Eating Crayons, Pooping Rainbows

This is my last post for Looky, Daddy!

I've written this post many times over the past few months. I've written it like a guy composing a breakup speech to his girlfriend for no real defensible reason except that when he's not with her, he finds himself composing breakup speeches to her. Which is not a good sign, no matter how hot she is.

Blogs are incredibly time-consuming. Or at least they are if you spend thirty minutes writing a post and then two days obsessing over it: Reading the comments, rereading the comments, reading the post, wondering if you're still funny anymore, calling your mom to ask her what she thought of the post, scanning the Internet for blogs that say the post changed their life. It's the very definition of irony: Letting your kids watch TV so they won't bother you as you search the web for references of what a good dad you are. And don't even get me started about Twitter.

I've had more fun that possibly imaginable writing this blog. True fun. And most of that fun is because of you guys. Some of you I know, others of you I've met, but most of you I only know by your email addresses or the names you use to comment or your IP addresses because I copy those down and keep them in a database and why doesn't 70.111.15.13 visit the site anymore? Is she okay? Someone should drive by her house and make sure. You guys are the reason this site continued past its 30-day free trial, and I will, in all seriousness, miss the connection I have made with all of you, especially the ones who sent me all the coffee.

When I was a kid, I had a dog that ate crayons. He ate crayons and then pooped them out as rainbows, and that, to a large extent, is what I've tried to do here. I've tried to take the raw ingredients of childhood, digest them, and turn them into something colorful and shit-filled. In fact, if there were better words to carve onto Looky, Daddy!'s tombstone than "Colorful and Shit-Filled," I don't know what they would be. But this month marks my third year to do this, and to me, three years is a long time to fill the Internet with shit.

Not that I'm done pooping on the Interwebs. Not by a long shot. Probably. It's just that I'm done being a parenting blogger. I'm done being Looky, Daddy! which was a really poor choice for a blog name anyway, because while it looks fine in a header, it makes me sound like a pedophile during party introductions.

"So you're Looky Daddy?"

"Well, I write a blog, and that blog is called 'Looky, Daddy!'"

"Everyone, this is Looky Daddy."

I may as well have called the site "Windowless-Van Daddy."

Anyway, I don't do goodbyes well, and really this isn't a goodbye at all, except it really is. I will miss this. I will miss you.

Until we meet again.

Edited to Add: I would be lying if I did not say that your responses have not made me doubt my decision about 250 times since I posted this Monday. I mean, I've changed lives! I've healed the sick! I've made the lame walk again! Or at least I've made people laugh and cry, which, c'mon people, most of you have kids, and friggin' Hallmark commercials make people with kids laugh and cry. It's the hormones. Theirs, not yours.

I will be leaving the site up, untouched, for a while at least, though I'll warn anyone who goes too far into the archives, it gets pretty amateurish after a while. At some point, I'll probably break the blog down into a few "best of" posts (happy to take recommendations) and migrate it off to a host that won't charge me money for it. And I'll post here if and when I can be found elsewhere.

Again, and a thousand times again, thanks. This has been a lot of fun, and it wouldn't have been without you. Cheers,

Brian

Comments

[Claire]

Oh I am so sad - so sad that I am being wrenched out of lurkerdom to say so. I've enjoyed the ride and wish the best to you and your family. Keep us posted on any future ramblings.

[Nina]

Damn. Sorry to hear that. You will be missed.

[Petunia]

You will be missed by many - I'll keep in touch - you're my "other Brian!" You have to make the choices that are right for you and for your family.

[Veronica]

I don't comment much, but I'll miss you.

[Hygiene Dad]

Sorry to see you go. I always enjoyed reading you.

[Kate]

So, ah, any suggestions for what the hell I'm supposed to email my partner about now? He relies on me interrupting his working day with links to your posts.

Thanks for all the writing, and say Hi to The Mom for us too!

[dj]

oh! i wish you wouldn't go! i hardly comment (have i ever commented? not sure. but i'm sure you can check that out in your massive stalking -your- readers database thingie) but i always read. it will be so sad not to have you to read anymore. i really do understand you reasoning but i wish you would stay!

[Jess]

Wow. This sucks. I only follow about 6 blogs, and all of the others are money-saving things. This is the only one I follow for humor and I've had some great laughs from your posts. I'm sorry to see you go. But now I'll be down to only 5 blogs, that's a nice rounded number anyway...

[Bluntpencil]

you will be sorely missed.

[j blake]

I read you every morning! I love you and your family. God Bless those girls of yours! Thanks for all the laughs and the tears too. -J

[Kyle]

It's April Fool's Day, right??? Right???
Oh crap, it's warm outside....

[Bonnie]

Oh..wow...we have something special. Maybe we just need a break? Listen *sob* don't you remember the " First day of Preschool " video? That was a good time. I showed all my friends...look what I found I said. I can't believe it's over. Fine then, don't think I'll be drunkenly surfing over at 3 am to see if you've changed your mind. I'll miss your writing *snot filled sob* but I'll find a better...listen..don't think I can't be happy without the laughing out loud and crying. Whatever, Good luck and have a good life with the dictionary lady and the spawn. sob

[Mauigirl]

Oh no! We'll miss you terribly. As someone else said, please let us know where we can find you next - I'm sure you won't be able to stand not writing anymore so hope you will be back in the blogosphere soon. And of course, in the meantime there is Facebook! You aren't giving that up too are you? ;-) (And maybe I'll see you around the 'hood!)

[Karen]

I've only commented a few times (sorry!) but I will tell you that I've spent more time than that thinking about how lucky your girls are to have you. From what you've shared with us, I feel very comfortable saying that you and Sharon parent those small people with fabulous amounts of compassion and humor. I'm just sorry we won't be privy to it anymore -- though your reasons make total sense and only prove my point even more.

We'll miss you.

[birchsprite]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

come back soon...

you could always just reinvent yourself with a new name... go on you know you want to!

[Kara]

Aw, I just found your blog a few months ago, and it is the first one I check daily. Let us know what you are up to next.

[rachel]

best of luck, brian. your blog got me through the hardest year of my life, and i will always remember it fondly & with gratitude. do let us know when you finish your book!

[MILF]

Well that sucks.
Long time lurker here. Know that your blog was one of the first things I checked in the a.m. Always put a smile on my face, and sometimes a tear in my eye.
Best of luck to you, and thanks for sharing with us.

[Krys]

Will miss you and yours desperately, even though we've never met!
You truly have a way with words - and I hope to see a book or two at least!!!
Keep us posted on Twitter, with a heads up as to where we can find you again, at the very least!

[Sybil Vane]

I love it here and will miss your voice.

[~annie]

Well, I'm sure going to miss you and your witty stories! They always put my life in perspective.

One of my favorite posts was "An Egg Can't Drive You to Drink." I'll never forget the part where you wrote "...a five-gallon mixture of curdled milk, snot, piss, and feces. In a colander."

[Amy the Mom]

Well, no one's going to accuse you of jumping the shark!

I look forward to seeing what you'll do next!

[RobMonroe]

Best of luck on wherever your adventure takes you!

[Mom101]

Oh rats. I hate when the good ones leave.

I can only hope you're doing this to channel all the brilliance into a book. Or a sitcom. Maybe one starring Ted McGinley, because he needs a new one.

[marcy]

I have always lurked but I have to tell you that yours is the only blog I read that I just stumbled upon and stayed for the ride. I've been embarrassed to be nearly caught crying at my desk and have certainly laughed out loud. And now I'm sad to see you go.

Best of luck to you and your girls!