I am writing to you in secret. My wife is in the twins' room, reading them bedtime stories, and I've stolen to the basement with my laptop to transcribe a few handwritten notes into a real live blog post. It's November 4th and we close on our new house in just four days. Four days. If my wife knew I was taking time out to post to my blog, I would no longer have a blog. Or fingers with which to type a post to it. We're lucky she hasn't taken this laptop away just as a precaution. Well, not really lucky. I hid it down here in the basement, under the cats' litter box, just in case.
But she'll find it eventually, yes she will, and then our midnight trysts will be over. I'll miss you and I hope to see you on the other side of this move. In the meantime, I thought I'd leave you with what you all come to my site for anyway, a poetry contest.
The Second Annual Haiku Contest to be precise.
The rules are simple. Write a 5-7-5 haiku. Post your haiku. Win a fabulous prize. The haiku must have something to do with children or childrearing in general. You can post as many as you like, the more the merrier.
On Thursday, Nov 8th, I'll post the ten finalists. At that point, I'll open the voting up to you. By Saturday we'll declare a winner. The winner will get one of my Please-Help-Me-Through-Another-Day gift packs: a pound of coffee, a pack of chocolate-covered espresso beans, and a dozen donuts.
I'll get us started with a few of my own.
Someone's in for an Asskicking When His Wife Gets Home
Curly blond tresses
"Looky! I'm a hairdresser!"
All over the floor
Please Bring Back Garanimals
Tiger with tiger
Koala with koala
Nobody goes blind
Two Out of Three Developmental Milestones Ain't Bad
Drink from a real cup
Sleep in a bed with no rails
Poop behind the couch
(Do Not) Kiss Me Goodnight
I kiss him on the cheek
"Take your kiss back!"
I steal it and give it to Timber Bear
Posted by: Kerri | November 04, 2007 at 08:21 PM
The Wonderful World of Disney Princesses
Crappy role models
Girls without spine or substance
Very watchable
Posted by: Amelia | November 04, 2007 at 08:31 PM
oo! oo! I've been waiting all year for this!
I'll be back with the haiku.
Posted by: sasha | November 04, 2007 at 08:32 PM
I kiss Jeffrey on the cheek
"Mom, take your kiss back!"
Timber Bear gets it instead
Posted by: Kerri | November 04, 2007 at 08:38 PM
The Wheels On The Bus
The bus doors open
Joey is sleeping inside
The wheels turn too long
Posted by: kerri | November 04, 2007 at 08:43 PM
Toys in the hallway
Colliding with our footsteps
Curses in the air
Posted by: Kerri Stanley | November 04, 2007 at 08:49 PM
Why God Gave Me Boys
Weekend with the girls
way too many loud screatches
next time bring earplugs!
Posted by: Sharlene | November 04, 2007 at 08:55 PM
Separation
My sweet baby girl
Innocence taken from her
Please Daddy don't go
(ugh, sorry, crappy life at the moment)
A separation
Is time for figuring out
life really does suck
A daughter can love
her mommy so much she wipes
the tears from her eyes
Wow. I better leave before I'm booted out. Parenthood is Happy. And Joyous.
Posted by: WhichBox | November 04, 2007 at 09:03 PM
A Toddler's Sense of Time
a ten minute nap
new toys forgotten in five
two-hour hand wash
Posted by: becky from sc | November 04, 2007 at 09:17 PM
Haiku is a delight
please do not eat that
cheddar cheese off of the floor
thirty seconds passed
i know that giggle
means terrible things are done
don't pee on the dog
shrieking and jumping
i've never seen poop so big
you just lost four pounds
you sing in your sleep
with your sweet soft lilting voice
the alphabet song
all you will eat is
peanut butter and jelly
don't wipe that on me
please sleep for a while
your mother has gone crazy
snip-snip while I sleep
I could do this all night. I'll stop now though.
Posted by: Mike | November 04, 2007 at 09:59 PM
Words I never thought I'd utter
Car keys buried where?
Do not handcuff your brother!
How'd this poop get here?
Posted by: Kelly Anne | November 04, 2007 at 10:52 PM
Hooray for Monday Haiku Trio
Been a long weekend
With your incessant whining
Yay! Work tomorrow
Daylight savings time
Ends, disrupting sleep patterns
Must repeal this law
Spelling quiz Monday
Study hard your sight words
No freak outs, OK?
Posted by: Meredith | November 04, 2007 at 11:06 PM
Bathtime
Three kids in the bath
Sudden shrieks and loud screaming
A large turd floats by
Posted by: Sharon | November 04, 2007 at 11:10 PM
Dyslexic?
Sarah reads her book
But the word "look" becomes "cool"
And bites her backwards
Posted by: Heidi | November 04, 2007 at 11:10 PM
No children here yet
Niece and nephew are enough
Got to go home now
Posted by: Doug Webb | November 04, 2007 at 11:10 PM
Halloween Sugar Withdrawal Blues
Is it dessert night?
Can I have a candy now?
You are not nice mom!
Posted by: Heidi | November 04, 2007 at 11:18 PM
The Homework Mantra
Do you have homework?
Did you do all your homework?
Where is your homework?
(Chant multiple times every school day while frantically searching for field trip permission form and hot lunch money)
Posted by: Heidi | November 04, 2007 at 11:34 PM
Still a Little Fuzzy on Mammal Identification
Looking out window
Smart baby points and says, "Dog!"
Wait, that's a squirrel
Daddy Hopes Her Technique Will Keep the Boys Away
Loves to give kisses
Such an affectionate girl
Hand me napkin, please
Posted by: Arwen | November 05, 2007 at 12:04 AM
I suck at haiku
Count syllables on fingers
Yours are much better
Posted by: witchypoo | November 05, 2007 at 12:06 AM
water water everywhere!
who gave him a sippy cup?
wet, wet shirt must go!
Posted by: riann | November 05, 2007 at 12:45 AM
ok, here's mine:
NO ONE WARNED ME
breaking my pelvis
she shot out like a bullet
it was all worth it
Posted by: Kristin | November 05, 2007 at 03:19 AM
Try a Different Octave, Please
You ask for ice cream
candy, popcorn, and goldfish
Only dogs can hear
Posted by: Amelia | November 05, 2007 at 07:09 AM
It's a Mom Thing
I feel a tingling
Familiar throb of let-down
Oh crap, now I'm drenched
Posted by: Karen | November 05, 2007 at 07:38 AM
Nana's House
We have no rules here
Hurry, eat all the candy
Mama's coming soon
Posted by: debbeeanne | November 05, 2007 at 07:57 AM
Bath Time is Fiber Time
Explain to me, child
Why you eschew all food, yet
Chow down on washcloth
Posted by: Arwen | November 05, 2007 at 09:12 AM