I try to answer my Ask The Dad email in a timely manner, usually within a calendar year of receiving it, but some letters just tend to collect without any response whatsoever. This is especially true about letters on one certain topic. But, since I've got nothing else to write about today, here we go...
Dear The Dad,
Did I miss something? I have been searching the archives for posts on how potty training went. Spill the beans!
Spill the beans? Ask me about potty training again and I'll spill your blood. Next!
Dear The Dad,
I am a SAHM of 28-mo-old b/g twins. What advice do you have for potty training them? How did you do it with your girls? (They are potty trained, right?)
Of course they are potty trained. And they've also brokered a Israeli/Palestinian peace accord and devised a new, clean-burning, reusable fuel source. Tomorrow they are going to repair the hole in the ozone layer with a needle, thread, and a simple country-craft cross-stitch pattern. Next!
Dear The Dad,
How is that potty training coming? I was just curious because my 3 1/2 year old son will only pee in the potty sometimes and then refuses to poo in there. I am ready to ram the nearest sharp object through my head because it is making me insane.
I had never thought of shoving the nearest sharp object through my head. Thank you. That makes much more sense than my original idea. Next!
Dear The Dad,
Now that you're a father and have recently gone through some potty trials, do you view your parents differently?
Do I view my parents differently? Yes, I view them from behind this film of urine and feces that has built up on every surface of my life. Every surface except the potty, that is. Next!
Dear The Dad,
I am about to undergo the trial by fire which is potty training. We only have one toilet in the house, so I need to buy two of those little toddler potties. Any advice on which ones to buy?
Yes. Buy ones that look like the back of this:
Hope this helps,
The Dad
Got a question for The Dad? Email me.
Bitter, much?
Posted by: Swamper | January 17, 2008 at 04:48 PM
I swear potty training is the WORST part of parenting. I HATED potty training. I wanted to rip my hair out and scream, but we finally did it. Still haven't mastered the overnight thing, but as I cherish my sleep and don't like changing the sheets every night, my daughter will be in a pull-up at night for as long as she needs to be.
Posted by: Tracie | January 17, 2008 at 05:21 PM
In a complete satire, non-helpful link: The Secret for potty training your child in one week
Posted by: Justin | January 17, 2008 at 05:40 PM
Ha! I used to go behind our black leather La-Z-Boy chair in 1969! Your girls will truly grow up to be incredibly brilliant and charming women now. :)
Posted by: Finn | January 17, 2008 at 06:13 PM
I am so feeling your pain right now. It f**king SUCKS.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Posted by: BookMamma | January 17, 2008 at 07:15 PM
My mother's secret to potty training is to just not. (My mother has now potty trained 9 kids.) We were all in diapers well into our 3s. Some of us may have hit 4. We all had to beg to be potty trained. She may have been stuck with diapers for much longer (and the most recent set of kids, she had four kids in diapers at the same time) but didn't have many accidents!
Posted by: Julia | January 17, 2008 at 08:29 PM
I never really understood Freud's anal stage until I had kids. Then I realized, it is because potty training is enough to screw a person over for life.
The flaw in Freud's theory is that the screwing is had by the parent's psyche.
Posted by: anne nahm | January 17, 2008 at 09:40 PM
The way you view your parents made me laugh out loud... in hysterical sympathy. We are on the good side of potty training, but only by about two weeks. If she relapses, I may have to hire a professional. Can't imagine doing it with two at the same time. Ugh.
Posted by: Lisa | January 17, 2008 at 09:56 PM
Hilarious! But I'm going to be a party-pooper: Potty training has nothing on what's to come in their teen years. I know-it's really mean of me to bring that up... Seriously though, Looky, Daddy - you rock! I read your blog to put things into perspective - remind myself what I've already made it through. You're the best!
Posted by: annie | January 18, 2008 at 06:50 AM
So should I be looking for an extra-absorbent couch, or one that can be easily wiped off?
Please advise.
Posted by: Slim | January 18, 2008 at 07:57 AM
The Dad,
I had a dream last night (after reading blogs way too late) that you announced on your blog that your wife was pregnant with another set of twins. In fact, when I went to check out this site today, I was very surprised to learn that no announcement had been made. Good luck with PTing the twins.
M
Posted by: melissa | January 18, 2008 at 11:20 AM
I feel for you - I really do. You crack me up.
I think potty training readies us for the nightmare that is adolscent girls. Trust me.
Posted by: Jen M | January 18, 2008 at 11:48 AM
My boys will use the potty every time as long as they are naked. Put clothes on them -- even just undies -- and they'll soak them every time. So, we're thinking we should just join a nudist colony and call it good.
Posted by: DebiD | January 18, 2008 at 11:59 AM
I know this blog entry is about the potty training (I've unintentionally fallen into the "just don't" camp with our near-3-year-old, mostly because she's so obdurate and I wished to reduce the daily doses of screaming)... but I LOVE that purple couch of yours. Hope it cleans easily.
Posted by: Renata | January 18, 2008 at 04:49 PM
Thanks for the laugh. I feel a lot better about our potty training progress.
Posted by: Adria Sha | January 18, 2008 at 06:50 PM
Melissa: A dream my wife was pregnant with more twins? You were, believe it or not, the second person to tell me about a "pregnant with twins" dream last night. Just in case, I slept on the pee-stained couch last night.
Posted by: The Dad | January 19, 2008 at 06:57 AM
Melissa, reading about your dream is going to give me nightmares tonight!
The Dad, because of you I have decided not to bother with potty training my girls. Twins in big-girl panties scare me.
Oh, and I'm NEVER sitting on that couch again.
Posted by: 3-Martini Jennifer | January 19, 2008 at 08:49 PM
better safe than sorry! That's so weird that I wasn't the only one!
Posted by: melissa | January 20, 2008 at 02:26 PM
Ugh...potty training just one was torture enough. I'm not looking forward to two. I think maybe I'll just leave them in diapers till they go away to college, and let their RA train them. Although I am a little sick of being kicked in the sternum when I change their diapers, but at some point they should be able to change their own.
P.S. Everyone says girls potty train so much more easily than boys. That doesn't give me a good feeling.
Posted by: geminimama | January 22, 2008 at 08:54 AM
Our 3-1/2 year old wasn't potty-trained until just after he turned 3. We started when he was 2. And then, he was only pee-potty-trained. Poop came a little later, although he still refuses to wipe. And he still needs a pull-up at bedtime because even if he's completely dehydrated, he will still pee 6 or 8 gallons overnight. Which reminds me, I need to go put his sheets in the dryer from when he overwhelmed his pull-up last night. *sigh*
Posted by: Colleen | January 22, 2008 at 11:14 AM