Sunday morning my wife and I broke the news to Kathryn about the death of our dog so many miles away, and after the grieving (a second grader can pass through all seven stages of grief in thirty minutes flat, twenty if you casually mention the ice-pops in the freezer) we decided to spend the rest of the day, just she and I, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
It was delightful.
Kathryn's mind is an interesting place. Like most children, she has an amazing capacity to forget that which she deems unimportant and remember with frightening detail that which she values. Something Kathryn can do without: Proper nouns. Something about which her depth of knowledge surpasses anyone you know: Mythology. Greek mythology, to be exact. Oh, and Webkinz.
For about a year we've been reading to Kathryn from D'aulaires' Book of Greek Myths, and for a year she has been absorbing it, filling her brain with it, treasuring its information in place of such mundanities as her best friend's identity or where we live. Or how to spell her middle name. Which is Rose. So we thought the time might be right to try another trip to the Met, hoping that their collection of ancient Greek art would dazzle her into forgetting the tragic announcement of the day. We had taken Kathryn there a few years back, but she had been too young then to be impressed by anything other than the way her big voice echoed in those quiet rooms. We hadn't stayed long.
This time, though, it was magic. And by magic, I mean she laughed a lot at all the naked penises.
I had forgotten that the Greek wing was really nothing but an astoundingly large number of naked torsos carved in marble, their arms, legs, and heads all having fallen prey to the elements, leaving just one appendage behind. And its two friends.
Hercules was the hero that rescued Kathryn from the thrall of the thousands of bedicked torsos, not because his manhood was covered, but because his back was. "Hercules!" Kathryn yelled, spying him across the hall. I asked how she knew. "He's wearing a lion skin," she replied with extra eye-rolly action. (If they ever made a Kathryn action figure, it would come with Extra Eye-Rolly Action! And I'd come with the Power to Not Strangle the Stranglable! Stranglible? Stranglable? It's hard living out here on the outskirts of English.) Hercules led to Perseus, Perseus led to Medusa, and Medusa led to Marsyas. And Marsyas led to me wondering just who it was my wife gave birth to seven years ago.
"Who's this guy, Daddy?"
(Reading) "Mar-sy-as."
"Oh." (Looks a little longer then turns to skip away.)
"Wait! Don't you want to know who he is? Don't you want to know why he looks like that?"
"Daddy. He looks like that because he thought he could play music better than Apollo. He couldn't so Apollo pulled off his skin to make a drum."
"Oh."
Scary, much?
And that's pretty much how the rest of the day went, Kathryn bouncing from piece to piece and me struggling to keep up, both physically and intellectually, with the world's preeminent Greek scholar. Who skips.
It's amazing how unfazed kids can be about some things (like using skin to make a drum -- yuck), but then completely fall apart if one of their siblings even looks at them from across the room. Wonderful creatures.
Posted by: She She | October 03, 2007 at 10:31 AM
Just think, you can use this experience to your advantage: When Kathryn grows up and starts dating, you can trot out the tale of how she laughed at the nekkid boys. (And dude, your site is gonna get SO much traffic today because you said "penis.")
Posted by: Diane | October 03, 2007 at 10:46 AM
She's really something. Love the extra rolleyaction action figure.
Posted by: Katherine | October 03, 2007 at 10:53 AM
"We hadn't stayed long." Classic.
Kathryn is awesome - and I think it's awesome you're reading mythology to her! She's gonna rock it in high school when she gets to that part of the curriculum.
Posted by: Abby | October 03, 2007 at 11:09 AM
And to think I thought my sister and I were the only five-year-olds who knew that Aphrodite was the Goddess of Love and Beauty. (Our English bulldog was named Aphrodite... an expression of my dad's twisted sense of humor, no?)
Love that Kathryn is into mythology. From one geek to another, storehouses of useless knowledge make you seem very smart to other people. Never mind the fact that it doesn't help you in your everyday life.
Posted by: Holly | October 03, 2007 at 11:23 AM
It seems to me that Kathryn is really quite proficient in her Proper noun usage, what with the Hercules and Appolo and such. She just doesn't want to waste time on silly things like her own middle name.
I am seriously much impressed with this Greek methology knowledge, especially given that my eyes glaze over whenever someone tries to speak of things that happened before I was born. It's probably safe to say that Kathryn knows better than I the true origins of our dog's name (Megara). I thought it was just a Disney character until I was recently straightened out by high school freshman. Damn kids think they know everything.
Posted by: Burgh Baby's Mom | October 03, 2007 at 11:29 AM
"Hercules was the hero that rescued Kathryn from the thrall of the thousands of bedicked torsos...."
I'm still giggling.
Plus! Maybe this experience will make her less likely to satisfy curiousity through playing doctor when she's older?
Posted by: Liza | October 03, 2007 at 11:57 AM
How did I miss the Hall of Penises the last time I went to the Met... Damn.
Posted by: Kate | October 03, 2007 at 12:09 PM
Unlurking - to say make sure she remembers it all... apparently I was the fount of all knowledge on steam engines as a child... but no more...which may or may not be a good thing...
Posted by: birchsprite | October 03, 2007 at 12:25 PM
Dude, "bedicked torsos" made me snarf my coffee! You rock.
Posted by: Jennifer, 3-Martini Jennifer | October 03, 2007 at 12:38 PM
That is very awesome.
Our oldest used to be one of the pre-eminent "scholars" on all things Egyptian (pyramids, mummies, etc.) So funny to hear someone so short talk about Ra and Thebes and really sound like she knew what she was talking about. I blame PBS. :-]
Posted by: jon deal | October 03, 2007 at 01:05 PM
Sheesh, Daddy, of course that's why Marsyas looks like that! Like, doesn't everyone know that?!! :) That's a very impressive amount of Greek knowledge she has.
In our house, if anyone has problems programing their cell phone, they just hand it to Aaron (who's five) and he'll get it to do stuff they never even knew it could do!
Posted by: Rachel | October 03, 2007 at 01:09 PM
Rachel, I've long believed that the only reason to have kids is to remain technologically relevant. If it weren't for me, my parents would never have a VCR that didn't blink 12:00.
Posted by: The Dad | October 03, 2007 at 02:12 PM
De-lurking to say love your writing. Kathryn sounds like quite a firecracker. I love the action figure comment. :)
Posted by: Angelle | October 03, 2007 at 02:17 PM
As always, Kathryn is a delight. Can I put in a vote for more Kathryn posts?
Posted by: Arwen | October 03, 2007 at 02:30 PM
That's awesome! I love Greek mythology. Perhaps I'll go find that book for my daughter.
I remember that I especially loved telling her that the Disney version of Hercules was ridiculously off base from the actual story. This, of course, led to having to tell her the whole story and spending some time in Wikipedia for research.
Posted by: Hatchet | October 03, 2007 at 03:13 PM
Delurking! That's me! Love your blog. Mythology was my favorite *random* college course. Way to go Kathryn!
Posted by: Kimba | October 03, 2007 at 03:27 PM
that is hysterical! and I agree...you're now going to get a crap-load of traffic due to your penises.
uh, not that you have more than one.
um, not that I would know. sorry...
but have fun with all the traffic...maybe they will all delurk on today, the Great Mofo Delurk! :D
(see my page to see the big green button to see what that crazy business is all about...looks like you got a lot of delurkers today!)
Posted by: colleen | October 03, 2007 at 03:42 PM
ok, I feel like a 3rd grader. I totally snickered at "bedicked torso's." Is that a word? Bedicked? If not, you should coin it! And BTW I am a total Greek Mythology nerd. Love the stuff. (Forget all that trashy roman mythology....)Go Kathryn!
and ditto the responses telling you to have fun with the "penis traffic." That sounds bad in so many ways.
Posted by: Jolene | October 03, 2007 at 04:26 PM
I am delurking not because of the bedicked torsos, but because I have selfishly been enjoying your blog for some time now, without leaving any ego strokey thingies.
*spreading ego strokey thingies like fairy dust*
Posted by: witchypoo | October 03, 2007 at 04:50 PM
Brilliant child! But have you asked her why she spread peanut butter on the cat? Common response: "I don't know" spoken in a whiny tone with inflexion on "know" like it's an impossibly difficult question. Kids rock!
Posted by: chelle1464 | October 03, 2007 at 06:51 PM
Great post! Love it. 'Nuff sed.
Posted by: Shawn | October 03, 2007 at 08:10 PM
And people think that television is desensitizing our children, when in reality, it's Greek mythology with all of it's penis wagging and skin peeling.
You never disappoint me!
Posted by: loren | October 03, 2007 at 10:40 PM
Sounds like you have one intelligent kid!
Posted by: Chris | October 03, 2007 at 10:59 PM
Your loins have created an intellectual assassin. Do you realize how awesome that is? You need to have your loins bronzed. Yes, it'll probably hurt, stop crying, it's for posterity, stop being so selfish.
Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' | October 03, 2007 at 11:09 PM