Maximum Frown

I was at my doctor the other day, trying to come up with the right way to explain to him that my digestive system isn't working the way it should, which is a tricky thing to do because you want to convey the seriousness of any discomfort you may be experiencing but at the same time you want to have as few things in your ass by the end of the appointment as possible, when a poster for Botox caught my eye:

 

It had the caption "Unretouched clinical photos taken at maximum frown before BOTOX Cosmetic and 30 days after BOTOX Cosmetic treatment."

And as I looked at the photo, I couldn't help but ask myself, "But what about the children?" Seriously, if that were me at maximum frown, how would my children know the beatings were about to begin? I mean, it's one thing to be chased around the house by the person in the top picture, right? But the person in the bottom picture? That would be downright terrifying. Like an android. Or a serial killer.

My kids wouldn't even know to start running.

Comments

[whall]

Are you sure it wasn't an ad for OhNotox? It's big with the anger management crowd.

[Karly]

Seriously? Why would they even ADVERTISE the maximum frown with no wrinkles? You're SUPPOSED to have wrinkles when you frown. That's just wrong, man.

[Beth Nixon]

I don't say this very often.

But, seriously, that had me LOL. I don't even like typing it. But I just snorted soda all over my keyboard.

Thanks.

[3-Martini Jennifer]

That chick still looks evil in the bottom picture. Check out her eyes. Scary.

[Mauigirl]

It is indeed an unnatural thing!

[Jenn]

Was that an ad for Botox, or something to warn people off of using it?

[Kat]

Ha. I saw those pics and thought about my husband. How would he know if he'd really pissed me off this time, or if I was just joking around? Sometimes it's only thte mean eyes that makes these people understand "No, you cannot paint the chairs green with a marker!" or "Leave the milk out overnight one more time and you're walking to the store for more"... you know? Just doesn't work with smiley eyes.

[kirida]

Yes, but the botox will come in handy when you eventually start playing poker with your kids and they won't know that you're about to OWN THEM. It'll teach them not to gamble with their allowance.

[Elizabeth]

Fantastic post. Truly. Thanks.

[Jo]

I'm not sure what digestive problems you have, and you have my sympathy, even without knowing. I have IBS and it was a long, painful, invasive (wretched things with an electronic eyeball, gawking around in my ass - much like a horror movie, really) process for them to diagnose.

Now that I've lifted your spirits..

I see agree with you, re the Botox! My kids need the 'Mom-eye', complete with arched eyebrow, furrowed brow, to let them know that because they made my fat ass get out of the comfee desk chair, someone is getting beat with my flip-flop.

[MetroDad]

On the other hand, maybe Botox could keep the kids on their toes. They'd never know what you were thinking so they'd be on their best behavior. It could be the Terminator Method of Parenting™.

P.S. Baseball season is upon us. Let's hit up a Mets game this summer. We'll grab Doug also. His kids are in serious danger of becoming Yankee fans. Time for an intervention!

[Kari]

The Strokes said it best: "Your eyeballs don't change, it's the muscles around your eyes". They're talking about smiles, but the same goes for Mom glares, too. Why would anyone want to mess with the Mom (or Dad) glare?? Just so wrong!

[Lindsay]

Yeah. Botox is for AFTER the kids go to college. If you get it before, you will just need more and more botox, because you cannot keep from getting wrinkles with kids around. At least you have someone sticking a syringe full of poison in your head to look forward to someday.

[Burgh Baby]

I swear that when started reading and saw the pics, I thought for sure you were going to say that the photos of you before and you after the little digestive problem was resolved. Why get Botox when sometimes you really just need to poop?

[Sallie]

I don't know who she's kidding with that lightweight frowny face. I can frown better than that even without kids around. Plus, she has no forehead wrinkles in the before shot. If you can't frown when your kids are acting up people will think you're in a land far, far away---and some ugly rumors about substances will start!

[Miss Britt]

Funny. My first thought was "but does it work if you aren't asian?"

[Sadia]

Oh wow ... I'd be crippled as a parent if I didn't have "angry face".

[Olivia]

Why is the inability to move your face so popular these days? I don't get it!

[red pen mama]

Getting rid of deep forehead wrinkles would be a good thing, I think. Getting rid of facial expression on the other hand: bad. Reminds me of the Scrubs where Jordan had to knee Perry in the b*lls to let him know she was angry. We don't want that now.

ciao,
rpm

[Becky]

Still laughing. Perhaps your funniest post ever. Perhaps.

[Scientific Chick]

It seems most people think it was a chick on the pictures. Totally looks like a man to me.
Still funny, either way.

[Ben]

I know what having digestive problems are like. It'd be cool if there was a Botox for my intestines to straighten those out as well. Cool observation.

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Yeah, Botox is definitely for when they're a little older. When they can outrun you and need less warning.

[John]

I think it would be great to get Botox. It would teach my kids to stay on their toes. BTW, that chick on the masthead looks totally pissed. Is it because I've been naughty?

[Kritter Krit]

I'm confused. Does getting Botox not only straighten out your Angry Face, but also change your gender? Looks like a dude up top, and a girl on bottom. Huh.

Stinkin' hilarious post. You had me at ass.