Your Days Are None the Better For What You Have Done

I woke up this morning at about 6:30 AM and I rubbed my eyes. They hurt. Everything near them hurt as well. They would continue to hurt until coffee was brewed.

There was a noisy queue for our house's single toilet and I joined it at the end. Everyone in front of me was wearing footed pajamas. Two-thirds of them asked to have their butts wiped. Two-thirds of them were disappointed. No one flushed. The water in the bowl was impossibly yellow by the time it was my turn. I told myself not flushing was better for the environment, then I made the water even more yellow. The sight of it would have surely burned my eyes had not closed them against the pain.

Three pairs of pajamas were exchanged for three sets of school clothes. Some people thought this was a better idea than others. Protests were made and ignored. I poured three bowls of cereal: Two bowls Frosted Mini-Wheats, one bowl Cheerios.

Later, school lunches and backpacks were passed out and shoes were wrestled on. I handed the car keys to Lila. It was her turn to hide them. Each morning, one child gets to run out first, unlock the car, and hide the keys somewhere inside. That's my way of ensuring at least one of my children goes to the car voluntarily. I can sling the other two over my shoulders if I need to. Even the eight-year-old. Lila always hides the keys in the glove box. I always know this, and she always knows I'll check at least five other places before I find them. This morning, when I opened the glove box, she screamed with joy at her own cleverness.

Nothing that happened this morning was affected by California passing Proposition 8. Had voters rejected it instead, my morning would have been identical. Proposition 8 has not touched me. Making gay marriage illegal in California has left me unaffected. My days haven't changed.

But listen, 52% of California: Back when gay marriage was legal, your days didn't change, either. When there was marriage equality in your state, your mornings transpired exactly the way they had before. Your head probably hurt before your morning coffee. Your kids probably protested getting dressed. It's even possible that your daughter also hid your keys in your glove box, and when gay marriage was legal, she still squealed with joy when you found them.

You didn't need to vote away a people's right. Your days are none the better for it. Your days are none the better for what you have done.

Comments

[Shana]

As always, very well said.

[Allison]

So disappointing, isn't it?

Very eloquently put.

[Jamie]

This is so so true -
and so well said -

It's distressing to me too - and it doesn't affect me at all.

[Robyn]

What surprises me most is that people who voted for Obama must have voted for Prop 8. WTF?

I was so sure this would not pass. I thought we had made progress, that people were not really still like this.

It was a shock to realize I am still that naive. Love this post.

[Carolyn]

I love when I stop by here, and what you begin with sounds like the setup to a great story with a punchline, and instead it makes me think and also makes my eyes tear up a little bit. (and sometimes a lot.)

Well said. I still do love the punchlines though.

[Brian]

My eyes teared up, too, Carolyn, but I think it was the fumes from the toilet.

And there's your punchline.

[Jen]

You've taken my breath away. What a powerful post. I wish everyone who voted for prop 8 could read it.

[Burgh Baby]

Perhaps one of your best posts ever.

[Stacia]

As I've said before, imagine where our country would be today if certain states had amended their constitutions rather than accept racially mixed marriages, desegregation, or the end of slavery.

There was a time when this country understood that the system was set up to protect the rights of minorities, which is why issues like this were not ever meant to be determined by a popular vote.

[Megan]

I've been trying to find a way to sum this all up, and you just did it for me. Beautiful post.

[Keryn]

That was heart-wrenching.

[Mywholelife]

Amen, brother. I imagine that many of those voters didn't even know gay marriage was legal for a little while there. My friends and I console ourselves that this could very well be the last frontier of civil rights...but it's hard to watch people hurt, and Prop 8 was personal, no matter how anyone spins it.

[Twice Five Miles]

Brilliant post. This is what I've been trying to put into words for so long; of course you did it better than I could!

[Beth Nixon]

Amen.

My days are the same.

Except my heart hurts at how people can think passing such a measure does any good.

One day . . . I have hope . . . one day we will know that who my neighbor loves doesn't change how much I hate making lunches. Or how sweet it is to get a hug from my daughter. Or how hard it is to find four shoes when we are running 10 minutes late.

One day.

[Sybil Vane]

Thank you for this; I find it beautiful.

[Miss Britt]

Oh my God, this is beautiful.

[FireMom]

What a poignant post. Sad that it is a necessary one as well, isn't it?

Kudos.

[Jordan]

Wow, and I hadn't teared up in at least an hour, when I read my eleventy millionth article on Obama. I was doing pretty well until I landed here. And now I have to go post this on Facebook, too. Don't you know I have coffee to drink and kids home from school to ignore?

Damn you, LookyDaddy.

[kristen]

wonderfully written.

[Rattling the Kettle]

But, think of the children! Without Prop 8 passing, they would have gone around thinking that everyone has the same basic rights. Is that really the kind of world you want to raise them in?

[zenmom]

This was beautiful and eloquent. Thank you so much for sharing it.

[Michelle]

Well put...

[Kelsi]

Yes. My joy at seeing that the country pulled together to vote for Barack Obama was overshadowed by my shame and anger that my own state, one that I had always believed was on the side of equality, tolerance and freedom, voted in favor of Prop 8.

[Emma]

Sent by Burgh Baby. I'm in awe. Amazing words.

[feefifoto]

Wow, Daddy, this one took me completely off guard. Well said and well reasoned. Unfortunately, I kind of doubt that the people you really wanted to reach would be reading this piece, and if they did they'd turn up their noses.

I think it's coming. If we can elect a black president, fair and equal treatment for gays might be coming. Let's hope so.