So apparently, when your child's behavior is controlled by anti-seizure meds, you're not supposed to yell at her for it. Which sucks. As a general rule, my parenting style is pretty straight forward: Misbehavior met with swift retribution. I learned it from God. But now I'm being asked by paid professionals to greet Kathryn's uncontrolled bursts of anger with "understanding" and "redirecting," even though the only thing I can think of to redirect her toward is the television and the reminder that the cable that came free with our house probably won't be free much longer.
On Saturday, Kathryn asked if we would paint her room blue. I don't blame her for asking. Right now her room is pink. We didn't paint it pink; it came that way. Just like the bathroom came pink-ish. I try not to think about it too much. Still, nobody had planned to keep Kathryn's room pink for the past year and a half, least of all Kathryn, but since the room is not a Webkinz, Kathryn kept forgetting to talk about it with us. Until Saturday, that is, when she said she wanted it painted blue.
She wasn't angry when she made her request, which caught my attention, but I told her no anyway since I like to stick with what I know. Kathryn didn't ask again, but the rest of the day, Kathryn kept coming out with these bizarre statements, like "I need a snack because I saw orange," or "I'm hyper because of my red shirt," and it didn't take more than 73 of those before I figured out what was going on: Some hippie must have gone to her school and given the colors-and-feelings speech. Damn hippies.
"Kathryn," I asked in a quiet moment, and by quiet I mean the ten minutes between ice cream trucks passing outside, "why do you want to paint your room blue?"
"Because blue makes you calm." Kathryn looked at me. "I thought maybe if my room was blue, I might not get angry so much." She batted her eyelashes exactly once.
You might be thinking at this point that I'm a good dad, trying to do what little is in my power to give Kathryn some more control over her wild emotions, but the way I figure it, I'm just a second coat away from getting to yell again.
I am so fucking over ice cream trucks. TURN THAT SHIT OFF YOU COCKSUCKERS!@!
Posted by: Sam | June 18, 2009 at 05:00 AM
That the last comment on the previous page is almost poetic about what a great father I am and the one directly following is all ice cream trucks are cocksuckers is what I love about this blog.
And by the way, only one of those comments is true.
Posted by: Brian | June 18, 2009 at 07:53 AM
Hi Brian,
You're a fantastic dad. Happy Father's Day to you!! :)
~Robyn
Posted by: Robyn | June 18, 2009 at 10:21 AM
Hmm. Maybe I should paint their walls some kind of colour beyond bland off-white. That might explain why the whole of one wall is a kind of giant Miro-esque ballpoint squiggle built up over three years.
Been reading your blog over the last couple weeks - your outer patience (and honesty over your inner states) is quite humbling.
Posted by: dadwhowrites | June 18, 2009 at 03:41 PM
I should not read this stuff all 8 months pregnant and emotional. Now I gotta go explain to the Hubbs why I'm weepy and want to paint out bedroom blue.
Posted by: Justjill | June 19, 2009 at 08:35 AM
The ice cream truck comment has me baffled. I think that comment poster is probably in a padded room...possibly painted a calming, psych ward green. Which is kind of the color I painted our twins bedroom, institutional green. It's called "quiet nest". The blue of Kathryn's room is a little...bold...to seem calming, but it is certainly cheerful. Kathryn could definitely use some cheer. Pray tell, what is the name of her paint choice? The color names always make me laugh. Wait...I'll give it a shot. "Caribbean sky?"
Posted by: Chickenpig | June 19, 2009 at 02:10 PM
Oh, my. What a sweet kiddo you have.
Posted by: Cherlyn V | June 19, 2009 at 04:05 PM
You rock dad.
Posted by: Emily Aloha | June 19, 2009 at 09:27 PM
Chickenpig (and others), the name was, I believe, Costa Rican Blue. But the hallway that leads to the room is "toasted oatcake."
Posted by: Brian | June 20, 2009 at 12:42 AM
That is a really nice shade of blue. Kathryn rocks! That is so awesome that she is so articulate and that you really listen.
Posted by: Angela | June 20, 2009 at 06:36 AM
you ARE a great dad!
Posted by: Susannah | June 20, 2009 at 07:55 AM
That's actually a lovely shade of blue. When I remodeled my house, I repainted my room blue for the same reason, but the color turned out to be a little darker than I thought it was, so now I yell at the dogs every morning, then start to sob.
You really have to be careful with colors.
Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' | June 22, 2009 at 09:18 AM
I agree that whether or not color really affects our moods, it very well may have a placebo effect on your daughter. As long as she feels that blue is calming, it may work for her. Plus she might feel that daddy values her opinion because you took her suggestion.
Posted by: baby nursery decoration | June 22, 2009 at 04:21 PM
LookyDaddy: You are an absolute gem, willing to try anything (even begrudgingly) to give your daughter the conditions to make her current life challenges easier to bear. A friend of mine has a child (who was already developmentally special needs) who now bears a diagnosis of the rarer-ESES/CSWS epilepsy... and the terrible heavy meds that go with it! One of the helpful pieces of advice she received recently is to think of the child as a 'drunk' during the all-too-frequent willful/disinhibited phases: and kids make TERRIBLE drunks! It doesn't change the behavior challenges, but has given her a better lens through which to view it.
Hang in there. And by the way, I've just bestowed upon you the 'honest scrap' award, (the blog version of chain letter disguised as a compliment), because after all this time, yours is one of the very few blogs that keeps me reading...
http://ifnotnowwhen.typepad.com/all/2009/06/awwwwwwww-im-a-winner-and-you-can-be-too-.html
You don't have to do anything with it, but I wanted you to know that you touch people's lives far beyond what you might have ever imagined.
Cheers, V.
Posted by: Viaggiatore | June 24, 2009 at 09:42 AM
"since the room is not a Webkinz, Kathryn kept forgetting to talk about it with us"
Hilarious!!
Posted by: . | June 24, 2009 at 02:01 PM