Even the closed bathroom door could not dampen the exuberance of the voice inside.
"Daddy! Reading on the potty is awesome!"
Like this was an idea on which I'd been trying to sell her for weeks.
Kathryn and toilets have a complicated relationship. Kathryn will never, truly never, sit on a toilet without being told to. She will dance, jog, hop from foot to foot, and squeeze her crotch together with one hand so tightly you'd think her fingers would touch through where her girly bits ought to be before voluntarily sitting her butt down and peeing. But then, when she finally does give in, she will easily spend half an hour or more, sitting there on the john, her business long since finished, just swinging her legs to and fro as they slowly grow cold and numb, doing nothing but consorting with the butterflies in her head.
Until now. Now she reads. She reads fairy books, with titles such as, and I'm not making these up, Jasmine the Present Fairy, Lucy the Diamond Fairy, Polly the Party Fun Fairy, and my personal favorite, Georgia the Guinea Pig Fairy. Kathryn eats these books like candy. Candy for the toilet. Most days now, when I call her down for dinner, she emerges from our one working bathroom, flat on her belly, books gripped in her teeth, and propels herself to the stairs on her elbows because her legs fell asleep somewhere between Katie and Bella, the fairies for cats and bunnies, respectively. And in those moments I am truly the happiest dad in New Jersey.
As the daughter of a writer and an editor, Kathryn resisted reading with the same gusto that a daughter of a preacher resists her virginity. For years, she refused to read anything that didn't have three letters and was "cat," and the idea that she would voluntarily pick up a book to seemed about as remote as her voluntarily picking up a car. Or her dirty clothes. But in the course of one weekend, a weekend that culminated in visiting every library and bookstore in the area for more and more fairy books, (there are dozens of these books and they must--oh yes they must--be read in order, because god knows what chaos would be unleashed if you read the tale of Willow the Wednesday Fairy before Tara the Tuesday Fairy, and I'm still not making these up) Kathryn has finally crossed the border into literacy.
And her butt has the oval indention to prove it.
"As the daughter of a writer and an editor, Kathryn resisted reading with the same gusto that a daughter of a preacher resists her virginity."
You are a funny, funny man.
Posted by: Annabelle | March 18, 2008 at 03:31 PM
One working bathroom??? Are you a glutton for punishment man? You live with FOUR females. 4. I do understand that two of them prefer to go behind the couch. But STILL.
Now that Kathryn has discovered the joys of reading on the toilet until her legs fall asleep and even after that,you need another working bathroom. Or a very large bottle to pee in. And something for The Mom to pee in as well.
Good luck!
Posted by: Laura | March 18, 2008 at 04:02 PM
Ah yes, I remember the must read books in sequence days. My daughter went through that with all of the LHOTP series, the Gerenimo Stilton Books, anything that had multiple sequels had, Had, HAD to be read in the proper order.
Although truth be told, I am the same way once I find an author I like - I have to start with their first book and read them in order of published date. Amazon loves me!
Posted by: Anne Prince | March 18, 2008 at 08:05 PM
The "hogging the john" stage will pass; the rest of you will yank her out of the library, but it's wonderful that she's reading and enjoying it. Watch for light showing under the door after bedtime! I have a Kathryn just like her, even now.
Posted by: Petunia | March 18, 2008 at 08:35 PM
Ha ha ha! My daughter is into the fairy books too-- she even snuck over to the checkout desk and requested an inter-library-loan to get Lucy the Diamond Fairy while I was perusing the mystery section. (At the time it hadn't been published yet)...
We've gotten the jewel fairies, the weather fairies, the special fairies, and now the pet fairies... Damn I wish I had invented the series. I'm an elementary librarian and CANNOT keep these books on the shelves. All the girlies want them.
:)
Posted by: Carin | March 18, 2008 at 08:42 PM
Dude, I freaking LOVE Kathryn. And the butterflies in her head.
Posted by: 3-Martini Jennifer | March 18, 2008 at 09:22 PM
I teach third grade, and know these books too well. Next she'll be on to the A-Z Mysteries. Good luck with that!
Posted by: Amy | March 18, 2008 at 09:29 PM
I just "got" the title of your post. Clever, but I don't think you'll ever jump the shark!
Posted by: Alison | March 18, 2008 at 10:09 PM
We have Gertrude the Guinea Pig fairy here too! A big virtual pat on the head to Catherine - our children are also the progeny of two writer/editors. I know how much it sucks when your kids don't want to read and what an embarrassingly big relief it is when they finally engage. Here we have one down, one to go...I guess we should move story time to the potty!
Posted by: Heidi #2 | March 18, 2008 at 10:12 PM
Why, oh why don't kids just pee when they have to? I swear I spend half my day yelling, "GO TO THE BATHROOM ALREADY!!!"
Posted by: jess | March 18, 2008 at 11:36 PM
Thank GOD the girls are all business when they go, just like mommy. My logic is: I don't get time to read on the john, they shouldn't either.
All's fair in love and potty training.
The titles that got me giggling when I was little: "Everybody Poops" and "Everybody Farts."
Posted by: loren | March 19, 2008 at 01:35 AM
I'm 47 and my husband's most important job recently was finding a light fixture for our new bathroom that offered - and I quote HIM - "enough reading light [for me]."
I love that man!
Katherine - a word of advice: you *do* have to share the bathroom with the rest of the family, so try to remember to get up and move to another location, even if you're "at the good part!"
Posted by: Krys72599 | March 19, 2008 at 07:34 AM
too cute!
Posted by: Nimpipi | March 19, 2008 at 08:10 AM
Even I would rather read books about fairies (of course you read them in order....think of the ongoing narrative) than some other stuff out there. Consider Us magazine, for instance.
Maybe you should try slipping a couple books in the 'Captain Underpants' saga under her pillow. Those. Are amazing. I have actually read one of these on the toilet, cover to cover, laughing all the way, happily numbed below the waist.
Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' | March 19, 2008 at 11:19 AM
my six year old loves the disney fairy chapter books. i hesitated with these, at first (the whole "black hand" of disney thing), but here's what i now love about them, and the reason i will continue to buy them for her: THERE ARE NO PRINCES. in fact, no romance whatsoever. no weddings, no pining, no giving stuff up to get the boy. just adventuresome girls, having adventures, adventurously. with great accessories.
Posted by: Lisa T | March 19, 2008 at 12:33 PM
Maggie (4 1/2) had to be CARRIED from the bathroom when the ToysRus Big Sale Book came out this Christmas. She can't "read", but man! Can that kid look at pictures and yell, "I WANT THAT!!"
Yep, 127 pages of sharpie-marker circled items, and 45 minutes later, she had the perfect outline on the backs of her thighs. Her legs were completely asleep.
Is it wrong that I laughed at her when she tried to stand up & almost fell flat on her face?
Posted by: Catizhere | March 19, 2008 at 01:54 PM
She's right-- reading on the toilet is AWESOME*! High-five her for me!
* It's only gotten more awesome now that it's my only peaceful sanctuary**.
** That's right-- my comment has footnotes.
Posted by: LiteralDan | March 19, 2008 at 02:01 PM
I like it that my comment will be arriving after "LiteralDan," since it scans so nicely with "LesbianDad" (my nom de blog, for anyone who mightn't have clicked the little link thingy on my name).
I also have to agree with LiteralDan.
And congratulate you on your oval-indented girlie's newfound love, the printed word. Even if it was ferried to her by fairies.
About which: why in the Sam Hill wasn't "Polly the Party Fun Fairy" your favorite title? It so is mine, right this very instant, and I haven't even seen the whole laundry list of fairy titles.
Posted by: Polly | March 19, 2008 at 02:27 PM
Mmmmm, toilet candy. And, aren't you glad you're not a preacher?
Posted by: Tammy | March 19, 2008 at 03:03 PM
A post with "butt" "virginity" "toilet" and "fairy." Hellooooooo Google!
Posted by: becky from sc | March 19, 2008 at 03:37 PM
Hey Looky, Daddy! I already commented with well, comments that were relevent to this post. Now I've come back to share. Thought you and your readers would find this funny. I did.
Why Peeps are Evil:
http://annenahm.com/?p=403
Anne Nahm sure has a lot of time on her hands and aren't we lucky that she does?
Posted by: Laura | March 19, 2008 at 07:33 PM
Ohhh...I loved it when Jake's love affair with books began. Now it's a full blown obsession (hee).
I hope you have more will power then I do in a Chapters store. Jake always knows he can sucker me into books.
Posted by: Scattered Mom | March 19, 2008 at 10:04 PM
I have a child like that. She can't really read yet, but she'll sit there with a newspaper, book, or whatever. Just cuz it's what the grown-up's do. LOL
Posted by: Brandi | March 19, 2008 at 11:58 PM
Dude, if she discovers your stash of Sports Illustrated mags in there (c'mon, you're male, you know you keep some in the john), you are SO toast. She'll never come out. Unless, of course, you start quizzing her on stats.
Posted by: Diane | March 20, 2008 at 09:35 AM
My 12 year old occasionally STILL resists the urge to use the facilities until he's told. I've gotten so skilled at knowing when to order him to the lavatory that I can tell from the cadence of his footsteps alone that he needs to pee-even if he's upstairs and I'm on the first floor. My husband is baffled by this skill.
Posted by: Amy the Mom | March 21, 2008 at 12:23 PM