Eating Crayons, Pooping Rainbows

This is my last post for Looky, Daddy!

I've written this post many times over the past few months. I've written it like a guy composing a breakup speech to his girlfriend for no real defensible reason except that when he's not with her, he finds himself composing breakup speeches to her. Which is not a good sign, no matter how hot she is.

Blogs are incredibly time-consuming. Or at least they are if you spend thirty minutes writing a post and then two days obsessing over it: Reading the comments, rereading the comments, reading the post, wondering if you're still funny anymore, calling your mom to ask her what she thought of the post, scanning the Internet for blogs that say the post changed their life. It's the very definition of irony: Letting your kids watch TV so they won't bother you as you search the web for references of what a good dad you are. And don't even get me started about Twitter.

I've had more fun that possibly imaginable writing this blog. True fun. And most of that fun is because of you guys. Some of you I know, others of you I've met, but most of you I only know by your email addresses or the names you use to comment or your IP addresses because I copy those down and keep them in a database and why doesn't 70.111.15.13 visit the site anymore? Is she okay? Someone should drive by her house and make sure. You guys are the reason this site continued past its 30-day free trial, and I will, in all seriousness, miss the connection I have made with all of you, especially the ones who sent me all the coffee.

When I was a kid, I had a dog that ate crayons. He ate crayons and then pooped them out as rainbows, and that, to a large extent, is what I've tried to do here. I've tried to take the raw ingredients of childhood, digest them, and turn them into something colorful and shit-filled. In fact, if there were better words to carve onto Looky, Daddy!'s tombstone than "Colorful and Shit-Filled," I don't know what they would be. But this month marks my third year to do this, and to me, three years is a long time to fill the Internet with shit.

Not that I'm done pooping on the Interwebs. Not by a long shot. Probably. It's just that I'm done being a parenting blogger. I'm done being Looky, Daddy! which was a really poor choice for a blog name anyway, because while it looks fine in a header, it makes me sound like a pedophile during party introductions.

"So you're Looky Daddy?"

"Well, I write a blog, and that blog is called 'Looky, Daddy!'"

"Everyone, this is Looky Daddy."

I may as well have called the site "Windowless-Van Daddy."

Anyway, I don't do goodbyes well, and really this isn't a goodbye at all, except it really is. I will miss this. I will miss you.

Until we meet again.

Edited to Add: I would be lying if I did not say that your responses have not made me doubt my decision about 250 times since I posted this Monday. I mean, I've changed lives! I've healed the sick! I've made the lame walk again! Or at least I've made people laugh and cry, which, c'mon people, most of you have kids, and friggin' Hallmark commercials make people with kids laugh and cry. It's the hormones. Theirs, not yours.

I will be leaving the site up, untouched, for a while at least, though I'll warn anyone who goes too far into the archives, it gets pretty amateurish after a while. At some point, I'll probably break the blog down into a few "best of" posts (happy to take recommendations) and migrate it off to a host that won't charge me money for it. And I'll post here if and when I can be found elsewhere.

Again, and a thousand times again, thanks. This has been a lot of fun, and it wouldn't have been without you. Cheers,

Brian

Comments

[jenny]

Oh, man. I just clicked on you under my favorites (and I have to say, I only follow about four blogs daily, to put that in perspective for you), and thought to myself, nice to know there's always HIM.

Not to make you feel bad, now! Just appreciated. Your humanity and voice and humility. Oh, and the humor.

Individual posts of yours have been just the right thing to send to THIS friend, and THAT dad I know, and show my husband...I'm glad to hear you'll keep writing, and I can't wait to see/hear/read your next venture.

But plain old life commentary would be just fine with me.

[Lintosh]

This is totally depressing to me! I will miss you, too, Looky Daddy. Yours, I realize, was the only male voice I read with any regularity in the blogsphere. I will sincerely miss it.

[Annie]

Thank you.

You're quitting while you're ahead. So far ahead, there aren't words to describe it.

I'll miss you.

[brenda]

Boo! But you ARE funny. My husband and I (with 2 kids 2 and under) look forward to reading your experiences.

Besides, TV is good for kids - my daughter just turned 2 and can speak some Chinese - I certainly didn't teach her that...

Fine, I am just being selfish.

Good luck to you and make sure you let us know where to find your future musings.

[gb]

We'll miss you're unique perspective... or maybe your decidedly typical experiences... either way, you'll be missed.

[Chris]

It is a shame to see a fellow blogging dad call it a quits, hopefully you will pick up where you left off someday!

[Natalie]

Brian, let's call this your second-to-last post on Looky Daddy. I'm glad to know that you'll still be writing, because you're immensely talented and immensely funny. So by all means, end Looky Daddy if that's the right thing for you, but PLEASE let us know where we can find your writing next before you shut this down for good.

Wishing you and your family all good things.

[Tess]

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Joking.

You're done?!?!

I was going to try to make you feel super-guilty for bumming out so many people but I'm not that mean.

Thank you for your brilliant insights, the laughs and the cocktail info.! You're blog was number in my book. I mean my Favorites list.

Victoria's Festive Toilet (July 2008) was my all-time favorite entry.

Would anyone else like to walk down memory lane and cast a vote for their favorite?

[the planet of janet]

i mostly lurk, rarely comment, but always read.

and i will miss you.

[Virginia Bailey]

Oh please don't quit. If you're feeling overwhelmed, please just take yourself a good, long, deserved break. Post your blog "On Hiatus." And then come back when you're darn well ready, if ever. Your posts really are exceptional and funny, and they strike people in a way that most of the parent blogs out there just don't.

[Dusty]

I've had issues with some of the posts and definitely didn't care for your politics but your parenting posts were damn funny, insightful or just ridiculously moving.

This years July 4th post is going to strike me as one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. You're description of watching the fireworks on your daughter's face describe a fathers love better than any of hallmark card could.

Take care of yourself. Thanks for that window into your life.

[ZenMom]

I'm sorry that you're quitting. But I do hope you'll let us know if and where you might pop up again. Because I will miss your depth and humor. Thanks for the rainbows.

[Mia]

NOOOOOOOOOO!Like the planet of Jane I mostly read and rarely comment but now I am totally bummed about this. I read your blog when I didn't have kids; that's how funny you are. Hope we see you soon!

[Fawn]

Argh! TypePad ate my comment. I will attempt to reconstruct:

Noooooooooo!

I don't think I ever told you this, but a fellow blogger (and mutual commenter) recommended your site to me after Jade started having seizures. So I came for Kathryn, but I stayed for the cynical yet cheerful reality and OMG the funny.

I guess I can reconcile myself to no longer having your humour in my life, because that is an adult decision and we all have more to do than can actually physically be done. But I feel like I'm being cut off from Kathryn. Just know that we're always rootin' for her, 'kay?

And do let us know if you show up as a non-parenting blogger somewhere.

[Auntie F]

No, no, you can't do this without any warning! Only blog I read regularly. How will we know if Kathryn's seizures gets better? teachers are ever able to tell V&L apart?

[Sunny]

Damn, that's two daddy blogs that I enjoy that are poofed. How am I going to balance all the estrogen on my feed if not for guys like you?

You will be missed. Thanks for the good times.

[Leah]

Nooooooo!

I don't think many people realize how much time it takes to keep up a really good blog. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts over the last few years. It's been a great ride on the journey with you.

Best wishes to you. May you get a box of 64 colors (with the sharpener on the back!) so all your dreams come true. :)

[JMB]

Aww man. I JUST finished going through your archives and catching up on the last post!

Thanks for providing your unique view on childrearing and for letting us in on your life and challenges. I look forward to scouring the internet for more of your writing. Maybe this'll give you the time for your book!

[Angelina]

I'm really going to miss this. A LOT. I came to the party late, went back and read almost all of 'em, and I will very much miss hearing your stories and your unique voice. So long, thanks for all the fish... Take care and please do leave a trail of breadcrumbs we can follow.

[Kim Cambron]

Please hold on to the twitter account. I want to know what happens when you are inspired again.

I am not surprised you labor over the posts. They are brilliant. Your blog was like those slightly burnt, folded over potato chips that everyone fights over. The rest of the chips in the bag are a bit of a disappointment after those.

I will miss the excitement of finding you have a new post up there...and my partner will miss the "drop what you are doing and come read this post" game we play...where she gets all mad and I make her come over anyway.

I add my thanks to everyone else's. Write that book. I am first in line.

[Tamara]

Your blog is/was one of my favorites. I'll miss your posts.

May great things happen for you and your family!

[uccellina]

Oh, pooh. Torn between my better and my worse natures, I will say both that I understand and respect your decision and that I am also bummed about it. I wish you and yours the best of luck in everything you do.

[michell]

I'll miss your posts. I've enjoyed them so much since the first one I stumbled across threatening Santa for not bringing the twins identical presents. And I remember how gifted I felt when you commented to me once. You will be missed.
Good luck to yourself and your family.

[jonne]

i'm gutted. i will miss you! i will be hoping for the best for all of you, especially kathryn's health...

p.s. if you write any where else, or about anything else, please let us know!

[Camilla]

Too bad you stop now, I just discovered your blog a couple of months ago. I have enjoyed your funny writing about your kids, and will miss it.

(Why does it seem that every time I discover a good blog the blogger stops writing or gets too busy with other things to write? Same reason I don't win in lotto i guess.)

I understand your reasons for quitting though. It must be hard to have strange people scrutinise your writing and personal life.

Good luck to you and your family.