The Best Post I Will Write this Year

There was a brief moment when I thought we had made a mistake.

The island of Long Caye is a two-and-a-half hour boat ride from Belize City. That's two and a half hours of sitting in a small boat across open sea, crashing over tall waves, slamming back down, sloshing back and forth, the hot Caribbean sun beating down upon a New-Jersey-pale body. But that's not when I thought we'd made the mistake. That's when I thought I was in heaven. That boat could have pounded itself to timbers, pitching us all into the crystal blue sea, and I would have whooped and hollered all the whole way down. My worry had long since evaporated by then.

The boat travels to Long Caye twice a week, Wednesday and Saturday morning. Late Friday night in a bar in Belize City, we met with the representative of the company that ran the boat. She was a nervous and jumpy woman. She told us to keep a life jacket within an arm's reach while we went out. Her exact words were, "We've never lost a boat. But when they go down, they go down fast." Then she told us how lucky we were, because the company had recently bought a new boat, one much better than the old boat. She didn't tell us why they bought the new boat. That was still not the moment I thought we'd made a mistake. We were in a bar in Belize City, drinking beer from a bottle that had a Mayan temple on the label. The label even said "MAYAN TEMPLE," like the brewers had been asked one too many times what the hell it was they printed on their beer. How could any of this be a mistake?

The time I was worried about was a few hours before that, while we were waiting to check in to our hotel. Because the boat to Long Caye, the new boat to Long Caye, left early Saturday morning, we had to spend Friday night in a hotel in Belize City. And it was the person checking in before us who was the cause of my worry. He needed ESPN2. No, not ESPN, he told the woman working reception. ESPN2. ESPN-TWO. EEE ESS PEE ENN TWO. Did she not know the difference? Did the hotel not have it? It's ESPN2. He had it at home, and he wanted it here. And for a brief moment, I began to think that maybe my wife and I should have saved our money and stayed home in New Jersey with the kids. Because my kids may be a challenge on some days, most days, but at least they are not jackasses. Red-faced, bermuda-short-wearing jackasses.

But the man was a blip, a tiny bump, heard from once and then never again. The scene he caused when he learned that no ESPN2 would be coming out of his TV and that maybe he should turn it off and go outside and see Belize instead was mercifully short and I even made a few bucks off it by betting with Sharon that the back of the man's already impressively sunburnt neck would grow two shades redder before the exchange was through.

"No way," she whispered back. "It would burst into flame."

But she was wrong, and the four bucks I won from her paid for our beers later that night. Two dollars per Mayan temple.

We spent almost a week on the island of Long Caye, an island on the southeastern rim of Glover's Reef. The island was small and rustic and pristine. The water we drank was collected rainwater. What power there was was generated by solar panels. There was an old butane-fueled refrigerator in the kitchen stocked down one side with the 200 different kinds of Fanta and down the other with the beer the boat had brought from the mainland Saturday morning. They still hadn't gotten cold by the time we left. Nobody cared.

The island was delightfully, ridiculously small. It could be crossed, eastern shore to western shore, in forty-nine seconds. I timed it. I actually took a short video of myself running from one side of the island to the other with the intention of posting it here, but I now know I needed to have learned a bit more about how to run with a camera before attempting such a feat. I watched the video a few minutes ago and had the distinct and queasy feeling I was on the old boat to Long Caye just seconds before the need to buy the new boat arose. Oh well.

There were no radios, no cell phones, no TV/DVD players brought out in the evening to waste time and pass minutes. There were no minutes to pass. For two hours every evening while we were there, my wife and I watched the sun set. We watched it. We sat our butts in two wooden beach chairs and watched the sun burn into the ocean. We moved only to get fresh beers or to scoot our chairs closer to each other. Even when they were touching, we still tried to move them closer to each other.

The sun took all two hours to set. It moves slowly, our sun, but had it taken three, we would have watched it for three. Around five o'clock each day, as the afternoon light began to deepen and the colors of the island softened, one of us would look at the other and announce our need to go and start watching it. We said it like this:

"It's getting late. Must be time to watch ESPN2."

Comments

[Victoria]

I am so in love with you and your wife right now.

[Jones]

So I take it the "new" boat wasn't so new?!?

[Cinthia]

Hey at least YOUR boat didn't come across a dead body which we then had to follow for two hours (because apparently Costa Rican coast guards finish their coffee before heading out to fish a poor drowned guy out of the water).

But my surreal experience aside, I just wanted to say that I've lurked a bit and read, and laughed A LOT, and though I'm a random stranger, I feel really happy that you got this wonderful alone time with your wife. I hope you guys can vacation together again soon.

[Max]

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

[Heidi #2 but whose counting...]

Okay, you have done it - you have made me insanely, tears in the corners of my eyes, green with envy, jealous. And I have never been so sick in my life as I have been while you were gone. Must be the envy eating me alive from the inside out. Okay it was strep too. I am not sure I can forgive you for having THIS much fun while the rest of us are stuck with our ho-hum lives, but I will try : )

[Anne Prince]

Bliss

[Tammy]

That. Sounds. Awesome.

[Chickenpig]

Aaaaah....It sounds like absolute heaven. Do you think they have ESPN 2 in heaven??? Just had to ask. Right now I'm crazy to know what the hell that guy had to see that was so damn important. Stupid fool.

[Beth]

Wonderful! Do it again, Daddy!

[3-Martini Jennifer]

Awww, shucks, that was so sweet!

[Diane]

Fantastic. Absolutely FANTASTIC. May you two inspire legions of other moms and dads to rekindle their love.

Speaking of which, promise yourselves here and now, if you haven't done so already, that you two will never, ever, EVER wait that long to take care of yourselves again. You're too important to one another--and especially to your gorgeous, sweet girls. Date nights, weekend getaways, whatever you can do: DO IT. More power to you both!

[You can call me, 'Sir']

Yep. That's a vacation.

[R]

How fabulous!! Everyone needs a little ESPN2 in their lives now and then, eh?

[Brian]

Oops, sorry, Jones. I got a little quote happy in the post. They're gone now. Perhaps it wasn't the best post after all. Now I'll just have to go back to Belize and try again.

[LiteralDan]

Maybe that won't be the best post you write all year (it can't all be downhill from April, can it??), but it was a damn good one.

Makes me want to go here:
[Belize]

[Angela]

It sounds like the perfect getaway. I am so glad you didn't let ESPN2 guy get to you. Maybe his head did explode and catch on fire once he found out Fox and CNN wasn't available either?

[sara]

ahhhhh. i now appreciate that sunset setting over that island & i wasn't even there. i am preparing for my hubs to go to ghana for EIGHTEEN days without me. yes, 18 days of single parenthood. i'll be in need of lots of beers--- too bad i won't have that sunset to go with them.

[Colleen]

that was beautiful!

I can't wait until we get a chance to go was ESPN2 sans kids. Too bad I can't go with him to Alaska in a few weeks...I hear the sunsets from the Arctic Circle are phenomenal. Instead, I will be here, lurking, drinking, and managing my two rugrats for 8 days. I will also welcome some zuccini bread from Sharon. Also wine.

[Marianne]

Ohhhh...that sounds like the perfect vacation for me. So glad you two had a lovely time watching ESPN2! ;-)

[Danielle-Lee]

I'm green with envy, even on Earth day.

[marisa]

Oh, my! That sounds *so* lovely. For all of us now dreaming enviously of island vacations, do you have a link to the place you stayed?

[Amanda]

I'm such a sucker. My favorite part:
"We moved only to get fresh beers or to scoot our chairs closer to each other. Even when they were touching, we still tried to move them closer to each other."
Ahhhhhh....

[Hatchet]

That sounded lovely. I'm glad you were able to steal away and get closer. And closer still.

[Meg]

That sounds divine. I'm so glad you enjoyed your trip. The girls must be thrilled to have you back.

[Joy]

That sounds wonderful, calm, peaceful, beautiful, relaxing, gorgeous, fantastically child-free, romantic...hmmm...romantic. You did remember to, um, bring, er, protection, right? Because I'm thinking ONE baby around 7 years ago, TWO babies around 3 years ago, that means that around one year from now...OMG I can't even say it. Just tell me you were careful.