea through my nose. No fair!
To the Dad, don't know if you've done a local move before (besides the dorm room to dorm room version in college). If so, I think you will agree that the local move sucks SO much less than the long-distance move. Assuming you stagger the closing and your lease termination, you don't have to do it *all* in one day. For instance, cleaning products can go first, as can the expensive breakables like wedding china, any stuff left after the great basement flood, and off season clothing/crud. Congratulations and good luck!!
Posted by: lizneust | October 25, 2007 at 12:46 PM