So apparently, when your child's behavior is controlled by anti-seizure meds, you're not supposed to yell at her for it. Which sucks. As a general rule, my parenting style is pretty straight forward: Misbehavior met with swift retribution. I learned it from God. But now I'm being asked by paid professionals to greet Kathryn's uncontrolled bursts of anger with "understanding" and "redirecting," even though the only thing I can think of to redirect her toward is the television and the reminder that the cable that came free with our house probably won't be free much longer.
On Saturday, Kathryn asked if we would paint her room blue. I don't blame her for asking. Right now her room is pink. We didn't paint it pink; it came that way. Just like the bathroom came pink-ish. I try not to think about it too much. Still, nobody had planned to keep Kathryn's room pink for the past year and a half, least of all Kathryn, but since the room is not a Webkinz, Kathryn kept forgetting to talk about it with us. Until Saturday, that is, when she said she wanted it painted blue.
She wasn't angry when she made her request, which caught my attention, but I told her no anyway since I like to stick with what I know. Kathryn didn't ask again, but the rest of the day, Kathryn kept coming out with these bizarre statements, like "I need a snack because I saw orange," or "I'm hyper because of my red shirt," and it didn't take more than 73 of those before I figured out what was going on: Some hippie must have gone to her school and given the colors-and-feelings speech. Damn hippies.
"Kathryn," I asked in a quiet moment, and by quiet I mean the ten minutes between ice cream trucks passing outside, "why do you want to paint your room blue?"
"Because blue makes you calm." Kathryn looked at me. "I thought maybe if my room was blue, I might not get angry so much." She batted her eyelashes exactly once.
You might be thinking at this point that I'm a good dad, trying to do what little is in my power to give Kathryn some more control over her wild emotions, but the way I figure it, I'm just a second coat away from getting to yell again.
That's one smart cookie you've got there.
Posted by: schmutzie | June 17, 2009 at 10:21 AM
Pretty color and hope it works ...
Posted by: Elizabeth_K | June 17, 2009 at 10:28 AM
Go Brian go. Whether or not the hippies are full of it, I'm betting the fact that you painted the room blue will help: Blue is the color of dad loves me. Blue is the color of some things I believe could help me can in fact come to pass.
Posted by: Anne Aunt | June 17, 2009 at 10:29 AM
The steroids my 6 year old takes for her asthma make her a little uncontrollable ball of rage. It is so hard not to remember that it is not really "her" when she is throwing a weeping-screaming-kicking fit about absolutely nothing. And then she says "Why do I feel so angry inside?" and breaks your heart. Hope that the blue room works wonders for you all!
Posted by: Angela | June 17, 2009 at 10:45 AM
Another great post. And just in case you were worried; Kathryn's gonna be OK. She's clearly got you figured out.
PS, the room is Smurf-tastic! :-)
Posted by: Shnerfle | June 17, 2009 at 11:17 AM
Will you be painting your room blue too? My room is burnt orange which might explain a lot.
p.s. Could you ask Kathryn what color to paint my son's room to make him stop waking up at 5 a.m.?
Posted by: Vikki | June 17, 2009 at 11:26 AM
Wow, that's a beautiful Carribean blue! Makes you calm AND happy! And I agree, damn those hipies :-)
What a great Dad, I'm so glad you did this for her.
Posted by: Amy | June 17, 2009 at 11:38 AM
That's just a bit more electric than our bedroom and I'm extremely calm when I'm in there. Maybe it's because our room is terra incognita to our kids.
You'll also be happy to know a phrase of on or the other of your twins has come to be used daily at our house. Whenever one of our twins comes out with something that makes absolutely no sense, my wife or I will turn to one another and say, "Sometimes it just rains rocks." The have the misfortune of having more intelligent older siblings as well...
Posted by: John | June 17, 2009 at 11:59 AM
Medication and adolescence. Been there. Hard to know what's driving the emotional roller coaster. I do see one problem though. She can now send YOU to HER room when YOU get angry.
Posted by: Sara | June 17, 2009 at 12:00 PM
that's a beautiful color! i lurve.
y'know, sometimes i start feeling so sad for what katherine has been forced to deal with, but then you're so damn funny and she proves how crazy smart she is, and i laugh and i can't feel sad anymore. more like i admire how well you all handle it, esp. katherine.
Posted by: karishma | June 17, 2009 at 12:25 PM
oh damn, i knew i was spelling her name wrong! gah, sorry!
Posted by: karishma | June 17, 2009 at 12:27 PM
Watching blue walls is better for her than watching television. Take my word for it.
Posted by: Scientific Chick | June 17, 2009 at 12:41 PM
Jewelry makes me feel so calm. I feel sexy when I wear new jewelry and think you look sexy, too. I want to clean more when I have new earrings. A new necklace keeps me from working late.
Posted by: The Mom | June 17, 2009 at 01:05 PM
Oh, The Mom, how I love your posts!
The oldest has half light yellow and half not yet painted (white) but will be dark yellow (we're all artsy with our two-colours!), the youngest has blue. The oldest is our little emotional rollercoaster, the youngest is (mostly) the calm, watchful one (and sneaky!!). Maybe blue is calming to anger, but watch out for Kathryn to get *really* sneaky.
(Seriously. What 2yr old little boy knows to turn the knob to shut the door quietly before rampaging his parents bedroom?)
Posted by: Kelly | June 17, 2009 at 01:15 PM
Another great post, once again Kathryn proves how her smarts are intact despite meds and anger...and you give another example of what a great Dad you are.
I also love THe Mom's comments - wish I had a man to try them on!
Posted by: allmycke | June 17, 2009 at 01:48 PM
Perfect retort by The Mom (big, sparlin' jewelry!!!), cleaning coffee off the monitor. Again. I just wanted to mention how great the back of your head looks too. No male pattern issues going on there...you ol' fox. Have a great father's day, you earned it in heaps this year.
Posted by: Kelly | June 17, 2009 at 02:20 PM
Oh yeah, sky blue - very pretty! I am with Anne Aunt, she will always remember how you did that for her to help her and associate the color with love.
And I'm cracking up over The Mom's comment - doesn't it work that way for all of us!
Posted by: reen | June 17, 2009 at 03:01 PM
Aw, bless her heart.
Posted by: Hautemama | June 17, 2009 at 03:09 PM
The Mom cracks me up. Good thing Kathryn asked for blue walls and not a blue Mustang or I would have suspected collusion between the ladies of the house. :)
Posted by: Katie in MA | June 17, 2009 at 03:46 PM
: ) that's really sweet.... I do believe it will work
Posted by: Heidi number 2 but whose counting... | June 17, 2009 at 04:43 PM
I think you are an amazing dad who tempers your frustrations with absolute humor and great perspective!!!
I also think that your girls (the mom included) have you figured out well..... the mom is a definite "keeper". Her humor rivals your own!!!
Happy Father's Day Brian!
Posted by: Tracy | June 17, 2009 at 05:11 PM
You can't fool me. You're a good dad.
Posted by: Jen | June 17, 2009 at 05:49 PM
Clearly, you are a great Dad, and an extremely good writer. This story has a classic, beautiful shape, perfect for the emotions it expresses.
Posted by: Raphael | June 17, 2009 at 06:35 PM
Oh, The Mom, you are one funny lady!
And Dad, that paint job is fantastic. Exactly what that room needed.
Posted by: 3-Martini Jennifer | June 17, 2009 at 07:24 PM
I agree with Anne Aunt. Blue will always be the color of Dad loves me.
You are a fantastic parent. And it's not because you painted her room blue. It's because you thought about why she wanted it blue and then ASKED her why she wants her room to be blue. And you talked to her about it.
You talk with yout kids and you actually listen. Nothing else you do will top that.
Posted by: Laura | June 18, 2009 at 12:48 AM